A review of 38 studies showed that adult friendships, especially those that provide quality companionship and support, significantly predict well-being and can protect against mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.
However, there are no guarantees that, at some point, we won't part ways with the people around us—even those we consider integral to our lives.
To learn more about the ways this happens, Reddit user New_Perspective1201 asked others on the platform to reveal why they cut off their long-time BFFs. Below are the most memorable stories they received.
#1
My best friend of over 20 years, we both had kids about the same age, and our daughters were also best friends.
She left her then 15 year old with me for a week while she went on a trip to Bali (no problem at all), and her daughter attempted to end her life. I took her to hospital, got care for her, sat by her bed for 3 days, made sure she was set up with a social worker, got her connected with the local mental health unit and youth services team, and put a plan in place to help her recover and move forward etc etc etc.
Obviously I'd called her mum on day one and kept her appraised, but this woman not only didn't change her flights and come home (because it would have cost $200 to change the flights), she literally told me "oh you don't have to go to the hospital every day to sit with her, that's what the nurses are for".
And then when she finally got back, she flipped out at me for "parenting her child behind her back".
I'm still in contact with the kid - she's living independently and working as a baker's apprentice, she's gone no contact with her mother, but she still rings me up when she needs a grown up to talk to.
I will never speak to that "friend" again.
She left her then 15 year old with me for a week while she went on a trip to Bali (no problem at all), and her daughter attempted to end her life. I took her to hospital, got care for her, sat by her bed for 3 days, made sure she was set up with a social worker, got her connected with the local mental health unit and youth services team, and put a plan in place to help her recover and move forward etc etc etc.
Obviously I'd called her mum on day one and kept her appraised, but this woman not only didn't change her flights and come home (because it would have cost $200 to change the flights), she literally told me "oh you don't have to go to the hospital every day to sit with her, that's what the nurses are for".
And then when she finally got back, she flipped out at me for "parenting her child behind her back".
I'm still in contact with the kid - she's living independently and working as a baker's apprentice, she's gone no contact with her mother, but she still rings me up when she needs a grown up to talk to.
I will never speak to that "friend" again.
111points
Part of the reason why such losses are so painful is that we can just go replace our friends on a whim. New York City-based grief therapist Natalie Greenberg told Bored Panda, "Friendships are fluid, fluctuating between intimate and distant moments."
"There is not one defining feature to distinguish when someone has crossed this threshold. For me, I would consider someone a friend if I could text them without formality — for example, send a question or a thought, without having to say, 'Good morning, how are you?' The conversation is always open and ongoing."
#2
When I was a freshman in college I shared a room with my best friend from high school. I kept a diary that I wrote in every day, and I would hide it in my locked closet.
One day I came back from class to find her reading out loud from my diary to a group of our friends. She had broken into the closet just to get the diary.
I haven’t spoken to that b***h in 30 plus years.
One day I came back from class to find her reading out loud from my diary to a group of our friends. She had broken into the closet just to get the diary.
I haven’t spoken to that b***h in 30 plus years.
93points
#3
So stupid.
He was an army vet, and a staunch proponent of freedom of speech: he believed that anyone can say whatever they want, and there should never be any repercussions of any kind for whatever anyone says.
I told him the guarantee of freedom of speech in the US just meant the government can’t arrest you; it doesn’t mean freedom from social repercussions.
He disagreed so vehemently, he blocked me and hasn’t spoken to me since.
Thereby proving my point, ironically.
He was an army vet, and a staunch proponent of freedom of speech: he believed that anyone can say whatever they want, and there should never be any repercussions of any kind for whatever anyone says.
I told him the guarantee of freedom of speech in the US just meant the government can’t arrest you; it doesn’t mean freedom from social repercussions.
He disagreed so vehemently, he blocked me and hasn’t spoken to me since.
Thereby proving my point, ironically.
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86points
An American adult has an average of four to five friends, similar to numbers from 1970 to 2015, researchers reported.
2% of people describe themselves as friendless, which is also in line with data from previous years.
However, many people long for greater closeness with friends; although over 75% were satisfied with the number of friends they had, 42% felt they were not as close as they would like.
#4
She became a religious antivaxxer and I’m an atheist pediatrician.
Report
86points
#5
She was a key witness to my r**e trial but was too lazy to go into the police station to make a statement. She had three years to do it. I lost the trial, but it was close- I’ll always wonder if I would have got justice if she had done it.
72points
#6
I realized that I was the only one that reached out. So I stopped reaching out and that was that.
69points
If you too are going through something similar to the people on this list, keep in mind that "approaching a loss of a friendship, especially after betrayal or abandonment, is very difficult," Greenberg said. "It’s important to allow yourself to feel the pain of this loss of a friend, even though it isn't a human death, or a divorce in the romantic sense."
According to the therapist, "Friendships can be extremely intimate, and one may experience the stages of grief in the aftermath. Some helpful strategies include journaling, moving your body, allowing yourself to feel sad, and speaking with a grief specialist." And if you think that sharing the experience online could alleviate some of the pain, maybe it's also worth a shot.
#7
When I realized that me being a good friend to her was actually just me being a caretaker with poor boundaries and putting up with years of emotional abuse.
When that fog lifted it was completely life changing.
When that fog lifted it was completely life changing.
Report
61points
#8
He was bangin' my wife for 3 years, and had the temerity to say that it was my fault.
60points
#9
Said I deserved the death penalty for getting an abortion and meant it
57points
#10
I was diagnosed with cancer a year after moving across the country from my friends from high school. I didn't ask for them to do anything except play some online games with me while I recovered from surgery.
