Good friends are rare. True friends are even rarer. And it’s sometimes hard to tell whether someone has bad intentions until they’ve tried to undermine your most sacred boundaries.
Internet user u/Ill-Secretary-205 begged the AITA community for help after finally confronting someone she thought was a close friend. Things came to a head after her fake ‘friend’ not only tried to copy her personality and steal her life and identity but also tried to take her love interest, too. Read on for the full story and update.
Fake friends often pretend to have your best interests at heart, when in reality they don't care about you
This woman shared how she confronted who she thought was a close friend after she started taking over her life
Setting boundaries and going through with consequences are two great tools in your arsenal to protect your well-being
Someone who constantly tries to one-up you, puts you down, and attempts to take over aspects of your life most definitely does not have your best interests at heart. In a nutshell, they do not respect you. Sure, you can give them the benefit of the doubt: they might not be aware that their behavior is problematic. In that case, talk to them about how they affect you, and set some clearer boundaries.
However, don’t be naive. They might get defensive and lash out at you. In their mind, they’re perfect as they are. And if you have a problem with them, it’s you who’s too sensitive, while they’re always in the right. Unfortunately, you can’t really help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves or doesn’t think they need any help in the first place. The best you can do is protect your boundaries and go through with any consequences that you’ve communicated.
For instance, you can reduce the amount of time you spend with the toxic individual. Or, in some drastic cases, you might need to cut off all contact with them. At least for a time. Your well-being should be your priority. And you deserve to be around people who understand that friendship is reciprocal. It’s a two-way street, and both people have to put in the effort and be respectful of each other’s needs.
At the end of the day, you have to be brutally honest with yourself about whether someone is a true friend or merely pretending to be one because they want something from you. There are lots of different types of fake friends.
There are many different types of fake friends. Here are the red flags to look out for
For example, the fair-weather friend is someone who is only ever around you when times are good. However, when things get tough, they’re gone… until things get good again! They are unreliable and unsupportive, and they want just the fun aspects of friendship.
Meanwhile, Verywell Mind warns that opportunists are a type of fake friend who are constantly calculating what they can get out of your relationship. Similarly to the fair-weather friend, when you actually need help, support, or a favor, they won’t be available.
Other types of fake friends include:
- The flatterer, who uses compliments and praise to manipulate you
- The competitor, who sees your success as a threat and undermines your achievements to feel superior
- The gossip, who thrives on drama and rumors, and spreads lies to harm your reputation. Similar to the drama magnet who creates unnecessary drama in your life for their entertainment
- The user, who exploits your kindness and generosity to take advantage of your resources. Similar to opportunists and fair-weather friends
- The validation seeker, who wants your praise and attention to improve their self-esteem
- The energy vampire, who leaves you physically and emotionally drained
Everyone deserves to have good friendships. Fake friends harm your well-being
As Calm emphasizes, shallow or one-sided friendships wear you down through unmet needs. You might start second-guessing your needs, censor yourself and your emotions, disengage from genuine connections, feel tense after interactions with your ‘friends,’ and start believing that being overlooked is ‘normal.’
Fake friends are not always overtly toxic. They can be funny and fun to be around, too.
“That’s what makes it hard to see the harm. But your nervous system often picks up what your brain hasn’t named yet. If you regularly leave interactions feeling drained or invisible, that’s worth paying attention to,” Calm points out.
We want to hear from you! Share your perspective in the comments at the bottom of this post, Pandas. Do you think the author was right to confront her ‘friend’ over her questionable behavior, or did she go too far? If you’ve ever had to deal with fake friends, what was the moment that finally made you realize that they’re draining you instead of lifting you up? On the other hand, what are some signs that someone is a true friend who will have your back no matter what? Let us know!
This is what people online said after reading about the friendship drama. Some readers thought the author was right to confront her 'friend'
However, others called out everyone in the story
The author later shared an important update about the falling out
Here are more internet users' perspectives on what happened
