#1 All These Rules But You Know What? Fuck You I Aint Renting It! Go To Hell!
We’ve all experienced the discomfort of dealing with a passive-aggressive person. Whether it’s your mom saying she "doesn't care" what you eat for dinner right before silently scowling at the whole family the entire meal or your roommate saying she “loves” it when you come home late at night and wake her up, it’s never fun to deal with people who refuse to simply say what they mean.
Well, it’s usually not fun. But if they find a way to incorporate comedy into their aggression, we’ll let it slide! The Passive-Aggressive subreddit is dedicated to featuring images and stories of experiences with passive-aggressive individuals, and lucky for us, members have shared some hilarious and clever photos of notes. While it’s probably wise to be upfront and honest with others to maintain relationships, nobody’s perfect. So you might need to let your snarky side slip from time to time!
According to Verywell Mind, passive-aggressive behavior is “behavior that is seemingly innocuous, accidental, or neutral but that indirectly displays an unconscious aggressive motive.” This might involve resistance to someone’s requests through procrastination, expressing sullenness, being stubborn and/or using the silent treatment.
Those who are passive-aggressive might allow others to take the lead and make decisions for them, at least at first, but they’ll later show signs of how unhappy they are with their situation. For example, they might agree to do something and then complain the entire time or say they'll watch a movie their partner wants to see then refuse to pay attention or appear to be in a bad mood for no reason.
Unsurprisingly, being passive-aggressive can negatively impact relationships. It can be confusing for others when a passive-aggressive person refuses to be upfront about their feelings. And it can become frustrating when sarcasm is used instead of honesty. Not to mention the fact that bottling up your feelings is never healthy, so it’s not recommended to hold everything inside if it’s going to cause you to destroy your friendships with passive-aggressive remarks.
As far as where this indirect behavior comes from, Verywell Mind notes that it might be the result of family upbringing, mental health issues, situational circumstances and/or discomfort with confrontation. Personally, I learned a lot of passive-aggressive behaviors from my mother growing up that I had to work hard to unlearn.
I never saw her express her desires, and instead, the rest of us had to try to read her mind and tiptoe around to figure out what she wanted. Unfortunately, I developed a tendency to do the same thing without even realizing it. If you have the same bad habit, I would highly recommend working through it in therapy for the sake of your relationships!
When it comes to dealing with passive-aggressive individuals, it’s important to first know how to recognize these behaviors. Once you're aware of what signs to look out for, don’t be afraid to calmly point them out without judgment. Just make the other person notice how they’re choosing to communicate, and give them the opportunity to be more direct. Be patient, and provide them space to work through whatever is going on in their mind. And try not to take any of their passive-aggression personally.
If you’re trying to work on cutting down your own passive-aggressive behavior, Simply Psychology recommends first considering why you’re acting that way in the first place. Did you pick up these habits from a parent or your partner? Does it happen more often when you’re in a situation where you’re scared to be assertive? Reflect on where this might be coming from, and work on being more self-aware so you can prevent yourself from resorting to passive-aggressive behavior in the future.
