But why do these embarrassing memories stick out to us so much? Why do we even remember them so vividly? Well, technically, we don’t really know that. Scientists do have their theories, though.
For example, Lia Kvavilashvili, a psychology researcher at the University of Hertfordshire who studies this phenomenon, that she dubbed “mind pops,” has a few ideas why it happens. One is that these embarrassing memories might be triggered by something in your environment. That is, you might see an item of clothing that reminds you of the time you embarrassed yourself by spilling wine all over yourself.
But what about the times you’re just lying in bed and your brain slaps you with a wet rag of past embarrassments? Well, that might be explained by Kvavilashvili’s other theory: the brain likes to play unresolved situations on loop.
See, oftentimes, at the moment when the embarrassment is happening, it feels like you’ve been caught and things were taken out of context. In a way, you think if people knew more about it, if you had had a chance to explain yourself, things wouldn’t look that bad. Scientists believe that interruptions like this one make you hold onto the memory for longer.
However, neurobiologist James McGaugh believes it is all physiological. In the moment of embarrassment, you get excited and adrenaline rushes to your brain making the amygdala light up. The amygdala, in turn, persuades the rest of your brain that this moment is worth storing in the memory archives because you felt a lot during it.
So, if this is all in the brain and there’s no way of stopping it from happening, is there a way to deal with it that would make you feel less perturbed when awful memories pop up? Well, of course, there is. And it’s not suppressing the memory or denying it ever happened. Melissa Dahl, the author of the book Cringeworthy: A Theory Of Awkwardness, suggests practicing humility.
Unlike what you might think, humility is not about undervaluing yourself and your work. It is recognizing yourself for who you are and knowing that you are not a big deal. The world doesn’t revolve around you, you are just a small part of it.
So, when something embarrassing happens, instead of thinking “Oh, how silly am I,” you should consider the fact that everyone experiences facepalm moments. You’re not alone in your embarrassment, it’s a universal feeling.
You can also see it from the perspective of growth. If you look back at something you did a few years back and think the way you acted was awkward, notice that you’ve gained perspective. The fact that you can recognize your behavior was odd shows that you’ve grown and you will avoid acting that way again.
