Becoming a parent when you know you’re ready for it can be one of the best feelings in the world. You’re now connected to a tiny new life and responsible for raising them to become whatever it is they want to be - their potential is just limitless.
For one woman becoming a foster mom, though, she was shocked when her family declared that having a baby shower wasn’t worth it, since she wasn’t becoming a “real” mother. Irked by their backlash, she turned to Reddit to ask if she deserves a baby shower despite the complaints.
More info: Reddit
Woman about to become a foster mom was thrilled when her friend planned a baby shower for her
Image credits: melis can (not the actual photo)
She sent invites out, but got slammed because she’s not becoming a “real” mother
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
Family claimed since she wasn’t having a baby, she didn’t need a shower, and even accused her of being selfish for expecting a party
Image credits: u/Agreeable_Slide_9672
The woman then turned to the internet to ask if she’s the jerk for wanting to have a shower, even though she’s not becoming a “real mom”
OP begins her story by telling the community that, while she and her husband have been together for 8 years and married for 5, the couple had been trying to conceive but suffered from infertility issues. After a lot of therapy and discussion, they decided to go the foster route.
She goes on to say that they’ve gotten through all the checks and training and are now licensed. OP admits that both her and her hubby’s families haven’t exactly warmed to the idea, but that their friends have been both supportive and encouraging about it. One friend even went so far as to offer hosting something like a baby shower for the couple.
OP’s troubles started shortly after the invites were sent out, though. Both sides of the family slammed the idea of a shower, saying that OP wasn’t becoming a real mother, so she shouldn’t expect to be treated like one. There were even claims that if OP and her husband couldn’t afford a foster relationship, they shouldn’t be doing it.
The woman says that she and her husband can more than afford it, and weren’t expecting gifts anyway - it was more about celebrating the milestone for them. Now OP has turned to Reddit to ask if she’s the jerk for wanting to have a nice shower even though she’s not becoming a “real” mom.
Image credits: Leeloo The First (not the actual photo)
Considering it wasn’t even OP’s idea to have the baby shower in the first place, we can’t say that she was being entitled, even though evidently most of the family seems to think so.
In fact, by choosing to foster, OP’s actually being pretty selfless. Being a foster parent can be a roller coaster ride of emotions, especially when, unlike adoption, the child or children may only be with the foster parents short-term. Caring for a foster child requires deep commitment and loads of unconditional love.
Currently, there are over 390,000 children in foster care, but the number shifts significantly over the years. In 2018, it was as high as 437,000 children. Foster care is a critical option for these kids. No matter their situation, it allows them to get the care and support they need during what’s typically an extremely challenging time.
In 2021, it was reported that the average age of a child in foster care was 8. More than half of children were under 10 years old, with 7% less than one year old, and 27% teenagers. This means that OP could be fostering a kid of almost any age, so regular baby shower rules go out the window.
If she wants to go ahead with a symbolic celebration of this new chapter in her and her husband’s life, she’s going to need what’s called a foster parent shower.
While a mother who’s expecting a biological child has roughly 9 months to prepare for their arrival and a laundry list of baby registry items for the shower, foster parents need to be prepared for pretty much everything, and at a moment’s notice.
In her article for Transfiguring Adoption, foster mom Margie Fink suggests a list of practical gift ideas for foster parent showers.
These include disposable dinnerware to cut the workload when new placements arrive, nightlights and flashlights for younger kids, organization items for the endless paperwork, locking medicine containers, kids’ movies, family board games, and medical supplies.
Then there are the more obvious options like gift cards, which can be used for clothing, family outings and restaurants. Car/booster seats are also useful, as are resource books for the parents, such as Parenting the Hurt Child by Keck and Kupecky and The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis.
Since OP’s friends are so supportive, maybe she and her hubby should have the celebration anyway and skip the noise by letting the families choose for themselves if they want to be there or not.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s situation? Do you think the family members are the actual jerks here? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
While Redditors came up with plenty of practical gift ideas for the shower, many agreed that the occasion was more about recognizing and celebrating the change in the woman’s life
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
