30 Brutal Moments When People’s Illusions Of Friendship Were Shattered

We all deserve to have close friends we can rely on. Even at a young age, we realize this, as kindergarteners often have a best friend already picked out who they create matching bracelets and secret handshakes with. As kids, friendships are powerful to help us socialize and get through the school day with someone to confide in and to play with during recess, but even as adults, we need solid friendships to bring more enjoyment to our lives and help us feel a sense of purpose. According to the Mayo Clinic, having good friends is even beneficial to our health.

They explain that having friends can increase our sense of belonging, boost our happiness levels and reduce our stress, improve our self-confidence and self-worth, help us cope with traumas like serious illness, divorce, or the loss of a loved one, and encourage and support us in avoiding unhealthy lifestyle habits such as excessive drinking or a lack of exercise. Our friends are great to have around during the good times and the bad times, and as the Mayo Clinic explains, “Adults with strong social connections have a reduced risk of many significant health problems, including depression, high blood pressure and an unhealthy body mass index.”

Especially when we are not in a romantic relationship, our friends are vital to our well being. It can be very easy to slip into unhealthy habits or start spending every evening cooped up inside when you don’t have anyone to socialize with. But when we have friends to hang out with and confide in, we have reasons to get out of the house and experience life. Your friends might encourage you to try new hobbies or have new experiences that you would not have otherwise thought of, and they can even help you increase your social circle by introducing you to other people who play an important role in their lives.

It’s also great to have an outside perspective every now and then. If we spend all day dwelling on our insecurities or issues in our own lives, it can be hard to see the full picture. But if you open up to a friend, they can help you navigate a difficult situation or shine some light on factors you would not have otherwise considered. They can also be great reminders of how wonderful you are and help you build self-confidence. We tend to be our own harshest critics, but your best friend will always be there to tell you that you’re beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, loving, and you deserve to take care of yourself. So you don’t spend Friday night inside your house eating an entire pizza alone. 

Being betrayed by someone you considered a close friend is extremely painful, and it can feel very similar to experiencing a break-up from a romantic relationship. Suddenly, your go-to person is gone, and you might not know where to turn. So it’s important to hold tight to the relationships you really value. Even if you and your best friend from college now live half-way across the country from one another, be sure to keep in touch with them. It’s important to nurture your friendships by calling every now and then to check in on them, sending them a card on their birthday, keeping up with what’s happening in their lives and not allowing too much time to pass without seeing them. Even if you can’t travel to each other every year, technology makes it much easier to keep in touch nowadays than it ever was in the past. Shoot them a text with a photo of the two of you letting you know you’re thinking of them, or leave them a voicemail reminding them of a favorite memory. I’m sure it will bring a smile to their face, and it will keep that friendship flame burning. 

The Mayo Clinic also recommends several ways to nurture our friendships including being a good listener, opening up, and showing that you can be trusted. Many of the heartbreaking stories on this list include times friends were dishonest or went behind people’s backs to speak negatively about them or engage in harmful behavior. To make it clear to our friends that we love and appreciate them and would never turn our backs on them, it’s important to show that we care about their lives. Ask them questions about what’s going on and how they are feeling, and be sure you are really listening. On the same note, be sure that you are willing to open up to them as well. When you both are vulnerable and share with one another, your bond is strengthened and your connection is deepened. You will also understand one another much better when they know the context behind why you are the way you are.

Another tip the Mayo Clinic recommends for nurturing friendships is to be sure that you make yourself available. Of course, this cannot be done at all times. We all have to set healthy boundaries and should not make great sacrifices to maintain a relationship, but if a friend calls you in crisis, answer the phone. If they are experiencing pain or heartache, show up on their doorstep with chocolates and flowers. Make sure they get out of bed in the morning and take a shower. Bring them dinner when they’re too sad to cook, and sit with them while they cry or watch a movie with them when they’re in too much pain to leave the house. If we want to experience deep, meaningful relationships and have friends to rely on when we need someone, we have to put in the work ourselves as well.

As a kid, you probably had built-in friendships. The kid next door, the person who sat next to you in class, or one of your teammates from baseball practice. As an adult, however, it’s not as easy to meet and bond with other individuals. So if you’ve recently had to cut off a friend or moved to a new place and are in need of new friendships, you might need some tips on how to build new bonds. It can be challenging to even know where to start when trying to make new friends, so the Mayo Clinic provides some recommendations. One way is to attend community events. If you are a musician looking to bond with people over similar interests, maybe local open-mic nights or music festivals are the best places for you to make friends. It might take a bit of stepping outside of your comfort zone, but it’s a lot easier to get to know someone who you already have an established mutual interest with.