Our brain takes shortcuts to save time and effort, but that, in turn, hinders our judgment. Even when better options exist, we might default to what feels easy, familiar, or immediate instead of what is rational and beneficial in the long term. Sadly, we do this in high-stakes situations, too.
Recently, Reddit user Extension-Try-3531 asked people on the internet to share the quickest way they’ve seen someone wreck their life, and, hopefully, these cautionary stories will remind you that, oftentimes, it’s best to blame either yourself or no one at all.
#1
My ex husband. Left me with the kids cause I got disabled, plunged himself into debt, did a bunch of other really stupid stuff. Now depressed and only thinks of himself. Total pity party. All within a year of him leaving.
I want to feel bad for him but he did this to himself. It wasn't necessary at all. He also barely sees our kids. Maybe bc it reminds him of what he threw away.
Meanwhile I managed to make us thrive somehow.
I want to feel bad for him but he did this to himself. It wasn't necessary at all. He also barely sees our kids. Maybe bc it reminds him of what he threw away.
Meanwhile I managed to make us thrive somehow.
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63points
#2
Star football player I went to highschool with who was offered a full college scholarship got 3 girls pregnant at more or less the same time during senior year. He had to go work at his dad's lawn mowing business instead of going to college & possibly the NFL...
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51points
It’s important to note that we share these threads not to poke fun at others. Whatever you might think of these people’s decisions, the truth of the matter is that we all make mistakes. They’re built into the human condition. And it’s actually good to acknowledge them.
According to licensed psychologist Jonice Webb, Ph.D., mistakes have value; they are a way to improve yourself.
“Most people do not talk about their small, daily mistakes openly,” Webb says. “Partly because they are uninteresting, but also because they don’t want to expose what they feel are their personal failings.”
“This is all well and good except that we are all left to believe that we are alone in our ‘mistake bubble.’ Our lack of knowledge about others’ mistakes makes us feel we make more than everyone else.”
#3
In Spain I knew a 17 year old kid that as a laugh threw a cinder block from a bridge over a motorway, it hit a car and that car crushed into a police car....2 people died he was caught and given 15 years in jail....
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49points
#4
When I was in high school there was a kid who was extremely smart, did very well, and had his whole life in front of him.
This was senior year and he had already gotten an acceptance to northeastern I think it was or some other decent School with a very good scholarship, this was in the early 90s.
Anyways there was a big fight at school one day and him and I were sitting there watching the whole thing wrap up, and the police started coming up. this was in South Florida at a majority white school in a poor area.
The cops walked up and stopped right next to where we were standing and one of the officers looked at the kid and said something along the lines of, this looks like the kind of trouble you would start, you n word.
He said something like, what the hell and shoved the cop who tripped and fell and hit his head on a concrete bench and got knocked out.
The other cop wasn't watching the whole thing that happened and immediately turned and grabbed the kid and shoved him on the ground and put them in handcuffs, and from there it was an arrest for assaulting a police officer, a felony conviction even though he was a straight A student with no problems in the past, but his brother was a dealer and they used that as evidence that he was a bad kid.
He wound up getting 28 years and that was that. I googled him recently and his 28 years got extended to a life sentence for ending another inmate in a fight. so that was really that.
This was senior year and he had already gotten an acceptance to northeastern I think it was or some other decent School with a very good scholarship, this was in the early 90s.
Anyways there was a big fight at school one day and him and I were sitting there watching the whole thing wrap up, and the police started coming up. this was in South Florida at a majority white school in a poor area.
The cops walked up and stopped right next to where we were standing and one of the officers looked at the kid and said something along the lines of, this looks like the kind of trouble you would start, you n word.
He said something like, what the hell and shoved the cop who tripped and fell and hit his head on a concrete bench and got knocked out.
The other cop wasn't watching the whole thing that happened and immediately turned and grabbed the kid and shoved him on the ground and put them in handcuffs, and from there it was an arrest for assaulting a police officer, a felony conviction even though he was a straight A student with no problems in the past, but his brother was a dealer and they used that as evidence that he was a bad kid.
He wound up getting 28 years and that was that. I googled him recently and his 28 years got extended to a life sentence for ending another inmate in a fight. so that was really that.
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42points
#5
A close relative: She had three kids taken by the state. Saw her monthly welfare income and food stamps go drastically down and decided to have two more kids. The state took those kids as well. She's pregnant again right now. None of the kids have the same father.
She's 25.
She's 25.
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40points
As a psychologist, Webb has seen that people who do not actively notice, process, and manage their own feelings are far more vulnerable to harsh self-judgments.
That’s because mistakes and errors always engender emotions, and unexamined feelings are far more powerful than those that have been noticed, named, and actively managed.
So if you are someone who, for example, grew up with your parents under-responding to your feelings, you have likely continued this your whole adult life. And your unprocessed feelings are probably giving your mistakes much more power to harm you than they should ever have.
