I have been involved with a woman for the past 5 years. All of her family are druggies, alcoholics and ex-convicts, with a few pedophiles in the mix. They are verbally abusive and very opinionated. They have a disdain for me even though I have never done any of them any wrong. They're constantly plotting, planning and scheming to undermine my relationship. I have done my best to try to maintain my composure while going through a constant barrage of behind the back insults, name calling and many other things that no one would appreciate. I have supported and try to make the best decisions that I possibly could given the circumstances. So why is it that some people can't stand to see others happy, things are hard enough. Meddling family always having something to say, but never offering positive solutions. Judgements and plan old evil, wanting to drag others down. Constructive criticism is fine, but scheming, plotting and obsoletely unnecessary trash talk gets old. Eventually enough is enough, make a decision, make a choice. Live and let live or move on. Plain and simple, nobody wants or needs the ghetto drama. All of you who have never had any decent intentions for anyone else would be better off minding your own. Your time is better used to create something good than always trying to destroy things for someone you don't even really know. I believe that they feel the way they do about me because I don't drink, I don't drug and I don't cheat. Which apparently they all do. I am at my wits end and just want to bail from the relationship. She argues and fights with me and tells me they just don't like you, doesn't really defend me much. What does everyone else think about this?
#1
I guess my question is - do you love her?
It’s true that you have to deal with her family to some degree, but if you’re serious you’ll be living with her and spending most of your time with her. It’s about her and your relationship with her, not her family. You can talk with her about hey I would rather not go hang out with your family and why, but I imagine she already knows how you feel. If she doesn’t, you need to talk to her about it. Communication with your significant other is crucial in the little things, but also for big things like this.
It sounds like her family is toxic - with manipulation and gaslighting and narcissistic behaviors. Perhaps it is true that she could (to some degree) defend you to her family when these behaviors from her family happen, however; imagine how she feels in this situation.
She is in the middle, torn between wanting to love and be loved by her family and also wanting to love and be loved by you. She has been exposed to this her whole life. She may feel she is better off not trying to defend you because she knows her family won’t change or it may “make things worse” as the saying goes.
Again, you really need to talk to her. You cannot “rescue” her from the situation, but you can be with her through it - if you want to. If you decide you can do so with your mental health intact. So, have a really hard awkward difficult conversation with her about how you feel before you make your decision.
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