#1
It’s quite normal to fear death. Many people do. Surveys show the main reasons people are scared dying are fear of leaving loved ones behind and the actual process of death itself.
For some, it’s a mild fear or worry but for others, it’s extreme and there’s a name for it. Thanatophobia. Also known as death anxiety. It’s estimated up to 10% of people have thanatophobia. And psychologists say you’re more likely to develop it if you’ve had a near-death experience, you have PTSD, an anxiety disorder, if you’re terminally ill or have a serious illness.
If you are scared to death of dying, and suspect you might have thanatophobia, Cleveland Clinic suggests the following, “If a fear of death affects your ability to function at school, work or in social situations, seek treatment from a healthcare provider. You may benefit from psychotherapy, which helps you talk through your fear and anxiety.”
#2
Sean O’Connor has made dealing with death his life’s mission. He’s the host and producer of the podcast How To Die. He’s also a death coach, doula, an end-of-life companion and a soul carer. He kindly agreed to chat to us in an exclusive interview.
And while some might consider his work morbid, he doesn’t. He has a wicked sense of humor. Hopefully, what he had to say will help put some of your fears about death to rest.
#3
#4
Lord_Teutonic:
Man i miss him steve. he died as he lived; with animals in his heart.
I began by asking O'Connor why death? “Obviously, the money,” he joked. Before continuing, “No seriously, it was more of a calling for me. I felt like I wanted to be as ready as possible should I be needed one day. Plus a long shadow of mortality in my family growing up, and the violent society we live in.”
He said he used to host Death Cafes regularly. One thing led to another. Before he knew it, he was doing courses, and then joining a community of soul carers. But what exactly do soul carers, death doulas, and death coaches do?
“I've just spent an hour reading to someone who is paralyzed from a stroke,” he told me. “With others, we might imagine what happens after we close our eyes for the last time. And prepare for that, emotionally. We might use some visualization. I often have to reassure people that it's ok for them to let go, that they have had a good life and done well and that their children will be ok without them, that their work is done. I hesitate to 'tell' people anything though, except reassert what they have told me.”
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#7
Since you’re scrolling through a list of completely rare - and sudden - ways to die, it’s only natural you might want to know whether it’s at all possible to prepare for an unexpected death. I asked. On behalf of a friend…
“Well, yes, you can definitely prepare for a sudden death by always wearing your best knickers in case you have to take an unexpected ambulance ride - it's not as if you were planning to, after all. One day will be your last. Is it today? Tomorrow? None of us know. The Grim Reaper's receptionist isn't calling to let you know you can be squeezed in next Tuesday at 10am. So be prepared!” quipped O’Connor.
“But for those left behind, we can get rid of our old sex toys and bad poetry, our diaries and journals and broken furniture, chuck away all the things we don't need - tidy up, which makes the impact of our death less onerous for others, and the grieving process easier. After all, we won't be here, what do we care - but we can do this for our loved ones.”
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On the topic of ditching things, O’Connor said it’s important to remember we live in a digital era. “Have a place where you store your passwords - your digital death can be very messy otherwise. It gives people access to funds to buy the spirits you'll have served at your wake, if you're Irish,” he said, only half-joking this time.
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#13
As you might have noticed, this death expert likes to joke. But as I expected, he admitted his work is not always easy. “When people experience existential dread and are afraid to close their eyes for the last time in case they never open them again... it's hard. As I said earlier - I come with no answers, just a gentle listening presence.”
“I try to remember that we were designed to die. It's natural,” he added. “The over medicalisation of death however has hidden it from us.”
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#15
The_Town_of_Canada:
Lost my Dad to this.
My Mom died Mother’s Day 2020.
My dad, who never had health issues, was dead within a year. Just completely lost his will to live.
#16
While it’s highly unlikely you’ll meet your maker in any of the ways discussed here, the fact of the matter is that we are all going to die.
And on that note, O’Connor had these parting words: “No-one has been beyond the veil to tell us what happens on the other side. All we can do is approach that moment with love and awe, even curiosity. Maybe even gratitude. For it would be awful, and awfully boring, if we lived forever.”
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