57 Hilarious Things People Said Under Anesthesia That Had Doctors Holding Back Laughter

Obligatory not a doctor, but I was the patient. I had to get my wisdom teeth removed at the hospital because they were really messed up. When I woke up, the nurse was going through the routine to make sure I was not brain dead. She asks me my name by saying “who are you?” I respond with, “I’m a lesbian.”

My parents were in the room. They didn’t know at the time. That was how I came out.

The last few times I've come out of anesthesia ( dental implant, colonoscopy, etc) I've looked at the nurse and asked if I was out of the anesthesia. When the nurse said yes, I asked if Trump was still president. When the nurse said yes, I asked to be put back under.

My brother had top surgery and woke up from being put under. My step mom (whom I call “Mom”) recorded him talking about how Abe Lincoln was a great guy. She asked him how he knew and he replied with: “I knew him back in ‘Nam”.
And that’s the story of how my brother fought side-by-side with Abe Lincoln back in Vietnam.

My dad (italian) was waking up from anesthesia and kept looking at his asian nurse and saying he was so glad his daughter was with him. And that he loved his daughter. The nurses were confused, so they went out into the waiting to check for his daughter. I was the only one in the waiting area, and when they saw me and started hysteically laughing. I am korean by birth, but what adopted by my lovely Italian family :).

Patient came into the ED as a trauma, got med sedation for an emergency procedure:
“I’m deaaaaaaaad”
“No, you’re ok, we’re taking care of you”
“I’m a ghoooooost. Whooooooo!” *wavy arm motions*
Ok.

I was throwing up loads when I came round and had a pile of those cardboard sick buckets next to my bed. But I realised if you turn an empty one upside down it looks like a mini fedora. So I put it on my head and every nurse that walks by I tipped my hat and said "Milady".

Not a medical professional, but my mom was coming out from under anesthesia after a procedure a few years ago and I was trying to help her. She puckered her lips so I picked up her water cup and asked if she wanted some. She turned her face toward me and said, "Do I LOOK like an AIRPLANE?!"

The nurses and I completely lost it. I still tease her about it sometimes.

I apparently can't handle my anesthesia.

The first time I "woke up" I asked the nurse if I was going to be able to "fight" by Monday. My wife properly translated that to "can he teach his wrestling class".

Before we went home, she wanted to drop off my prescriptions at CVS. She left me locked in the running car. After she dropped off the prescription, she turned around to find me in the CVS standing in the frozen dairy section holding german chocolate ice cream. I told her I needed it "because my people made it".

Car was still running with the passenger door left open.

Had a patient come into recovery after surgery. She farted so long and loud the entire 20 bed unit heard her. Then she said "I was trying to clear my throat, excuse me. And I want a vanilla latte, I got a headache". As medical professionals, we had to hold in the laughter but that didn't stop patients from turning into hyenas.

18-year-old girl "recognized" the (male) anesthesiologist from tinder last week and accused him multiple times of not showing up to their agreed date - while randomly falling half-asleep in between. As we put her back in bed she mumbled that she is not even mad, just generally disappointed in men and that she still thinks he's pretty.

This woman undergoing C-section under spinal anesthesia said 'Show my baby first to my brother-in-law, he deserves to see her first'. I sometimes wonder what happened to her marriage after that.

A woman was absolutely distraught that she was going to be made to eat asparagus and was repeatedly telling us that she did not like asparagus, especially with eggs, and was politely rejecting the asparagus she thought we were constantly offering her.

Not anesthesia but delirium. Introduced the oncoming nurse to the patient. The patient gestured grandly around the room and said “(nurse’s name), meet all my friends!!”

....to an empty room.

Was recovering a patient after surgery who got a med which has a known side effect of making you super emotional. When she woke up she started cat calling me telling me how attractive I was. Then she got worked up because she was thirsty so I told her I could get her ice chips. As I am getting her ice chips she starts to go “I hate to see you leave but I love to see you go”. As I disappear to get her some ice chips she starts crying real tears that she scared me off and how sorry she was.

Not medic but patient:

I had appendix surgery after a preventive 2 day fasting (water was ok) and anesthesia hit me pretty hard.

When I was told I had to use one of those plastic urinals or whatever because they said the abdominal effort could make me faint I just said:

“I ain’t gonna poo on a plastic tupper, If I pass out in the toilet like a hero, then let it be”.

The very first time I was under I was in third grade and was relatively scared. What kept me brave was the promise of burger king breakfast afterwards. It was an early morning procedure that required fasting and I rarely got fast food. They ended up running behind that day so it was up in the air if I would wake up and get out in time to get my breakfast (which ended at 10). The first words out of my mouth were "What time is it." When my mom informed me it was already about 9:30 I tried to get out of bed and nearly ripped out my IV in the process. When she tried to tell me that we would be late and I could get it another day I promptly burst into tears.

Edit: I did get my burger king a different day. Thank you all for your concern.

Not a doctor, but I was told by my dentist that when he was prepping me to remove my wisdom teeth, I asked him why he became a dentist. I vaguely remember him telling me a story about how when he was a preteen he was at a local pool, running around when he slipped and smashed his chin on concrete and shattered some of his teeth (ouch). He was amazed at how well they reconstructed his teeth that he decided to go into dentistry.

Apparently, I then looked this man in the eyes and said, "Well that's a stupid reason to become a dentist."

Sorry, Dr. J 😬.

Dislocated my shoulder in a way that my arm ended up stuck up over my head. Apparently, while all hopped up on demarol I was laughing hysterically while the doctor was standing on the table/gurney wrestling with my arm to get it back into the socket. I don't remember a thing.

Woman woke up from surgery and said to her husband, “David! That alarm clock has a nose and it’s running! Wipe it!”.

My mrs has had multiple surgeries over the years! She’s normally pretty quiet in recovery! But one time she was in a really upbeat mood and for some strange reason she was reciting the lyrics to gangster paradise by coolio! Everybody on the ward later that day was talking about the gangsta rap lady!