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As you’re reading through these stories, it may seem that humans are cruel by nature, always looking for opportunities to get even with their tyrant bosses and horrible colleagues. While revenge is rarely discussed in the corporate world, it’s important to understand the psychology behind it and what makes employees act on it.
To find out what an expert had to say about navigating through the feelings of retaliation, we reached out to Shari Botwin, LCSW and author of Thriving After Trauma: Stories of Living and Healing.
"It is completely natural and normal to want to retaliate when someone causes us harm in any way," she told Bored Panda. "Our first instinct is to want to fight back or get back at the person who hurt us. It is especially normal in a work environment to want revenge when we feel belittled or shamed in the workplace. While we depend on our bosses or place of employment for our livelihood, there is less risk in our interpersonal relationships when we try and get even with co-workers."
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So one day took a print screen picture capture jpg of his background, then moved all his icons and short cuts on his desktop to an innocuous folder and put the print screen jpg up as his background. So the shortcuts and the links that appeared to be on desktop were just a picture and were not click able. He messed around with his computer for hours unable to get it to function normally.
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Botwin explained that acts of vengeance can make us feel good, but only in the short term. "Initially, it can feel good to retaliate," she said. "For the first five or ten minutes, endorphins kick in and we feel better once we strike back."
However, in the long run, acting out of spite at work can cause more problems and even lead to job loss, a demotion at work, and feelings of regret, Botwin argued. "For example, if we take to social media as an outlet for our anger, we are at risk of feeling more exposed and ridiculed by others. Once we post our feelings on a public platform, we cannot take them back. We can delete a post if we decide it’s not the appropriate way to respond. But that does not stop others from taking action or possibly using that information against us."
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During a lull in customers one morning, I checked the schedule to see when I'd be working next. I usually only worked twice a week or so at that point being that she had skimped my hours by half, but this time I wasn't scheduled at all. Confused and slightly panicked, I called her immediately. She laughed it off, saying it was a mistake and that she would call me as soon as she updated it.
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But when we feel that someone hurt us or took advantage of us, emotions still pull us toward retaliation. Botwin told us that it is hard not to take revenge because we do not want to believe someone else got to us or has the power to cause harm without penalty.
"It takes strength and courage to hold the line and set boundaries, without acting on the impulse to strike back. Being able to assert with bosses and/or employers by saying things like, 'It is not okay to talk to me like that or treat me like that.' That lets people know what our boundary is and prevents us from feeling regret and guilt." The trauma specialist added that in some cases, saying nothing and telling ourselves things like, "I am better than that," is more empowering and self-protective.
"Often, people who have acted on their anger in the moment will tell me later things like, 'I wished I just sat with feeling before acting,' or 'trying to get back at my boss just made things worse for me.' The stress and shame that follows retaliation leads to more risk of being hurt again," Botwin added.
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It's important to fight this overwhelming impulse to get retribution because lashing back rarely solves our problems. Rather, it might increase our anger and lead to self-destructive actions. "[Acting on revenge] usually results in more guilt and often leads to higher levels of anxiety and, in some cases, feelings of shame and self-defeat. The part of us that has a conscious will end up feeling like it was not worth it to stoop down to a lower level to make us feel better about ourselves."
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If you’re thinking about seeking payback on someone who wronged you at work, pause for a second and think. "When we react out of spite, it puts us in a more vulnerable position and can cause more damage down the line. It is okay to have urges to retaliate, but best to sit with that impulse before acting on it. Asking ourselves questions like, 'how will getting back at this person help me,' are thoughts to consider before reacting," Botwin suggested.
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