Relationships,FriendsNOV 14, 2023

30 Brutal Moments When People’s Illusions Of Friendship Were Shattered

You’ve got a friend in me, you’ve got a friend in me! Until you stab me in the back, publicly humiliate me or betray me. Then, we’re done.

#1

30 Brutal Moments When People’s Illusions Of Friendship Were Shattered

My life long friend of 30+ years, moved out of state and would call me drunk and go on and on usually on a ranting tangent about different things that she wouldn’t remember the next time we spoke. I was a patient listener. One night she called on the anniversary of my teenage son’s death so I told her I was having a really hard emotional day and would call her another time. She started scolding me for being a s****y friend because she needed to talk and I should be there for her. Then she said my dead son told her he was really disappointed in me for being so selfish and that he expected better of me. It felt like she twisted a knife in my already shattered heart. I yelled F**k You!, hung up, blocked her and went NC.

GrammaBear707, Engin Akyurt

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119points

To learn more about what's required to maintain a healthy friendship, we reached out to Lisa Seaton, the woman behind The Zing Collective, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. "The most important part of a healthy friendship is that both parties are equal contributors," Lisa says.

"The specifics will look different for each friendship, but it should be a two way street built on mutual ground. If one person in a friendship feels that they are putting in more effort than the other, or not getting as much out as they're putting in, then resentment and frustration can build," she explained.

"Another key factor in any relationship - friends, family, romantic, professional - is communication. As long as everyone involved is communicating their expectations and feelings effectively then you stand the best chance of nurturing a healthy relationship," Lisa added.

#2

Few people. They got on the Trump train. Politics was always something we stayed away from. We worked on cars, went fishing, hunting, camping, etc. Have plenty to talk about and do that doesn’t have to do with politics. Once they got roped into that garbage it became their whole personality. I have a hard time seeing Trump supporters as anything other than America hating pro-fascist bigots. Once they started calling anyone who wants anything less than killing gay people “groomers” I told them I was done. NGL, I’m lonely and sad about losing this group and there’s not a lot of redneck non-MAGA people who know what side of a wrench to hold. But, to me this isn’t a difference in politics but in morality and patriotism and it’s a bridge too far.

My_browsing, Natilyn Photography

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109points

#3

She called me manipulative for rearranging our plans when I had just got out of hospital and needed to rest. Apparently my "flakyness" affected her anxiety disorder and made her feel unappreciated. I told her that it wasn't like I'd had an asthma attack on purpose. She called manipulative, I called her selfish, I haven't talked to her since.

AstraOver, Ivan Oboleninov

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81points

As far as how to know when a friendship needs to end, Lisa says it's much easier to tell when something dramatic happens, such as a betrayal or an explosive argument. "But there are often subtle signs that a friendship has run its course before it gets to that point, and these are trickier to spot," she noted.

"You can learn to pick up on these subtle signs by being conscious of how a friendship makes you feel," the expert says. "Start off by taking the time to note how you feel before or after seeing a friend." Lisa recommends that we ask ourselves questions such as: "How do you feel before meeting up? Are you excited to spend time with them, or does it feel like a chore or obligation? How do you feel in their company? Relaxed/comfortable/on edge/defensive? How do you feel when you leave the interaction? Happy/uplifted/relieved/drained/annoyed?"

#4

"I understand why your ex beat you."

DanelleDee, RDNE Stock project

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80points

#5

Like most long-term friends, we knew a lot of each other’s secrets. Misdeeds, misadventures and so forth. Nothing too criminal but also some youthful indiscretions that should stay in the “We Don’t Talk About This With Others” box.

The friendship was waning. About a year prior I had really started questioning what I was getting out of it and if I shouldn’t just slowly break contact. Then I started dating my girlfriend. Naturally he took that as me dropping him like a hot potato, which wasn’t true but from his perspective, I get the suspicion.

After a few half-hearted attempts at getting together, we did and apparently he did not like the way it turned out. He sent me an e-mail threatening to tell my girlfriend all of the s**t we’d got into over the years, going so far as to list out dates, times and circumstances. I responded that he could if he wanted to, and that would likely be the end of the relationship with my girlfriend, but the threat of doing so definitely meant an end to our friendship. I also forwarded the e-mail to a couple of friends who were already in the know. They also ended up cooling things off with him.

In the end, nothing came of it. But when you start threatening your friends of 20+ years with misdemeanours committed when you were young, then I can never trust you again.

VH5150OU812, Dexon Dave Silva

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79points

#6

After explaining and trying to process how many people had died on the hospital unit where I work from covid, b***h really says "I don't think it's real". Like, do you need to have nightmares about them gasping for air every night too?

silly-billy-goat, Mufid Majnun

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76points

"Once you start to pay attention to these feelings, it will become clearer which friendships are healthy and which aren't," Lisa told Bored Panda. "That's not to say that if you feel some negative feelings that you need to immediately cut someone out, but it is an indicator that some changes are required in the friendship in order for it to last long term."

