Poeple often say that friendship breakups hurt just as much as romantic ones, and sometimes even more. One day you’re swapping inside jokes and getting on weekly Skype calls despite distance, and the next, you’re left staring at your phone wondering how someone who once knew everything about you could suddenly disappear.
This was tha painful reality of this Original Poster (OP) whose best friend ghosted her one day because she got into a relationship. While she longed for some kind of reconciliation, she was thrown off when the best friend eventually reached out.
More info: Reddit
Friendship breakups can cut deeper than romantic ones, especially when the other person doesn’t leave because of a fight, but because they found someone new
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The author became best friends with this lady on their first day of college and they lived together for three years
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After graduation, the author moved to Los Angeles for a film career, while her best friend moved back home to save for grad school
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They stayed in frequent contact for a year through texts, calls, and Skype, until her friend suddenly cut off all communication
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Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She later learned from her friend's mother that she was spending time with a new boyfriend who seemed disrespectful and problematic
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Months later, the friend briefly contacted her, not to reconnect, but to ask for help getting her boyfriend a TV writing job
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After a series of confusing interactions, including social media tension involving mutual friends, she confronted the best friend via email about the hurt and one-sided friendship
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Ultimately, she decided that she could no longer maintain the friendship and was stepping away from it
The OP shared that she and her best friend met on their very first day of college and quickly became inseparable that they even lived together for three years. After graduation sent them down different paths, with the OP going into the film industry in Los Angeles, while the best friend went back home to save for grad school. Still, their friendship survived the distance.
For an entire year, they texted daily, talked on the phone often, and even scheduled regular Skype calls. Then, without warning, their communication stopped completely, and it was so alarming that the OP eventually reached out to her friend’s mother, only to learn that a new boyfriend had entered the picture hence the reason for her silence.
Months later, the friend texted her about the new boyfriend, and from the little the OP could see online, the boyfriend appeared openly abrasive, misogynistic, and homophobic. Unfortunately, her friend had a pattern of disappearing into unhealthy relationships, becoming unrecognizable until they ended. However, it shocked and upset her when she saw on Facebook that they were engaged.
While the friendship faded, the OP's career flourished. She landed a major screenwriting job, and an interview about her success circulated online. That’s when her old friend suddenly reappeared, not with an apology or congratulations, but with a favor. She asked if the OP could help her boyfriend get a job as a TV writer. Naturally, this left her feeling heartbroken and in an update, shared that she decided to end the friendship.
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The OP's experience with her best friend illustrates patterns that psychologists and relationship experts have long studied. According to YourTango, some people repeatedly lose themselves in romantic relationships because their self-worth becomes overly tied to being a "good partner".
They explain that this leads them to neglect personal needs, distance themselves from friends, and compromise their identity to maintain the relationship and avoid conflict. These behaviors are often rooted in fragile self-esteem, fear of abandonment, and habits like self-silencing, which can repeat across multiple relationships and create cycles of emotional burnout.
Practical Intimacy notes that this lack of acknowledgement is painful, and that relationships then marked by one-sided effort and lack of acknowledgment can lead to emotional burnout, resentment, and eventual withdrawal. When care, validation, or support aren’t reciprocated, people often move from hurt to chronic anger and numbness as a protective measure.
Finally, Personal Psychology emphasizes that setting boundaries in relationships that consistently cause pain is often the healthiest response. Boundaries safeguard emotional and physical well-being while giving the other person an opportunity to adjust their behavior. They don’t necessarily signal the end of a relationship but clearly define what will and will not be tolerated, preserving self-respect.
Netizens supported the OP's decision to end the friendship. They related to losing friends to romantic relationships that overshadowed the bond, noting how emotionally exhausting and one-sided such dynamics can be. They also emphasized the importance of self-respect and setting boundaries in friendships, stressing that it is the healthiest choice.
What would you do if you were in the OP's shoes? Would you ever cut ties with a friend who repeatedly puts their partner before you? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens emphasized the importance of self-respect and setting boundaries in friendships, applauding the author for doing so
