If you ask anyone if dating is easy, most people would say that it's not. Just a few tend to find their "the one" on the first try, and without too much hassle. Others are stuck trying.
One of these folks is today's post's author. One day, she matched with a dude on the dating app, who called himself a feminist and got along with her pretty well. They agreed to go out, and that's when she realized that maybe they weren't such a good match as she thought they would be - even his "feminist" label started to seem off to her.
More info: Reddit
Many people could tell you - dating is not an easy game
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The story of this woman just proves it - she thought she found someone, only to get disappointed again, for a reason she hadn't encountered before
Image credits: gpointstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She matched with this guy, who called himself a feminist, and they hit it off
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
But when they met, she realized how much of the so-called "therapy speak" he uses and how he wants to analyze every single thing she says
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So, she nipped the blossoming relationship in the bud, as it made her feel beyond uncomfortable
A few weeks ago, the OP matched with a guy on a dating app, and they seemingly hit it off. As she said, “It felt refreshing.” This guy used the right language, talked about consent, asked questions, and all those kinds of things that made it pleasant to keep a conversation with him. He even called himself a feminist, which gave the woman hope.
So, they went out for a couple of dates – coffee, tacos, nothing fancy. And that’s where the perfect exterior started to crack. The minute the original poster would bring up anything that made her even slightly uncomfortable, he would turn it into a discussion panel.
For example, if she were to say she doesn’t like daily check-ins from someone she barely knows, as it makes her feel watched, he would say something along the lines of “can you unpack why you think you feel watched? Because that's not a healthy attachment response.”
And it wasn’t a one-time thing – he constantly kept turning on therapy-ish talk, which made the woman feel tense, like she was being analyzed or something. This made her realize that this didn’t start out of nowhere – it was happening from the beginning of their communication, but for some reason, it went under her radar.
Maybe it felt natural at first, but in hindsight, he was always kind of condescending, never leaving anything be, and constantly trying to “make her better.”
Well, he isn’t the only person acting like that on this Earth. In fact, in the last couple of years or so, there have been discussions that more and more people are starting to weaponize the so-called “therapy speak” or manipulation, or just for self-interest.
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It’s a phenomenon that includes labeling things in a toxic way too often or too easily. Speaking about your triggers, safe spaces, gaslighting, and all things like that. You likely heard some of them being thrown around and didn’t even realize where they came from.
They all found their way into a public dictionary due to the fact that, in order to destigmatize therapy, a lot of professionals or folks who attend it started using these words, especially online, so everyone would get used to them.
And while destigmatizing mental health help is important, when it comes to its terminology usage, it can easily become quite problematic. If people, just like the dude in the story, start using it in nearly every sentence, it starts to lose its true meaning. So, in the long run, it might further existing stigmas, as people will start viewing folks who overuse it in a negative way and might contribute to widespread misinformation about self-care.
Not to mention the fact that it can be used for the manipulation of others. Whether to guilt-trip them into doing something for you, to make them feel bad, minimize their feelings, or anything like that. That’s what netizens thought this man was doing – his progressiveness seemed performative.
Do you agree with such a stance? What would you have done in the OP’s place? We’re eager to hear you out in the comments.
Netizens agreed with her decision - for them, the dude seemed suspiciously manipulative