#7

I came home and my neighbor (who I befriended three months prior) started blowing up my phone saying she had an emergency. I responded and told her that it was late, I was tired and had just got back from work, and my boyfriend had a 101 fever so I just was not feeling it. She then proceeded to bang on my windows and door at 12:30 in the morning and texted my boyfriend and my roommate at the time to try and get ahold of me. Turns out the “emergency” was one of her friends (haven’t even met this person) has gotten cheated on. Blocked her and never spoke to her again.

Toberealwithyou, Ivan Babydov

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73points

#8

They turned into a flat earther, anti vax, freedom fighter. It's just too much stupid to put up with.

deep_space_rhyme

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65points

Lisa has discussed how to end toxic friendships on her site before, and she shared that her recommendation is to have a conversation with the person and let them know how you're feeling. "Even if there is no saving the friendship, it can help make it a cleaner break, and nobody is left with any confusion about what went wrong," she explained. "Also be open to the fact that they may have grievances too. It's unlikely that the issues only run one way! Unfortunately, we've all been someone's toxic friend along the way."

#9

She and her husband were living in my finished basement. I charged very little and they were struggling financially. They asked me if they could skip a few months rent to save for a security deposit for an apartment and I agreed.

I went on vacation and a neighbor texted me complimenting my boat. I didn’t have a boat. Turns out my friend and her husband had financed a ski boat and were hiding it from me. I was gone so they brought it home to clean it and got caught. I called them out on it and gave them 30 days notice. They and their possessions were gone before I got back from vacation. We were friends for over a decade before this.

srcorvettez06, Matti Blume

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63points

#10

Invited me to Thanksgiving in San Antonio. I followed her from Waco to San Antonio. Lost her on the freeway when she made a last second exit. She refused to give me an address. I drove home and the restaurants were closed, so I had Top Ramen for Thanksgiving dinner that year.

Belmont2035, Anastasia Shuraeva

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63points

"Society in general talks quite openly about the work required to keep a romantic relationship healthy, but we don't hear nearly enough about maintaining healthy friendships," Lisa added. "Friendships require the same amount of love, care, and attention as our romantic partnerships, and they should be nurtured in the same way. Do a friendship audit and get clear on which friendships are most important to you – then make sure you're watering them frequently!"

If you'd like to hear more wise words from Lisa about friendship and living your best life, be sure to visit The Zing Collective!

#11

She accused the man I was with of sexually assaulting her. During my birthday party. Dozens of witnesses including myself. In reality she got wasted, threw herself at him, and had a crying fit when he didn't go for it. I spent the rest of my birthday party comforting her and telling her she's so pretty. Then she snuck out after to tell her VETERAN husband that he tried to r**e her. The fact that my ex is still alive is enough to show that the husband knew it was bs

Remixthefix, MART PRODUCTION

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63points

#12

Stole my drivers license because she wanted to use it at bars (shes under 21), refused to give it back, told me she got it taken away at the bar she goes to. I called the bar and they told me they didn’t take IDs, told her i knew she was lying. She told me to “disrespectfully f**k off”. I told her to leave it under my doormat and if it’s not there the next morning I’m going to the DMV and getting it replaced and reporting it as stolen under her name. She never gave it back, next morning i went to the DMV and got a new ID and reported it as stolen under her name. Really s****y situation.

Prim_rose1999, takahiro taguchi

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63points

To learn more about how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user DarksideOutlaw, who posed the question, "What was the worst thing a friend did to you that just made you say f*ck it and cut off all contact?" Lucky for us, the OP was kind enough to have a chat and open up about some of his own friendships that he had to make the choice to end.

"My best friend of 10 years had backstabbed me and chosen making money over our friendship," the OP shared. "I was hurt by this for years, wondering why he had chosen that route. I made the post wondering if anyone else had been betrayed or used, and the response was overwhelming to say the least."

#13

He tried to recruit me to Scientology. He even succeeded briefly, but it didn't take me long to see the truth about them.

One of Scientology's teachings is that you should cut off all contact with what they call Suppressive Persons. I originally thought they meant people who are harmful to your emotional well-being, but I quickly came to realize they apply the term to anyone who speaks ill of Scientology. Discouraging people from giving truckloads of money to that ridiculous cult is a high crime in their world.

I rejected that teaching and stuck to my original definition of suppressive person: someone who's harmful to my emotional well-being. I then cut off every single person I met in that "Church", including my former friend, for being what I consider suppressive people. Who not to associate with might be the only useful thing I learned from them.

