Woman Explains How Ridiculous "Female Privilege" Claims Sound When You Check In With Reality

Despite gender-based violence, payment inequality, and attacks on bodily autonomy, there are still men who believe that, in general, women are just better off. And a subset of these men decide to publicly speak about this idea without doing a bare minimum amount of research.

A TikToker and feminist recently went viral after she debunked another video where a man claimed that women all benefited from what he called “female privilege.” She broke down exactly how he was wrong and gave multiple examples of how people misunderstand the concept of privilege.
Bored Panda has reached out to Kikimay612 and she was kind enough to share her thoughts.

"You know, they claim to be the more logical, rational sex, but when it comes to having conversations about sexism, misogyny, legitimate male privilege, that just seems to fly out the window."

"I have men in my comments sections for literally weeks on end because they are so pressed, they dedicate all of their free time to trolling women, to trolling me.
Trying to argue that the fact that women get half-priced drinks at bars on Thursdays is a privilege that somehow greatly disadvantages them and is equivalent to, oh, I don't know, let's say the male privilege of getting to make your own healthcare decisions. Women are literally dying of sepsis because they are being denied lifesaving abortions because men have decided that they should control what women do with their bodies and you're gonna talk to me about half-price drinks!
The amazing thing is this question of what the f**k is wrong with dudes' brains sent me down a research rabbit hole where I actually discovered that there's a body of sociological and psychological research that shows that male privilege actually negatively affects men's development as human beings. In fact, this same body of research shows that even though men will cry, you know, male discrimination or bemoan mythical female privilege, the reality is they actually don't care. It does not have any effect on their mental health and well-being. Meanwhile, when women are targeted by gender discrimination or are confronted by that and think about it, it shows a direct correlation between decreased mental health and well-being, increased stress, with decreased self-esteem."

"So they aren't. And I could just duet this video I'm about to show in part two by staring blankly ahead and not saying a thing, and women would recognize the message, which is that it is comical for men to try to argue that they somehow are disadvantaged on the same systemic level as women and that they are somehow held to higher accountability standards."

"But I'm not one for staying silent and on the off chance that even one man has enough brain tissue left to understand the argument I'm about to make, I think it's worth it."

"When we talk about male privilege, we're talking about the fact that men are advantaged on a systemic level; socially, culturally, economically, politically, and academically. This is based solely on the fact that they have a d*ck or that they are male presenting, not on the fact that they are substantively smarter or more skilled, or more deserving than women. Male privilege does not refer to a single, solitary occurrence of the use of power. It refers to structures of power that inherently disadvantage women to a substantive degree."

"Like the fact that men make more than women for doing the same jobs or the fact that r*pe is severely under-prosecuted across every single state. Or this can be more subtle in action, like the fact that men's pain is taken more seriously by doctors or the fact that men don't have to worry about being passed up for promotions because they have children or want to have children soon. Or the fact that male r*pists get painted by our media as poor boys who have lost their opportunity for a bright future. Meanwhile, the victims of their rape are ridiculed.
Female privilege, on the other hand, as men have painted is indeed a single solitary use of power when they talk about buying a girl a drink at a bar or having to pay for the dinner bill. These things are almost always relegated to this small private sphere, and they do not contribute to a pattern of measurable disadvantaging of men."

"And the funny thing is you can't recognize that the expectations that you do these things are a direct result of the patriarchal society that you continue to maintain. You want to both take advantage of these toxic ideas of masculinity and bemoan them when it suits you. So you wanna be seen as natural-born leaders who are entitled to whatever you want, but you also don't wanna be seen as leaders if it means that you have to pay for a meal.
The idea that women are privileged because they benefit from these acts of chivalry from men ignores the fact that this perpetuates the patriarchal idea that women are somehow weaker and need men's support. But it is also ignoring the fact that a lot of times, these acts of chivalry are completely unwanted. And time and time again, we see that when women reject these acts, they are raped, abused, and murdered. So let's talk about accountability and the bottom line in part three."

