An uneventful flight is usually a good one. All smooth sailing and aplomb. However, although you might be happy to get bored when things are going well during your journey, sometimes you yearn for something more. Something that would make you laugh and spice up the dull voyage. The pilots and crew know this, and sometimes, when the stars align, you get to hear funny airline announcements, which, at the very least, will make you snicker. We’ve gathered some of these funny airline pilot announcements for our list, and now you’ll be the judge of which ones of them are the funniest!
As far as funny announcements during a flight go, they can be literally about anything. Think about an amped-up flight attendant safety dance, a notion on the quality of refreshments, or an absurd prediction for the smoothness of an upcoming landing. So, although a pilot jokes about Godzilla meeting you at the airport, you know it (sadly? luckily?) won’t be true, hence the absurd. You know, once the crew begins with these jokes, it seems the funny announcements to make will never run out for them. But, as we said before - if all the stars align.
Another thing to do with these airline jokes is to learn some of them - that way, you’ll have loads of funny things to say to your compadres if you’re ever stuck on the most boring flight of your life. Although, boring flights are what we wish for you! Anyway, check out the submissions, give your votes to the most amusing ones, and share this article with your friends!
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#21
“We are now going to dim the lights for take off. If you are scared of the dark or that the Bogey Man will get you, don’t worry, he only flies with American Airlines.”
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#22
“This aircraft is equipped to land on water… Once.”
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#23
After a bumpy landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
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#24
“Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”
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#25
“Please notice that we are 10 minutes early. So the next time we are 2-3 hours late we’ll just call it even.”
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#26
"America West (Operated by Mesa): "In the event of an emergency landing, lights on the floor will illuminate to guide you to the exit. Or you could just follow me because there's no way any of you are beating me off this plane.""
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#27
“Position your seat belt tight, low and across your hips, like my grandmother wears her support bra.”
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#28
Co-pilot: "Give it up for your pilot, at the end of this flight he will have logged 40 hours without sleep just to get you all to your destination." Pilot: "Don't worry folks, I got some sleep in the air."
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#29
“Hello and welcome to Alaska flight 438 to San Francisco. If you’re going to San Francisco, you’re in the right place. If you’re not going to San Francisco, you’re about to have a really long evening.”
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#30
"Welcome to San Francisco, we hope you had a good flight and thank you for flying southwest - if you didn't, my name is Bob and this is united"
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#31
In reference to oxygen masks: “Please help yourself before helping small children or politicians.”
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#32
"You love us, we love you, we are better than Jet Blue, with no surcharge and no bag fee marry one of us and you'll fly freeeeee."
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#33
“We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight.”
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#34
“My colleague on my right-hand side, his name is Steve Moore… He’s had a long and distinguished career with the Royal Air Force, spanning some decade or more, but luckily for us, he got rather bored of being a chef and has decided to take up flying.”
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#35
“In a short time, we will serve refreshments. Please remember that we are in the airline business, not the food business.”
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#36
“If you need an additional reading light, just push the button above your head with the lightbulb on it. That’ll turn the light on. However, if you push the button above your head with the flight attendant on it, it does not turn us on.”
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#37
“For those of you traveling with your children – why? And for those of you that are traveling with two of your children, what in the world were you thinking?”
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#38
“Please return your seats to their upright and most uncomfortable position.”
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#39
“Prior to takeoff, the flight attendants will be walking up and down the aisle to make sure all of you have matching socks.”
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#40
"Last one off the plane has to clean it!"
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