People Are Sharing 40 Family Secrets They Were Told Only When They Became Adults

Personally, I’m an ‘honesty is the best policy’ kind of guy, but even I have my limits. I’m realistic about the fact that you physically can’t share every single detail of your life, family history, and dark corner of your mind with your loved ones (nor should you, as this fantastic article on Aeon explains). Having some privacy is important. However, I also feel like showing your vulnerabilities and the inner workings of your mind can actually strengthen your relationship with your relatives, your friends, your partner. After all, if someone were to trust you with a secret about themselves, you’d feel honored to be the one they tell it to, right?

Relationship coach Alex told Bored Panda that transparency is incredibly important in both romantic relationships, as well as those with your relatives. And if we're ever having doubts about whether or not to share something with our loved ones, we should try and imagine ourselves in their position.

"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," she said, noting that we have to consider whether a piece of information directly impacts the people we care about.

"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place."

Alex shared with Bored Panda that rebuilding trust in a relationship is "always a challenge" once it has been broken. "For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."

Meanwhile, the author of the thread, Skadarski, told Bored Panda that the inspiration to create the thread came to them out of nowhere and that they didn't think that the question would get as much attention as it did.

"It was kind of what some people call a shower thought: 'What if I'm adopted? What if I was exchanged at birth? What if I have a lost sibling somewhere out in the world? What if my family has been hiding some weird stuff from me?' To be honest, we have all wondered about these questions at some point in our lives, and for the vast majority of us, family secrets are no more than innocent, basic stuff. I've stumbled quite often on stories telling about a mindboggling search for a lost brother or whatnot, so the idea for the thread came to me without much difficulty," they shared with Bored Panda why their thread was relatable to so many people out there.

In Skadarski's opinion, parents keep some things secret in order to not traumatize their kids. When they're older, they're more mature and can absorb some information in stride, without letting it break them.

"I've tried to read most of the answers to the original post; there is some outright creepy stuff down there. I remember one user who wrote that their mom accidentally put their cat in the washing machine when they were a kid. The cat died, but the user did not learn about this until their adulthood, believing until then that their cat ran away," the redditor gave us one particular example.

"I can see why not telling a kid that their cat was drowned in the washing machine is a reasonable decision. Honesty is the best policy but not always. Some things should better be hidden until the child is old enough to figure enough for himself, or when he is grown up, so he can digest the news calmly."

Redditor Skadarski also believes that certain secrets should be buried forever. Bringing them to light would only cause harm and suffering. "If it's a fairly traumatizing event (family death, pet death, etc.) it is better for it to be kept hidden. Lots of parents don't fully tell to their kids what their life was before they met their future mom/dad. I think the moment we decide to keep something a secret is quite arbitrary and varies with each family."

They added: "Most of the time though, it if is serious enough to damage the family ties, better keep your mouth shut."

It’s difficult to gauge how much we should be sharing with our family members when every case seems unique. And let’s not forget how awkward and embarrassed we might feel talking about sensitive issues or (un)pleasant experiences. Getting past that is no easy feat and requires quite a bit of tussling within yourself to quiet down your ego for the sake of the entire family.

Keeping secrets locked up deep inside of you can harm you and your loved ones, PsychCentral explains. For instance, keeping secrets from your partner can lead to a breakdown in communication in a relationship or marriage. Then, by extension, any children you have might suffer as a result as the bond between both parents weakens (and possibly even breaks).