Not one of them did. They were playing other games (I could see in my various friends lists) but none of them would put aside the games they were playing to keep me company and take my mind off of things. No texts, no phone calls, nothing. The only thing I asked for was time/online company and they put in zero effort.
This was the last straw in a long, long string of feeling like an afterthought. It's been 9 years and not a single one of them has even tried to contact me since then. Guess being an "afterthought" was too optimistic even.
Not one of them did. They were playing other games (I could see in my various friends lists) but none of them would put aside the games they were playing to keep me company and take my mind off of things. No texts, no phone calls, nothing. The only thing I asked for was time/online company and they put in zero effort.
This was the last straw in a long, long string of feeling like an afterthought. It's been 9 years and not a single one of them has even tried to contact me since then. Guess being an "afterthought" was too optimistic even.
Report
56points
#11
He insulted the lady who has been my assistant for almost 30 years.
55points
#12
During Covid he went on a long rant about how disabled people should be allowed to die so he didn't have to be in lockdown. I am disabled.
53points
#13
Found out he slept with my high school girlfriend and held that secret for 10 years. He also invited my 13 year old sister out to drink and party with his/our friends.
Drew the line, ended the friendship, and clocked him in the jaw for that one.
I didn't learn he slept with my high school girlfriend until many years after the friendship ended. But that made a lot of things make complete sense.
He was always extremely angry and ticked off at me whenever I spent time with her.
He was never a friend really
Drew the line, ended the friendship, and clocked him in the jaw for that one.
I didn't learn he slept with my high school girlfriend until many years after the friendship ended. But that made a lot of things make complete sense.
He was always extremely angry and ticked off at me whenever I spent time with her.
He was never a friend really
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52points
#14
Realized that we were only friends when they needed something but was never around for me.
50points
#15
He yelled at me for correcting him on the pronunciation of a word, something he did to me all the time, despite being wrong. He yelled and yelled at me. I said I'm done, bye, but not before calmly getting in one barb at him.
49points
#16
He had the gall to unexpectedly die on me.
(kidding about the gall, I still miss him)
(kidding about the gall, I still miss him)
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48points
#17
Kept “borrowing money” for me to “feed their kids” or get “their kids medication, it’s an emergency!” And, truly, they were destitute, these instances were plausible. But, one day, after being told one of the kids had been hospitalized and released home, and between the uber rides to and from the hospital they didn’t have enough for his meds at the pharmacy, I signed on to Facebook and saw pictures of them - “sick” kid included - at a block party. Destroyed the friendship for me.
For the record, I never expected them to pay back borrowed money for food or medicine. I was happy to help. Those kids were like my kids, too. It was betrayal and finding out I wasn’t loved like I loved that got me.
For the record, I never expected them to pay back borrowed money for food or medicine. I was happy to help. Those kids were like my kids, too. It was betrayal and finding out I wasn’t loved like I loved that got me.
47points
#18
We were supposed to move in together- The first move away from our parents. Fortunately, we were renting from my parents, because.... The night before our move-in date, he called me to say he had gotten his own apartment earlier that day, without me. He then listed entirely everything about me that annoyed him and every mistake and flaw I had that he knew about. Since he was my best friend, it was a lot. There was no sign this was coming. We had only ever argued a couple of times. I never knew that so much about me was so distasteful to him. I was devastated.
A couple of weeks later, he called and came over until I spoke to him. He was very apologetic- for reasons I would have completely understood had he told me, he had a breakdown and realized he needed to live on his own. Knowing it was going to mess things up for me, he made it my fault. He said he didn't mean any of it and was horrified about how he treated me. Yet it was so detailed and specific, going back years to incidents that I had no idea were an issue. There was just no fixing it. I could never feel comfortable and trust him again. On one hand, I miss people I used to know. I don't miss him or think of him often or with nostalgic fondness. My daughter doesn't know who he is when she comes across old pictures of us, but she knows about other old friends, since I mention them. On the other hand...
It's been 20 years. It's hard for me to have close friends still, because I feel like they may be building lists of things I do wrong and ways I just am wrong and awful. And maybe they'll call one day when I least expect it and list it all.
It wasn't good.
A couple of weeks later, he called and came over until I spoke to him. He was very apologetic- for reasons I would have completely understood had he told me, he had a breakdown and realized he needed to live on his own. Knowing it was going to mess things up for me, he made it my fault. He said he didn't mean any of it and was horrified about how he treated me. Yet it was so detailed and specific, going back years to incidents that I had no idea were an issue. There was just no fixing it. I could never feel comfortable and trust him again. On one hand, I miss people I used to know. I don't miss him or think of him often or with nostalgic fondness. My daughter doesn't know who he is when she comes across old pictures of us, but she knows about other old friends, since I mention them. On the other hand...
It's been 20 years. It's hard for me to have close friends still, because I feel like they may be building lists of things I do wrong and ways I just am wrong and awful. And maybe they'll call one day when I least expect it and list it all.
It wasn't good.
Report
47points
#19
He was foaming at the mouth saying he was going to k**l me, while swinging a baseball bat and destroying his own kitchen
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47points
#20
Everything was someone else’s fault. On both the macro and micro levels.
If it was an interpersonal issue it was never him at fault, ever. Relationship problems, always his partners at fault. Even when the same reasons caused each break up. Got into a verbal altercation at the bar? Someone else’s fault completely.
It was too exhausting.
If it was an interpersonal issue it was never him at fault, ever. Relationship problems, always his partners at fault. Even when the same reasons caused each break up. Got into a verbal altercation at the bar? Someone else’s fault completely.
It was too exhausting.
43points