#6
My ex.
His grandpa had a big account for him (idk, trust fund, stock portfolio, I never got details) tied to stocks. Ex was given control of the money when he turned 18. In 2007 this account had the equivalent value of $140k.
Then the crash happened. My ex panicked and pulled out the money. After devaluation, taxes, and early yanking fees, he got 42k.
He spent it in 6 months on trading cards, video games and consoles, big outings for friends, and fancy restaurants.
Moron.
His grandpa had a big account for him (idk, trust fund, stock portfolio, I never got details) tied to stocks. Ex was given control of the money when he turned 18. In 2007 this account had the equivalent value of $140k.
Then the crash happened. My ex panicked and pulled out the money. After devaluation, taxes, and early yanking fees, he got 42k.
He spent it in 6 months on trading cards, video games and consoles, big outings for friends, and fancy restaurants.
Moron.
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37points
#7
I used to be a store manager for a national repair and tire shop. Every year they would fly all the managers down to Florida for a big convention. They spared no expense. Luxury hotel, open bar, gift bags with designer things in it, celebrities, recording artists on stage, prizes money etc etc. So it’s basically a huge party for us. They do a big award ceremony giving out trophies and bonuses with the night culminating with the award for the top store manager. They call some guys name up on stage give him a big trophy, a $50,000 bonus check and tickets for a two week cruise. Needless to say he is on top of the world and proceeds to hit the open bar pretty heavy for the rest of the night. Gets obliterated , does a swan dive into the lobby fountain . Police come, he starts a fight with the cops, gets arrested, loses his job, his bonus and his cruise. Wife refuses to bail him out. When he does eventually return home, the house is empty and his wife is gone.
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34points
#8
I work at a hospital.
Recently we had two cases of self directed harm that ended up badly: one was an old dude that used a weapon upwards and missed the head so he is disfigured and likely blind... And alive.
Another one was a case of domestic a***e and jumped... She lived as there was no significant trauma to the head.... The same cannot be said about her chest, hip and spine.
Another case, different though, a father carried his child in the back of his pickup truck and apparently was not going slow because he took a turn and the kid went flying. Exposed fracture on the leg and severe head traum, bleeding from his ears too (not sure if that's relevant, not a doctor). He is in a coma and the prognosis is unclear (afaik . Hospital hearsay)
Another similar case not that long ago a young las (I knew her, though in passing) fought with her parents and instead of waiting to get her bike, she went with her bf in his. The dude sped up and did a wheelie I think? She fell and was crushed by a bus, and the dude I'm not sure can be prosecuted in full weight because he was a minor but still
I see people ruining their lives every day to be honest, I work in the ER...
Recently we had two cases of self directed harm that ended up badly: one was an old dude that used a weapon upwards and missed the head so he is disfigured and likely blind... And alive.
Another one was a case of domestic a***e and jumped... She lived as there was no significant trauma to the head.... The same cannot be said about her chest, hip and spine.
Another case, different though, a father carried his child in the back of his pickup truck and apparently was not going slow because he took a turn and the kid went flying. Exposed fracture on the leg and severe head traum, bleeding from his ears too (not sure if that's relevant, not a doctor). He is in a coma and the prognosis is unclear (afaik . Hospital hearsay)
Another similar case not that long ago a young las (I knew her, though in passing) fought with her parents and instead of waiting to get her bike, she went with her bf in his. The dude sped up and did a wheelie I think? She fell and was crushed by a bus, and the dude I'm not sure can be prosecuted in full weight because he was a minor but still
I see people ruining their lives every day to be honest, I work in the ER...
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31points
Okay, so just talking about mistakes in general makes us notice our own more. Then what?
After seeing lots of emotionally neglected people beat themselves up, try to hide their mistakes, and suffer for no reason, Webb came up with the idea of compassionate responsibility. It helps people deal with their screw-ups better using a simple three-step process:
Own your mistake. Say to yourself, “I made a mistake. I’m human. I will take responsibility for it, and I’ll work my way through this.” Then check in with your feelings. Name what you’re feeling.
Be kind to yourself. Think about how this mistake happened. What part was your fault? What things made your part happen? What part was out of your control? Can you take control of that part next time?
Learn from it. This step is super important because learning from the mistake is what lets you actually move on. Ask yourself: What did this mistake teach me? How can I do better next time?
And finally, it’s time to move on.
#9
My ex wife chose her m**h dealing boyfriend over her family. she had bought a trailer home with her inheritance from her aunt, had a good job, had the kids in activities. she actually did a really good job.
one day she just dropped the kids off at her aunts and never came back. later ended up in jail and lost the trailer. im not sure where she is these days. she does call once in a blue moon.
i always wanted full custody of the kids but honestly, not like this.
one day she just dropped the kids off at her aunts and never came back. later ended up in jail and lost the trailer. im not sure where she is these days. she does call once in a blue moon.
i always wanted full custody of the kids but honestly, not like this.