"...but here in my hellscape, we elected a man who has a well-documented history of outright misogyny, sexual abuse, and r*pe, including accusations of child r*pe, to be the president of the United States. Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh were appointed to the highest court in the land despite having similarly spectacular histories. And that is not to mention that I bet every favorite male actor of yours, and every favorite NFL player of yours is a poster boy for domestic violence."

"In fact, the research shows that y'all know you have the privilege. We are no longer talking about the idea of an invisible knapsack of privilege where you don't recognize all the ways that you oppress women. No, we are talking about how you willfully reframe it and ignore it so that you can continue to benefit from it. This research shows that you see your privilege as an individual personal achievement, or you see it as a direct result of having a male body, and that is the most toxically gendered, neoliberal bulls**t I have ever f**king heard."

"That doesn't mean that male privilege and women's resulting oppression does not exist. And I'll very gladly continue to drink those free drinks you very stupidly give me because I need liquor to deal with this constant nonsense day in and day out. Please get f**ked."

Bored Panda got in touch with kikimay612 and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions. First, we wanted to know why the idea of privilege is so misunderstood. "I think when we talk about any group being privileged over another, there is an initial natural human response to become a bit defensive. People don’t want to be associated with a group that’s perpetrating something negative – like racism or sexism – and they want to say something to prove their innocence, so to speak. In the U.S., people also really take pride in individual achievement, and the idea that some sort of privilege may have played a role in the education they received or the job they have can be hard to reconcile with the very American idea that the key to success is just about personally working really hard."

"When it comes to male privilege, specifically, most men don’t have a lived experience where they feel the impact of systemic inequality day-in and day-out. When nearly all the spaces you move through have been designed with you in mind, it’s natural that you wouldn’t immediately notice all the challenges they can pose to other people – you don’t need to. But if I’m a woman walking into a boardroom full of men, I’m immediately keenly aware of the imbalance of power. I feel the stress of wanting to show up well on behalf of all women who didn’t make it to the room. I am doing all sorts of calculations on how to look and behave in order to be both liked and taken seriously. Men don’t have to do any of these mental and sociocultural gymnastics – they just open their mouths and are listened to. And it’s important to note that because men don’t have to deal with the effects of systemic inequality on a daily basis, they also haven’t had to learn the facts regarding misogyny, sexism, and gender bias – from how they manifest to the ways in which they’re rooted in patriarchal culture. They often think women just exaggerate the size of the problem and are reading into innocent comments or behaviors as sexist, even in the face of overwhelming social science research that demonstrates just how widespread and dangerous these issues are."

We also wanted to hear about her experiences with how people have reacted to these ideas. "“Unsurprisingly, about 90% of my followers are women. Women come across my content and immediately feel seen and heard. They chime in with their own experiences or just comment in support (“Preach! “100%!” “Go off queen!” That sort of thing..) Even if men aren’t learning a single thing from my videos, I think they’re useful for women and myself because they create a space where we can all sort of collectively scream into the void. Being a woman in the world, and especially a feminist on the internet, is EXHAUSTING. We need a release. Some women and allies also love to bookmark my videos so they have talking points ready for when they encounter trolls online or IRL.”

