Are you tired of feeling drained when you spend time with your friends? Do you constantly make excuses for their behavior or wonder if it’s normal to feel so bad when you’re around them? If you recognize yourself in these words, it’s time to put on your detective hat and pay more attention to the red flags waving right in front of your face.
Why? Because we recently found an AskReddit thread, and describing it as “eye-opening” would be an understatement. People shared clear ideas on what they feel are friendship red flags, and we collected them here on Bored Panda for the joy of your mental health. We’ve compiled a list of the most common warning signs in friendship shared by the Internet community so you can finally stop settling for less and start surrounding yourself with people who truly deserve your time and energy. Consider this your ultimate guide on how to recognize bad friends.
Keep in mind your friends’ unhealthy behaviors may not be so obvious — often, they’re subtle and insidious. They drain your energy, make you question your worth, and even affect your mental and physical health. It’s important you’re able to recognize the signs of a toxic friendship so that you can take steps to remove yourself from that situation.
So grab a notebook and a pen because you’re about to learn how to spot a bad friend from a mile away. We’ll be covering red flags in friendship, such as friends being dismissive of your interests, those who only reach out when they need something, and those who seem unable to say sorry when they’re supposed to. And remember, just because someone is a bad friend, it doesn’t mean they’re a terrible person. We’re all human and make mistakes, but you deserve to know when it’s time to walk away for the sake of your own well-being. Ready to start waving goodbye to toxic friendships? Let’s dive in!
#1
"Friends that always say "I miss you." But when you try and plan something with them they never actually seem to want to."
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25points
#2
"“Good vibes only” friends. That mentality is fine to have with yourself. But you can’t force that on others.
My best friend adopted this attitude and from then on, whenever I would come to her for support or advice on an issue I was having, she’d cut me off and say, “Ah ah ah! Good vibes only, remember?” Because I was bringing her down.
I put up with it for a long time because I thought she was right, that I was burdening her. But then I finally realized that that’s not how real friends act. They’re supposed to support and help each other."
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22points
#3
"When you realize that you are more yourself when they're not around."
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19points
#4
"That you are the ONLY person who initiates anything, or even worse, that you have to invite yourself to gatherings and activities...
Never settle for being treated as less than any other people in people’s lives. It’s not fair to you and you deserve better."
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18points
#5
"A friend of mine has been making fun of me for years. Just made fun of me whenever I did/said anything, even if I was serious. Didn't realize how much it's affected my self esteem until I actually got really angry at her (for something else) and no longer considered her a friend.
Also, she's mentally unstable. Now that's okay, and as her friends we want to help her with that, but she's not giving us a chance to do so. She just flips her sh*t and expects everyone to adapt to her.
The real problem is that she hasn't changed. The same stuff been happening for years and she's apparently not trying to work on herself in that regard, still expecting us to just accept whatever bs she throws at us."
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17points
#6
"My “best friend” in high school once specifically requested for me to post a picture of us for National Best Friend Day, or some similar holiday. I asked if she’d be posting a picture of us too.
“No, I have a lot of best friends. But I’m your main best friend so you should post a picture of us.” Was her response.
The next couple years were full of back stabbing & gas lighting, complete with occasional fallings out until we finally stopped speaking. Looking back, I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming."
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16points
#8
thedialupgamer wrote:
"When you hang out with them it feels like you're defusing a bomb when theres nothing going on right then."
"When you hang out with them it feels like you're defusing a bomb when theres nothing going on right then."
Commenter No. 2 replied:
"I had to let go of my “best friend” because of this. With my real friends I could always just respond to a text message with the first thing I thought of. With this girl I felt like I had to carefully consider what I was saying and then reword it several times before I could hit send because I didn’t want to be dismissed or berated in any way. That’s not friendship."
"I had to let go of my “best friend” because of this. With my real friends I could always just respond to a text message with the first thing I thought of. With this girl I felt like I had to carefully consider what I was saying and then reword it several times before I could hit send because I didn’t want to be dismissed or berated in any way. That’s not friendship."
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15points
#10
"Someone that doesn't tell you when you've upset them. They rather ignore you until they feel better and nothing gets resolved."
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15points
#11
"If you meet someone and they rub you the wrong way, it's not you, it's them. Your first, gut instinct about a person is usually right and most people seem to brush that off."
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15points
#12
"I’ve got a friend who loves to talk about himself, everything is always about him.
So, when I’m out with my friends and he’s in our group we created a game where you have to drink every time he starts a conversation about himself. It’s made it a lot more tolerable."
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14points
#13
"Personally I’ve always had bad experiences with people who say everyone is their “best friend.” When my best friend in high school started calling 10 different people including me her best friend, that was when I knew I was just an accessory, and she was trying to surround herself with people to love her."
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14points
#14
"Continually feeling like you want to say something but should hold your tongue."
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13points
#15
"Inability or unwillingness to apologize when he or she does something wrong. It’s symptomatic of an ego issue that will eventually infect every aspect of your friendship."
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13points
#16
"Friends that aren't happy for your success and happiness, but are very close when you're sad."
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12points
#18
"Friends who are “honest”. It’s good to have a friend who can be upfront with you, but beware of the friends who are only honest when it’s about something negative. People will say whatever they need to in order to be malicious and let it have a pass.
My advice to those of you with “honest” friends? Don’t let yourself be vulnerable around those kinds of people. They’ll most likely be spreading their honesty about you to others."
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12points
#19
"Being dismissive of all your interests and achievements. Meanwhile everything they do, no matter how mundane, is amazing."
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11points