How To Ruin Your Entire Life: 33 Heartbreaking And Sobering Stories Of Wrecked Lives

It’s important to note that we share these threads not to poke fun at others. Whatever you might think of these people’s decisions, the truth of the matter is that we all make mistakes. They’re built into the human condition. And it’s actually good to acknowledge them.

According to licensed psychologist Jonice Webb, Ph.D., mistakes have value; they are a way to improve yourself.

“Most people do not talk about their small, daily mistakes openly,” Webb says. “Partly because they are uninteresting, but also because they don’t want to expose what they feel are their personal failings.”

“This is all well and good except that we are all left to believe that we are alone in our ‘mistake bubble.’ Our lack of knowledge about others’ mistakes makes us feel we make more than everyone else.”

As a psychologist, Webb has seen that people who do not actively notice, process, and manage their own feelings are far more vulnerable to harsh self-judgments.

That’s because mistakes and errors always engender emotions, and unexamined feelings are far more powerful than those that have been noticed, named, and actively managed.

So if you are someone who, for example, grew up with your parents under-responding to your feelings, you have likely continued this your whole adult life. And your unprocessed feelings are probably giving your mistakes much more power to harm you than they should ever have.

Okay, so just talking about mistakes in general makes us notice our own more. Then what?

After seeing lots of emotionally neglected people beat themselves up, try to hide their mistakes, and suffer for no reason, Webb came up with the idea of compassionate responsibility. It helps people deal with their screw-ups better using a simple three-step process:

Own your mistake. Say to yourself, “I made a mistake. I’m human. I will take responsibility for it, and I’ll work my way through this.” Then check in with your feelings. Name what you’re feeling.

Be kind to yourself. Think about how this mistake happened. What part was your fault? What things made your part happen? What part was out of your control? Can you take control of that part next time?

Learn from it. This step is super important because learning from the mistake is what lets you actually move on. Ask yourself: What did this mistake teach me? How can I do better next time?

And finally, it’s time to move on.