Many parents will tell you that their children’s smiles make all the hard work worth it. But even those precious moments don’t erase the very real weight of the struggles that come with raising them. Sometimes, it can feel overwhelming, leading to what’s commonly known as parental burnout. In fact, a staggering 66% of parents report experiencing this exhaustion, and one study found that parents in Western countries are among the most affected in the world.
While parental burnout might not be something you’ll find in a medical chart, psychologists recognize it as a specific form of burnout—a work-related phenomenon now acknowledged as a syndrome by the World Health Organization.
“As with burnout, parental burnout is defined as physical, emotional and mental exhaustion due to the ongoing demands of caring for one’s children,” says Dr. Jennifer Yen, a psychiatrist at UTHealth Houston.
Parenting is demanding by nature, so it’s not always easy to distinguish between normal stress and burnout. Dr. Yen suggests looking out for signs like fatigue, irritability, changes in sleep, appetite, mood, or even physical aches and pains. What makes parental burnout stand out is the intensity of these symptoms and how much they interfere with daily life.
“It’s a state where you have been giving, and giving, and giving and giving—until you’re totally empty,” describes Kate Kripke, a clinical social worker and the founder of the Postpartum Wellness Center in Boulder, Colo.
Dr. Yen also points out some specific red flags of parental burnout, such as feeling angry or resentful about caring for your children and starting to withdraw from them, either physically or emotionally. Some parents may even feel trapped or fantasize about leaving, she adds.
Because parental burnout can be so damaging for parents, it’s crucial for them to take breaks. “Taking time out is particularly important for moms and dads,” says Dr. Stuart Lustig, a child psychiatrist and national medical executive for behavioral health at Evernorth. “Much of a parent’s day revolves around providing for someone else, and the tasks can be physically and emotionally draining. Breaks help parents reset, or to use an analogy, refill their cups.”
As Jeff Temple, a psychologist and director of the Center for Violence Prevention at the University of Texas Medical Branch, explains, giving yourself a break is like putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping others.
“If you run out of oxygen, you’re of no use to your fellow passengers,” he says. “Same holds true for parenting. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll be a less effective parent and more prone to burnout and lashing out.”
Parents who take a moment to step back often find it helps them reconnect with who they are, as was the case for Jasmine Jaksic. She had been juggling work, raising a child during the pandemic, and maintaining her relationship with her husband. Finally, she decided to take a spontaneous trip to Amsterdam with a friend, leaving her husband in charge of their kid.
“Although it was a short trip, it gave me a glimpse of that laid-back, goofy self that got lost in the pandemic and parenting vortex,” she says. “I came back with a renewed interest in keeping that part of me alive. It was also a great opportunity for my son to bond with his father and do things their way.”
“My husband is now planning a trip of his own to visit his friends and family,” she adds. “After all, there is still hope for us to someday engage in a long and stimulating conversation that does not involve taking out the trash or doing laundry.”
That said, parents don’t have to go to the extent of organizing a trip to another country to prevent or manage burnout. It can be much simpler and more manageable.
“A mental health break is different for everyone,” says Lustig. “One person might need to physically leave the house and go for a walk outdoors. Another person may just need to go into a different room and meditate or listen to relaxing music.”
“There should be less of a focus on what, when and how long the activity is, and more focus on how you feel during or after the activity,” he continues. “Do you feel refreshed and rejuvenated? Happier and recharged? If yes, consider it a mental health break. If not, try something different next time. Everyone’s needs are different, so understanding what best helps you individually is key.”