40 Times People Accidentally Eavesdropped On Conversations And Weren’t Disappointed

I overheard someone saying "tell the exorcist I'm on my way".

I turned back to take a pick to who said that . It was a younger lady (40's maybe) and an elder in her 80's, and they were sitting behind me on the subway. Then I face front again and hear in a sort of a whisper "mom it's not an exorcist it's a therapist." I couldn't hold my giggles.

Sitting in an outdoor area of a cafe with some friends, and a couple of girls walk out of the cafe to where we were sitting.

One of the girls says “I’ll f**k the next guy that talks to me”. Friend of mine jumped up and said “hey how you doing?” (Ala Joey from Friends).. they’ve been married nearly 10 years.

On the London tube, in 2019, a Dutch young lady sat next to me. She was clearly on a "walk of shame", and on the phone, describing, in some detail, last night's sexual endeavours. She was obviously assuming no one could understand what she was saying.

My family was standing close. By the time she was done recounting how she and her date had made love for eight(!) hours, I asked my oldest daughter, who was standing next to me, whether she wanted to sit. In Dutch 😁.

Him "You're being such a b***h, go eat a snickers!"
Her "I'm alergic to peanuts, you a$$hole!"
Him "I know!!"

Bus stops in my old city almost always seemed to have crazy c**p going on.

In a fast food restaurant, teenage identical twin girls were working together and apparently arguing about something. One turns to the other and says "well you're ugly!".

Bloke about sixty in Regents Park to a woman of roughly the same age: "Mum's gone lesbian and I don't know what to do."

Circa 1981.

2001, Washington DC, A young couple sitting behind me in a movie theater, waiting to see The Lord of the Rings.

Woman: Is this, like, a made up thing, or did it really happen?

Man: This is real.

A stressed father and his little son in the morning commute rush. The dad yelled at his son for not walking fast enough, with his back turned to the escalator. The son said "but daaad, it's going the wrong way", upon which the dad answered "come on for f**k's sake, stop messing around". Then the dad, still with his back facing the escalator, took a step back on it and just like the boy had stated, the stairs went in the opposite direction- consequently causing the dad to faceplant on the ground in front of the escalator. The dad: "Ooooouch! ..... Daddy was wrong, kiddo....".

Overheard on the phone, "well I’m sure the cat had his reasons, what did the cat therapist say?"

We were are a pizza place. Sitting at a table were a little girl, her mother, and her grandmother. Apparently, little girl was learning that "mommy and daddy have real names too" ... but she wasn't getting it.

So grandma asked "what does mommy call daddy?" And the girl just didn't understand. Then grandma asked "What does daddy call mommy?" And the girl's face lit up -- now she understands! And with a huge smile, she answered that daddy calls mommy "A*****e.".

Was at the store and this lady had a small boy who was looking at the candy. He was about 5-6 years old I guess. He wanted some candy, and she said “you will get some tomorrow”

To which he replied
“Bull****t”.

Was on a roadtrip, stopped at In-N-Out for lunch and after ordering I went to use the restroom. I was at the urinal when I heard two little boys (about 5 years old and 8 years old) and their grandpa talking. The older little kid said "I'm sure glad you came on this trip with us Grandpa." The grandpa said "yeah, I'm f*****g glad too", and the littler boy responded with "f**k yeah". I had to try not to laugh.

Whilst wandering around a castle ruin in Scotland, there was a group of youths (ages 10 to 15) walking up the steep, stone stairs from the basements. A chubby boy was lagging behind. When another boy chided him to keep up, chubby boy called out:

"I'M TRYING TO PRESERVE ME LEGS!".

At a big jam band show/hippie festival. "Bro, that wasn't unicorn meat... it was just turkey with glitter!"

I stepped up to the bar to close a tab and was standing next to a couple who I assumed were on a first date. I was only there long enough to hear the guy say “I’m not saying I’d do it. Right? I’m not. I’m just saying that I understand - in the right circumstances, like if you were stuck on an island, for like years - why someone would f**k a sheep…”

If your date said that to you at Cesar’s Killer Margaritas around 2016, I’ve been dying to know how the rest of that conversation went.

I'm cruising the fruits and veggies section at the grocery store, 2 female produce department employees are stocking the banananas. One, likely in training at the time, asks the other "Should the greener ones go at the back?" to which the other replies, "It doesn't matter, a banana's a banana, woman!" Right at that moment, a very large man on a motorized scooter with an oxygen tube in his nose comes around the corner and makes it apparent he only heard the last two words of the employees exchange by shouting "What the hell is a 'banana woman'!?"

I laughed out loud.

I was in target passing the toy section and there was a mid 20s looking woman with her partner. They passed the the hex bugs and she said "oh I remember hex bugs! I used that as my first vibrator as a kid".

I was in a bar and walked past a table of 30-something women, just as one of them slyly said, “I learned something about Chad’s balls last night.”

That was about four years ago and I still wonder what the deal is with Chad’s balls.

My coworker was on her phone during downtime. Became very upset and switched from one call to another.

"He died, mama. No- Mama, he had the dogs. They ate his face."

Froze the room. When she finally ended the call she turned to us and said "Never do fentanyl."

Two nerds were sitting near me on the subway, and I heard one say to the other, "I don't care what anyone says -- *never* trust a ninja.".