The dating scene can be harsh. And so, sometimes bringing your friends along can be helpful. They can help you to meet new people or get on with those whom you've already met. But other times, tagging along with your friends in the dating scene can only complicate friendships.
Recently, Reddit user Charming_Golf274 found themselves in this kind of situation. And they went to the r/TrueOffMyChest community to tell their story.
What to do if your friend gets mad at you for seemingly no reason?
Image credits: Abdullah Arain (not the actual photo)
A man found himself in a situation where his friend got mad at him after he dressed better than usual for a date
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Charming_Golf274
Image credits: Viktoria Slowikowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Charming_Golf274
Even though his friend got mad, his date was impressed, which earned him a second date
The story starts with the OP being asked to go on a double date with his friend Joel and two women - Jean and Sam. Sam was new to the dating scene, and so her friend Jean wanted to gently introduce her to it.
Sam wasn’t thrilled after hearing that she would have to go out with the OP but agreed just for the experience. The reason for that was that Joel was the athletic, charming, simply put, the designated attractive friend. And the OP is the chubby, reserved friend.
For the date, the original poster got a haircut, dressed up, and even bought a flower for his date. That pleasantly surprised both his date Sam and her friend Jean. But Joel looked annoyed.
During the date, the OP and his date had a blast. But the man couldn’t help but notice that the whole time, his friend was glancing at him. He could not understand what was the reason for that.
He got the explanation after the date. Joel expressed that he thought that the OP’s actions were cringy, and that everything the OP did distracted Jean’s attention from him.
This left the original poster even more confused. He did not see anything bad in his actions or looks. He wasn’t dressed too formally or too fancy, as his friend Joel implied; he only wore a white shirt, flannel, and jeans with Converse. His actions weren’t out of place either - he just talked to his date, shared a meal with her, and went to her favorite ice cream shop. And as for Jean’s attention - he barely talked to her, so technically he was not distracting her from Joel. Rather, Joel’s apathy distracted Jean.
Later, the man posted an update about the whole situation. There he said that he had a talk with Joel, and eventually his friend apologized for his unprompted anger. And now, Joel is turning into a new man. Supposedly, he is trying to be more attentive to his dates.
Even better news from the update was that after a couple more dates, the OP and his date Sam are now officially dating.
Image credits: Tan Danh (not the actual photo)
Talking about dressing up for a first date, technically, there are no fixed rules on what is allowed or not allowed to wear. Of course, a person should dress up nicely; after all, they are trying to impress the person they’re on a date with. However, dressing too fancy can be the wrong choice too.
Essentially, some guidelines can be followed in order to dress appropriately for a first date.
For example, a person should try to wear something they’re comfortable in that makes them feel the most confident. The first date is the occasion to break out the clothing pieces that are reserved for something special.
A few things should be avoided, too, like dressing up in brand-new pieces that might be uncomfortable. Or trying to dress up in a different style than usual, essentially trying to pretend to be someone you’re not. Overthinking how you’re dressed is also a “don’t” on the first date recommendation list.
For more information about dates and first impressions, Bored Panda reached out to relationship expert Dr. Betsy Chung. You should check out her website.
We asked her if double dates are considered to be a healthy thing to do from a psychological perspective. She said “Double dates can be a healthy way for couples to develop support. In addition to individual friendships that tend to be more personal, sometimes it can be fun for couples to develop friendships with other couples so there are more options for activities, but also connect about issues that both couples have in common.”
For the topic of dates, we additionally asked how much effort a person should put into impressing their dates. Dr. Betsy answered that it’s always good to put effort into it, as long as it doesn’t delete your authenticity. “If you're a person who prefers casual restaurants, don't take your date to a Michelin-star restaurant. You want to show up as yourself as much as possible so that the person who agrees to go on a 2nd date with you is doing so because they like the person they met on the 1st date. Only then can you continue to be your comfortable self.”
Lastly, we asked her about clothes. More specifically, why does something as simple as clothes have a huge impact on first impressions? According to Dr. Betsy, “as much as we try not to 'judge a book by its cover', humans have a habit of making meaning of new experiences.” She added that when you meet a new person, the feeling you get from doing so becomes stored in your brain as the assessment of that person. “Though that impression can be changed over time, the first meeting will influence how you feel about a second meeting, and whether the second meeting will happen.”
Tying all this information to the Reddit story, we can see the OP actually did nothing wrong. Yes, he dressed up a bit differently than usual, but it wasn’t to a crazy extent. He just wanted to look nice for his date. And so, his friend Joel expecting him to look unattractive and then getting mad when he wasn’t was just a jerk move.
Commentators united to reassure the OP that he did nothing wrong. His friend Joel was wrong for expecting to do nothing and still be the charming one on the double date. The OP charming his date, while Joel ended up being the dull one, was the greatest outcome.
Some even suggested that the OP should reconsider the friendship. After all, his friend just assumed he would be the unattractive one who wouldn’t have fun on a date. And that is just not a nice thing to assume.
People online decided that Joel was using his friend as a “safe wingman” and ultimately paid his price for that