30points
#10
Guy I was at medical school with. He was in the last year of medical school when he decided it would be a good idea to ask for the number of a 17 year old female patient "for work" and then used it to text her to ask her out along with some other inappropriate stuff (apparently, I'm not sure). She told her mum, who told the hospital who told the medical school. He was immediately suspended and very soon after kicked out of medical school and didn't graduate.
Years of wasted work and 36k or so tuition fees down the drain and will have to explain to every potential employer in the future what he was doing from age 18 to 22 with nothing to show for it.
Years of wasted work and 36k or so tuition fees down the drain and will have to explain to every potential employer in the future what he was doing from age 18 to 22 with nothing to show for it.
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27points
#11
Drunk driving. They hit a disabled vehicle on the side of the road and k****d its occupant. They spent 5 years in jail for this.
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27points
#12
A guy at work threatened to beat up his supervisor, who was a woman, for pointing out a legitimate mistake. He was fired immediately and couldn’t find another job after that. Last I heard he had to move back in with his parents and he’s 39. Supervisor could have pressed charges too, but decided not to.
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26points
#13
Dean of Students at a large and well known university was fired after he stole a pumpkin from Walmart. That might not have been the fastest but easily the dumbest.
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25points
#14
My old camp counselor got a job as a music teacher at an elementary school. But it was recently discovered that he had secret cameras hidden in the boys bathroom. And was distributing the videos online. He had five years of footage.
He just got sentenced to 15 years in prison.
He just got sentenced to 15 years in prison.
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25points
#15
Guy from my graduating class who'd won state wrestling championships got a job as wrestling coach and was substitute teaching in our hometown. Was all set to get a full-time job as a teacher when it came out that he'd had inappropriate relationships with at least 3 girls on the wrestling team.
And he was probably the most handsome guy in our graduating class of 500. He'd even done some modeling after high school. Very personable, easily could have dated women our age. There was no need for him to prey on minors.
And he was probably the most handsome guy in our graduating class of 500. He'd even done some modeling after high school. Very personable, easily could have dated women our age. There was no need for him to prey on minors.
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24points
#16
All those people posting on TikTok. I don't know what's going on in the nursing profession but we've had about five announce they're going to hurt people they don't agree with politically. And at least one clinic that got caught starving dogs for the same reason.
I don't know if it's the age or if people with a certain political leaning hang out on TikTok or what. But saying you're going to do something awful on TikTok doesn't absolve you of doing it. You know what I mean? It just makes more people know about it.
I believe all the above mention at least lost their jobs. Some may have lost their license. But it's scary when someone you have to go to for medical care wants to do harm to others.
I don't know if it's the age or if people with a certain political leaning hang out on TikTok or what. But saying you're going to do something awful on TikTok doesn't absolve you of doing it. You know what I mean? It just makes more people know about it.
I believe all the above mention at least lost their jobs. Some may have lost their license. But it's scary when someone you have to go to for medical care wants to do harm to others.
23points
#17
My nephew, got into "soft" d***s at the tender age of 17. He wasnt even 18 yet and was doing hard opioids and just about anything that crossed his path. He dropped out of school, went into hermit mode or just dissapeared for weeks, by the time he was 19 he was so sick and ill that he was put into a mental hospital and died shortly after.
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22points
#19
About 6 months. I was casually seeing this guy and he broke it off, no big deal. He started seeing someone else shortly after and got very serious with her very quickly.
In 6 months he went from having an *incredibly* well paid job as a skilled welder, living with his dad in a big 4 bed house, completely carefree and loads of friends to quitting his job, living in a 1 bed flat with his fiancè who was pregnant. He quit his job at her insistence to help her round the house. His family and friends raised concerns so he just cut them all off. Last I heard of him he was on a local buy and sell page trying to offload half a tin of paint for £5.
In 6 months he went from having an *incredibly* well paid job as a skilled welder, living with his dad in a big 4 bed house, completely carefree and loads of friends to quitting his job, living in a 1 bed flat with his fiancè who was pregnant. He quit his job at her insistence to help her round the house. His family and friends raised concerns so he just cut them all off. Last I heard of him he was on a local buy and sell page trying to offload half a tin of paint for £5.
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20points
#20
There was a full professor at my school. He was making over six figures. His wife made about the same as him. They had a couple kids.
One day, he posts on social media that he's climbing a mountain in Nepal. Within a month, he's divorcing his wife, couch surfing, and soon after that he is banned from campus (I don't know why), and within a year was found dead of a d**g o******e in a park.
One day, he posts on social media that he's climbing a mountain in Nepal. Within a month, he's divorcing his wife, couch surfing, and soon after that he is banned from campus (I don't know why), and within a year was found dead of a d**g o******e in a park.
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18points