Family dinners should be about spending quality time together, maybe catching up if you haven’t seen each other for a while. The last thing you should be worrying about is who shoulders the bill at the end of the night.
This wasn’t the case for this family, when a father-in-law suddenly asked whether they should split the tab. He made the offer after nearly a year of free dinners courtesy of his son and his spouse.
But what he thought was a nice gesture turned awkward, as it also opened the conversation about their previous dinner bills, which amounted to nearly $2,000.
Money can be a sensitive subject among family members
This was the cause of drama during a birthday dinner, when the father-in-law offered to split the bill
The author, however, seemingly took offense and brought up the accumulated bill from nearly a year’s worth of dinners
There is a “golden rule” when it comes to who picks up the tab when dining out
The problem of picking up the tab during dinners isn’t unique to the author and their family. It is a common scenario that can sometimes lead to conflict if left unresolved.
But etiquette expert Karen Thomas says there's a “golden rule” to avoid that drama, and it is quite straightforward.
“By etiquette standards, the person who invites pays. If I invite you, I should be doing the paying,” she told LAist.
These rules may vary among family members. When parents are involved, Thomas says they are “expected” to pay, which she feels is “incorrect.”
But in the story, the author says their parents-in-law never offered to pay during the 11 months they went out to dinner. This seems to have created brewing tension that eventually came to a head that night.
“Generosity is a two-way street”
The author’s frustration was understandable, since their father-in-law’s offer came up during their birthday dinner. They were likely expecting a treat for a change.
Etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts says generosity should be “a two-way street” where one person should give every now and then, at the very least.
"It's lovely to treat someone from time to time, and equally lovely to be treated, but generosity should never be assumed or treated as an obligation,” she said.
But how can you avoid such tense situations? According to Seattle-based etiquette expert Jennifer Porter, a conversation beforehand can help.
"A smooth conversation might involve a simple, 'Hey, I'd love to plan dinner with you, but I've been feeling like I'm covering most of our get-togethers and would love to split the bill next time. Would you be up for that?'" she said.
The author’s frustration likely boiled over that night, and it unfortunately happened in public. But if they had talked beforehand, the family could’ve hashed things out more calmly and avoided the tension that followed.
Many readers sided with the author
However, some thought the situation could’ve been handled better
