31 Things People Discovered Were Not OK In A Relationship Only After Dating Someone Else

I texted my then new girlfriend about where I was and who I was with about every 30 minutes. After the 3rd time, she told me that she didn't need to get updates on what I was doing, and to just let her know when I got home safe. I remember feeling almost a physical weight being lifted off my chest because I didn't have to worry about my girlfriend freaking out if I didn't update her. I learned what trust felt like that night.

Daily binge drinking until I realized a) I'm an alcoholic and b) hetero relationships don't work when one partner tries to drink the gay away

Only took me 9 years but I got there eventually

This is morbid but I thought it was normal to argue every day. I thought 'all couples have their bickering' and it was just a regular thing.

I was astounded when I went into my next relationship and actually got on with the guy and went weeks and weeks without having any issues. It always felt like the bubble was going to burst. Goes to show - don't stay in a relationship just because you've already invested a tonne of time. You get one life, spend it with someone who makes you laugh every day.

Your partner should actually make an effort to spend time with you. You shouldn't have to surprise them to spend any time with them.

Psychological abuse. I have a physical reaction now when my current partners are nice to me when I do something he would have berated me for hours and locked me in my room for. Like, I get a panic attack *because* my partners are nice to me when I drop a glass, or got laid off, or forgot to unload the dishwasher. And then they don't bring it up every time they're irritated with me. My ex was still yelling at me 14 years later for s**t I did when we first started dating - s**t like I forgot to pick up his laundry from the floor or bought the wrong brand of bacon. At the end there, the lectures lasted hours as he recounted 14 years of offenses. My current partners? They don't throw s**t in my face that I did the day before. The dissonance is crazy. I knew the other abuse wasn't normal, but my step dad is the same way with my mom, so I had no idea, I just thought it's how men are.

That you should be happy together *now*, and not constantly waiting for some vaguely defined future where everything's settled down.

My first boyfriend was so ridiculously clingy. Like if we were in bed together we would HAVE to cuddle otherwise he would cry and think that I was mad at him, when in reality I was just hot and wanted some space.

I just thought that's what relationships were.

My relationship now is nothing like that. It is so nice to be in the same room but doing completely seperate things and not have to worry about each other.

Both oh my exbfs (2 years each relationship) told me that I had to be under 100lbs. I’m very petite but changed when I ate so I only ate one a day. My now husband has to kindly remind me that it’s okay to eat more then one meal.

This is a little strange I guess, sort of an individual thing, but... with my first two relationships (5 years total between the two) I never realized how cuddly I am. I used to HATE being touched or kissed, and I never realized that wasn't just... the way I was. I even thought I might be asexual, but deep down I knew that wasn't the case.

My fiancé used to be the same way, but when we met, somehow things just... clicked into place.

You're apparantly not supposed to be afraid of your boyfriend, and a man doing his share of his own housework is not impossible to come by nor something you can't realistically expect! Also your partner isn't supposed to hate your friends and family nor shout at you about not having steak for dinner. And throwing glasses/plates at you or throwing punches is, like, frowned upon. (I'm living a much better life nowadays, truly! :) )

being cowed into an "open arrangement" = normal.

Him introducing me to "friends" while hanging out or going to parties and then him telling me later in the evening after the ice had broken that they were actually the girl(s) he was f*****g. Capitulating to his insistance that we continue to hang out even though I was uncomfortable with knowing this new information. = Normal.

Him making unwelcome and uncomfortable comments to other women I was friends with in front of me to attempt to orchestrate threesomes that I was not ok with.= Normal

If you love me, you'll chase after me = Normal

If you love me you'll leave face time up at all times so I can see whats going on in your dorm = Normal

If you love me you will not show any sad or mad emotion because it ruins my mood = Normal.

Crying. All. The. Time.

She would use tears to the point of manipulation. This was in high school btw. I thought that was just “a girl thing” but no way. My current gf and I have been dating for 3 and a half years and she only cries when she’s in pain or having a panic attack. Both of which are not my fault and I can help her through.

Damn I thought every girl cried like 3 times a day. If any of you are dating a Kendra from Southern California, get the hell away.

People's love languages are all different. It's especially jarring when you have a *lot* of experience doing things a certain way, and then finding out that isn't what somebody else needs. It can take some work to figure out what's inherent to yourself and what was learned from your partner.

I would lick the side of my first girlfriend's face like a dog and she loved it. My second girlfriend slapped me when I tried it.

That sex should last more than 45 seconds

I see so much horrible things on here, mine is quite tame but here goes.

My first boyfriend would always leave me small presents or notes underneath my pillow if I had to get up earlier than he did. He was quite romantic and told me I love you quite a lot. When I got a new boyfriend I caught myself looking underneath my pillow for at least a month/2 months in, just out of habit.

She made me believe the old TV tropes of women NEVER wanting sex. I had to work my a*s off to get her to give me some action.

The next girl I had was just f*****g amazed that I didn't just ask for it when I wanted it. The bewildered look on her face when she finally asked "You realize I'm horny too right?"

I grew up in a pretty strict Christian home and was taught that sex before marriage was a sin.

My first teenage boyfriend and I were together for 5 years and never came anywhere close to having sex. At the time, I thought it was because I was a good Christian. Since sex before marriage was wrong, I didn't want to have sex with him. All my friends were either having sex or struggling not to. I didn't understand this because I didn't have the desire to do "wrong," just as I didn't have the desire to hurt people or lie or steal.

He and I broke up as our lives went in different paths. My next relationship became sexual pretty quickly, and it was only then that I realized that I was never really attracted to my ex, which is why I didn't want to have sex with him.

My ex basically taught me that it wasn't okay for me to be upset about things. Every time I would get my feelings hurt (even when I was upset about something completely unrelated to him) it was somehow flipped around so I ended up reassuring and comforting him. That s**t really messed me up, and I basically had to relearn how to be vulnerable with my SO. He also had a very solid plan of how he expected me to live my life, basically his main goal for me was to have kids and be a good housewife. Yikes.

On the bright side, nowadays I'm happily engaged and my fiance treats me with so much love and respect. He's supportive of my dreams and we are able to lean on each other in times of hardship.

It wasn't super long term, only about a year but when you're in high school that's fairly long term. My ex was a very clingy dude, sweet but would follow me around every social gathering and get jealous of me spending time with my friends. When I started dating the guy who is now my husband I remember looking around at a party early on of mostly my friends that he hadn't met before and I couldn't find him. I asked someone where he was and he was out by the fire with a group of people chatting and hanging out. I was astonished that we could just go our separate ways in a social setting and that was totally fine, we didn't have to be attached at the hip the whole time.

Edit: When I say he would follow me around I literally mean he never left my side. And these were parties and things where he knew everyone as well. At one point my friend was upset so I went into a bedroom with her and another friend to talk to her and within five minutes he came into the room and even though this was obviously private he just stood in there. And I did tell him multiple times that we didn't constantly have to be beside each other. If you and your partner like to hang out at parties that's fine but it was suffocating to me. He was jealous of my friends and complained when I would make plans with them. Honestly we were young and he's probably a totally fine dude now. We were just not right together.