“As for the men that interact with my content, most of it is the same uncreative commentary they’ve been offering for, well…forever. They’ll try to dismiss or detract from my message by saying, “What about men? What about this non-systemic totally inequivalent issue men sometimes face that’s actually the result of the patriarchy and not feminists, but we’ll be mad at feminists for it anyway?” Or they’ll just resort to tired ad-hominem attacks, like calling me a feminazi (which has the one-two punch of being both sexist and antisemitic) or saying things like, “this is why we should repeal the 19 th amendment,” or “this is why you don’t deserve equal pay.” I wish I could say I’m surprised or phased whatsoever by their feedback, but it’s really just an old hat at this point. I’ve been studying, researching, publishing, and speaking out on women’s issues for decades. What I’ve found is that many men will do anything they can to continue to preserve the balance of power in their favor. Because they’ve been the benefactors of unearned privilege their whole lives, women fighting for a level playing field ultimately means they’ll need to cede space to more of us, and this is a scary reality for them. Combine that with a more recent push to embrace the ideals of toxic masculinity that repel women looking for emotionally mature partners (think the stuff peddled by Andrew Tate) and you have a group of young men who are feeling increasingly insecure and irrelevant, and looking to lash out. Feminist content on the internet gives them an outlet to anonymously vent their frustration without fear of any real-life consequences.”

“Feminists are not the enemy, and the patriarchy hurts us all. When men rush to level various whataboutisms at women who bring up male privilege, they are missing the fact that the issues they raise are not the result of mythical female privilege or a feminist vendetta against men, but rather, the result of living in a patriarchal society that promotes norms of masculinity that are harmful to men in a myriad of ways. If they want to see lower suicide and incarceration rates among men, or they want to have more success sustaining meaningful relationships with women, they’d do themselves a favor by joining in on the moment to dismantle the patriarchy for good,” she shared with Bored Panda.

Kiki has a dual Bachelor of Arts degree in Media & Communication and Political Science, and a Master of Arts degree in Communication, where her work centered on the intersection of gender and power and explored representations of female leaders in cable news programming. Her research has been featured by the Association for Education in Journalism and Mass Communication and her writing been published in various print and online mediums, including Men’s Journal, believe it or not! She hopes to be able to become a full-time feminist content creator and writer so she can share her real name in the social media space soon. Until then, she’s operating under the watchful eye of the man, so you can find her posting on TikTok and Instagram @kikimay612.

As mentioned in the video above, privilege is not a solitary advantage. A person who happens to be stronger than another is not benefiting from “strength privilege,” unless they live in a society that really does discriminate by physical power. The video being debunked lists a number of somewhat niche “advantages” that women receive. These involve sometimes getting free drinks, though they aren’t quite free, they come with the assumption that the man has now “bought” some time with the woman. Since the man pays the bartender, the woman doesn’t really get a say in the matter. Even if we stick to this primitive and limited “advantage,” this often is just a way that predators attempt to drug their victims. About one-third of all sexual assault cases involve “date rape drugs,” administered to unsuspecting victims. In other words, getting possibly drugged drinks “for free” is not the advantage some men make it out to be.

More importantly, this doesn’t even fit as an element of privilege. Women not at the bars frequented by these men don’t “benefit” from free drinks or meals. Instead, the concept refers to larger-scale structures. Businesses are more likely to hire men due to ingrained, structural beliefs that they are better workers (with little evidence to support it) and carry a lower “risk” to the company, as, managers believe, they won’t need to go on maternity leave. At scale, this creates fewer opportunities for women which in turn perpetuates the idea that men are better workers, since there are, to the eyes of these hypothetical managers, more of them in the workplace. Even worse, women also suffer from being paid less to do the same job, at about 32% lower wages compared to men in the US alone.

The idea of male privilege often draws the ire of men who refuse to accept that some things are simply easier for them. Instead, it would be worth examining the reality that there are downsides to male privilege. Not all men benefit equally, as those who differ from established norms might be ostracized or not classified as “men.” In nations like India and China, male privilege leads to disproportionate demographics, where selective abortions mean that many families keep boys and abort girls. The result is that thousands of men may not be able to find a partner in the future because there simply are not enough girls.

The men that gain the least benefit from male privilege tend to suffer at the hands of privileged males. This often manifests as bullying and domestic violence, but the abused males tend to be blind to what actually caused their misery. Instead of targeting the toxic masculinity and competitive structures imposed on them by patriarchal norms, they “shoot the messenger” and lash out at, predominantly, the women who try to explain privilege and all it entails.