JBPunt420, Alexey Taktarov

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58points

#14

I’ve had a few, and when it’s more than one, it means the problem is me. I trust too easily and when I love someone, I’m loyal and give. I think that makes it easy to take advantage of me. I’ve had friends that I thought were it, mind you, my husband told me he had bad feelings about them. He was right. They’d use me to do their chores, babysit, dog sit, things like that, and when I had a need ghosted me. It took me a really long time to understand that not all people are like me, and I needed to be more cautious. Now, that being said, my one really true, loving, friend is dying. We are 44, and her and her husband have been couple best friends with us for 20+ years. We raised our children together. We vacationed together. We absolutely love this woman. She’s always been there for all of us. A year ago she had a bad car accident, we now know because of the terminal brain disorder, and it has just deteriorated. We live in different towns, but my husband and I travel frequently to her, because our time is now short, and we need to support her husband and her kids. We are also both nurses, so we can help in that way too and give her family respite. We also don’t want to miss any moment we have left. So, we will be by their side until the end and beyond, and it really puts into perspective that these other “friends” were nothing. I don’t know why I wasted my time. I know in my soul, if it were reversed, she would care for me, we loved each other without demanding. She is my family. I miss her while she’s still here. Anyway, just love your people and appreciate them, life is short. And be a true friend, because as people, we need each other.

TomatilloNo4213, Paola Chaaya

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57points

DarksideOutlaw went on to open up about their former best friend. "We were supposed to open up a bong shop together, but he got greedy and cut me out. He managed everything, but thanks to me, word of mouth, and hard work advertising our shop, we were thriving," he shared. "But he told everyone I had borrowed money from him and wouldn't pay him back. Literally turned all my friends against me and ruined my reputation."

The OP noted that his former best friend also claimed that he owed him 20k, so he cut all contact with his former friends and just focuses on spending time with his family now. "He tried reaching out to me through my old friends and social media to say he was sorry for everything he had done and wanted to make amends and hang out again, but the damage had been done," DarksideOutlaw added. "He crossed the line, and I was never going to forgive him for ruining my life. I never replied to his messages and ignore him to this day."

#15

I've always been forgetful. I'd lose things and they'd just be gone. Searching the apartment for an hour and they don't turn up. I'd check my car. I'd check at work. No f*****g clue. Happened pretty often. I'd warn people not to trust me with anything of value since I had a s**t habit of losing stuff.

Welp. Turns out Brian had been stealing from me for decades.

limbodog, Warren

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55points

#16

my friend cheated with my fiancé...

beautifulmargo, cottonbro studio

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54points

The OP also opened up about another former friend he had a falling out with. "I loved her as more than a friend, but she didn't have the same feelings of love for me," he noted. "She saw me as a younger brother to look out for, so I accepted that and told her I needed time to myself. We didn't talk until I reached out 2 years later."

"I helped out by becoming her roommate when both our leases had ended, as my sister had moved out and I was searching for months for a new roommate," he went on to explain. "We had been best friends for a few years, and we told each other everything, including our darkest secrets and our dreams."

#17

Visited me at college, Told me he was going to sleep at his ex gf's place. Actually stole a credit card from my wallet, booked a night at the marriott and proceeded to pretend like he didn't. That is until my dad called and asked about the charge because he took the emergency card my parents gave me. My dad made him drop the cash off at his mailbox and i've been ignoring him ever since.

fullsends, Emil Kalibradov

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49points

#18

Told me I had to choose between him or my wife, while we were riding in my wife dads pick up on a 1200 mile road trip. He was dead serious and got violent about it. I had to get the police to intervene. The wife and I still have no clue what went through his head or why he flipped the heck out.

The last thing I did for him was buy him a bus ticket home, and give him money for food.

Never saw him again.

DukeBeekeepersKid, Athena

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48points

DarksideOutlaw noted that other friends had warned him that this woman had "changed into a horrible person after she had been in an abusive relationship with her ex," but he didn't want to believe it. She told the OP that she was in debt and struggling to secure the money for bond, so he helped her out and said she could slowly pay him back when she could.

"Everything was fine at first when we both moved in, but the situation changed fast after a week," he shared. "I found out she was self medicating with weed, Xanax and alcohol for her depression and anxiety. I had to take on 2 jobs to cover the rent after I poured my savings into the bond. She would randomly get angry at the smallest of problems and then apologize profusely."

#19

Borrowed money from me and became evasive when I started asking when he'd pay it back. This went on for several months before I finally ran into him on our college campus and confronted him about it. He paid me within a week after that, but there was no salvaging the friendship after that.

DeathSpiral321, Karolina Grabowska

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48points

#20

Went on a tirade against immigrants and praised me for my ethnicity.

It was disgusting. It was the final nail in the coffin, it felt like the person I once knew died that day.

RIP amuck

roughtimes, Caique Nascimento

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44points

The friendship took a turn for the worst when the OP and his roommate got into an argument one night while she was cooking at 3am. "She panicked when I raised my voice and then pulled a knife on me telling me to get away while slashing the air," he shared. "I was scared for my life and had to slowly approach her telling her to calm down, then I took the knife from her and put in back and the drawer."

DarksideOutlaw then barricaded himself in his room to ensure that he was safe. His roommate tried to open it a few times, but he just went to sleep. "The day after, she had called the police and left the apartment," the OP continued. "I got back from my 2nd job at 11pm, and she had reported me for domestic abuse." He was then questioned by police about the situation, and a day later, he returned from work to find all of his possessions thrown out of the balcony, along with his furniture smashed or broken.