Since childhood, I was often told that being a non-confrontational person and, if possible, avoiding causing problems for others, is an undoubted virtue. It was only as an adult, with my own life experience, that I began to realize how flawed this attitude truly is, harming me first and foremost.
Because one way or another, allowing other people to violate your personal boundaries will lead to nothing good sooner or later. This pre-Christmas story, first told by the user u/symphonysadness, is further proof of this. So, let's jump right into it.
More info: Reddit
Hosting any party or friendly gathering is a complicated thing, and sometimes guests make things even more difficult
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post is a member of a small group of close friends, and she usually hosts Christmas parties for them at her home
Image credits: user25451090 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One of the group members is married to a lady whom other friends actually can't stand because of her toxic attitude and rude jokes
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Recently, while viewing the invitees' list, the author found an unfamiliar name - and it turned out to be that wife's friend whom she'd invited without even asking the host
Image credits: symphonysadness
The author was just embarrassed by this inappropriate deed, and decided to seek advice online on what to do
The Original poster (OP) describes herself as the youngest member of a group of close friends consisting of four women and six men, aged from 28 to their early 40s. Some of them are married to each other, and some are dating people outside this friendly circle, but overall, they all happily spend time together, and have been for years.
Perhaps the only person who bucks this trend is the wife of one of the male friends, whom our heroine considers her true best friend and the nicest person ever. According to the author, this woman moved in with her two kids in the man's house just six months after they met, and then they got married. However, no one in the friend group except her husband actually likes her.
This woman, although she has often gone on trips and gatherings with her husband's friends, still considers herself an outsider to them. She has repeatedly made nasty jokes toward them, played dirty tricks, and ended up being heavily disliked. And then, while reviewing the guest list for a friend’s Christmas party she was soon to host at her home, the author suddenly came across an unfamiliar name.
It turned out to be a friend of that lady she had invited without asking the OP's consent. Not wanting to have strangers in her home, the author decided to create a new guest list and, calling a friend, asked him to explain to his spouse that this was inappropriate. The guy apologized for his wife and promised to explain it to her.
So, imagine the author's surprise when she soon discovered several unfamiliar names on the new list already - obviously added by her friend's wife! Now, faced with such a blatant demarche, our heroine wondered what to do and took it online, seeking advice.
Image credits: diana.grytsku / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Etiquette experts say that guests can actually bring other uninvited guests only if the party in question is an open house party. However, as this dedicated article by Evite notes, it's never okay to bring another guest to a formal or close-friends-and-family-only event. Furthermore, the article authors believe that even asking for permission here may be improper.
Well, the authors of this post at Hutchinson News are quite certain that the woman was just obliged to at least call and ask the OP's permission. "Sometimes hosts allow their guests to bring friends, and this could have been the case," the source says. "The way to handle it is for your friend to call the hosts and ask." However, the OP's friend's wife flagrantly disregarded this rule twice.
People in the comments tried to understand the situation - some simply felt that the OP and her friends had completely unnecessarily harassed their friend's wife. However, after clarifying all the details, the responders did a 180 and agreed that the host was right in her unwillingness to let strangers come to her home. "Plus Ones don't get Plus Ones," someone concluded quite wittily in the comments.
In an update on her post, the OP wrote that, after reflecting on the situation, she decided to cancel the party altogether. The woman explained her motivation to her friends, and they all agreed. Now the author plans to just have a great time with her boyfriend at Christmas and enjoy the holidays to the fullest, which is what we wish for you too! And a comment about this story from you would probably be the best gift for us.
Most commenters finally sided with the author, so she made a difficult decision to cancel the whole party soon after
