Birthday celebrations are different in various parts of the world. In some parts, the person who celebrates their birthday treats their friends and family to dinner and in others, they are the ones getting treated and pampered.
But in this person’s family, it seems that they haven’t made up their minds, because up until their 18th birthday, they always went to Applebee’s for dinner and paid for everything, but this time the parents wanted the 18-year-old to pay for the meal themselves out of nowhere.
More info: Reddit
There comes a time when you start paying for yourself, but it's usually not sudden and definitely not on your birthday
Image credits: Mike Mozart (not the actual image)
Like it happened to this unemployed 18-year-old whose parents wanted them to have a separate bill for their birthday dinner
Image credits: Kevin Curtis (not the actual image)
Image credits: Jessie McCall (not the actual image)
Image credits: [deleted]
The celebrator didn't see this coming and they blamed their autism spectrum disorder for not picking up cues of the changes starting
The author of the post wrote it just a day after their 18th birthday when they were truly hurt by their family. The Original Poster (OP) would go to Applebee’s every year and get the same steak and shrimp Parmesan with a side of loaded mashed potatoes, and cheesy steamed broccoli with a side of mozzarella sticks.
It was a bit expensive, but their parents would treat them for their birthday and they liked having the same thing because they have extreme OCD and high functioning autism, so routine helps them regulate.
But the celebration of their 18th birthday was not as fun as they remembered, because their mom asked the waiter to have a separate bill for the celebrator, which was completely unexpected because the OP didn’t really have a job apart from raking neighbors’ leaves and they never picked up on any cues that they were supposed to have one.
So the OP just sat there without dinner while the rest of the family ate, including their 23-year-old half-brother, because their mom paid for his meal. And the 18-year-old didn’t see anything wrong with it because it has happened before as they are a picky eater.
Redditors immediately started looking for reasons for this sudden change in behavior. After finding out that the stepfather has been in the OP’s life for 3 years, they guessed that this situation was his initiative.
On top of that, redditors also found out that the OP’s mom was getting social security because of them and 6 months before their 18th birthday, it stopped, because the OP didn’t want her guardianship as they were deemed to be fit to take care of themselves on their own.
For these reasons, the readers had a pretty negative impression of the parents. In an edit, the OP explained that they might have not read the room because they are very bad at reading social cues and they guess it’s their parents’ way to teach them independence and responsibility. The OP still loves their parents and acknowledges that they were a difficult child.
People truly understood why the OP would defend their parents, but they also raised a valid point that people on the autism spectrum often blame themselves for awkward social situations because they are aware they’re not the best at picking up the cues, but it’s not necessarily them who are the problem and in this case they believe the parents were being unfair.
Another important aspect to note is that the mom has been raising her child for 18 years, so if she wanted her child to know that something’s changed in their relationship, she of all people should know that the way to do it is not vague hints.
Image credits: Reginaldo Lustosa (not the actual image)
The OP thought that the biggest contributor to their confusion is that they are on the autism spectrum. They mentioned that they have high-functioning autism, which means they can “speak, read, write, and handle basic life skills like eating and getting dressed. They can live independently.”
The term is not an official medical diagnosis and the disorder is already called autism spectrum (ASD) disorder, because everyone has a varying level of it, so it is often viewed as inaccurate and also inappropriate.
Very Well Mind says that “Research suggests the term does not accurately reflect the challenges that autistic people deal with in their daily lives. This can lead to unrealistic expectations about people's social, academic, occupational, and self-care abilities.”
They explain that what people colloquially call “high-functioning” could typically have level 1 of ASD, which in the official spectrum means that a person requires some support. Level 2 requires substantial support and level 3 requires very substantial support.
If a person has level 1 autism, which is what assumingly the OP has, they “might have difficulty initiating interactions or relationships or might have lower than average interest in these interactions” and “inflexible routines might cause interfering with functioning, and individuals might struggle with transitions, organization, and planning.”
Psych Central says that “A common symptom of high-functioning autism is having trouble interacting with one’s peers” and they are often seen as socially awkward. They might get frustrated by normal life experiences more than others and they tend to react more sensitively to physical sensations, including loud noises, uncomfortable clothing, touching, smells and tastes. Also, specific routines are important to them so they avoid changing them.
It is very possible that the OP misunderstood something and they are aware of the possibility of that happening. But as people in the comments pointed out, it’s not entirely their responsibility.
Mental health advocate Rachel Kelly says that “People with HF-ASD commonly exhibit difficulties with recognizing nuances of conversation, turn-taking, understanding humor and non-literal language” which the family members must know, so to facilitate communication, they should use clear and literal language.
It was truly a bizarre birthday and it would be hard to figure out what’s wrong even if you don’t have any disorders. And it’s peculiar how the parents suddenly wanted their child to pay separately for themselves just because they are legally considered an adult. Do you think the OP is being too harsh on themselves? Do you think people who have autism blame themselves too much? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
But people in the comments decided that their disorder had nothing to do with their parents being awful people
