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There is nothing wrong with having expectations. However, it becomes a problem when it affects how you run your life. Experts like author and health educator Dr. Elizabeth Scott refer to this as the “Expectations vs. Reality Trap,” which, among other things, can make us less grateful.
“When our expectations outpace reality, it often means we don't appreciate what we do have,” Dr. Scott explained in an article for Very Well Mind, noting that it may lead to comparisons, which is a known thief of joy.
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Dr. Scott brought up an important point: social media has become a catalyst for the significant stress brought on by unmet expectations. Many people tend to do this by comparing their worst days to someone’s best moments, all of which are the product of hard work and fumbling along the way.
“We may not even realize this mismatched comparison. This may be part of why those who spend more time on social media tend to be less happy,” Dr. Scott wrote.
On the topic of expectations and happiness, Yale University professor Robb Rutledge says it happens in the little daily moments, like when ordering a meal at a restaurant and bringing preconceived notions to the experience.
“You’re taking a risk there: Your meal could be better than you expected, or it could be worse than you expected,” Rutledge said in an interview with UC Berkley’s Greater Good Magazine.
Others may flip the script and have low expectations to cushion the blow of potential disappointment. Rutledge says there is a downside to this mindset, as well.
As he explained, expecting things not to go well may lead to a lack of motivation to try new things or take risks. Rutledge noted, “It’s hard to grow as a person if you avoid any uncertain situation.”
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Apart from avoiding marketing comparisons, especially on social media, or considering what makes you happy, how can we manage our expectations? Dr. Scott shares one essential pro tip: practicing gratitude and emotional acceptance.
As she explained, doing the former makes a person feel more appreciative of what they have, while the latter is about taking negative emotions as they are, rather than suppressing them.
