There are numerous signs of being an adult, like having a driver's license, buying beer without restrictions, and whatnot - but many people, alas, actually limit themselves to these external signs. Meanwhile, perhaps the most important and only sign of being an adult is taking responsibility for your actions and not putting it on others' shoulders.
Well, this is something that the ex-husband of the user u/Caryzzys, the narrator of our story today, always had problems with. This ultimately led to the breakdown of his marriage, and to his numerous fruitless attempts to shift responsibility for his affair kids onto his ex-wife. However, let's just take things one step at a time.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes, people actually realize it's all over between them and don't make any effort to turn the tables - but that wasn't the case in today's story
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post has been divorced from her husband for 5 years, mostly over his numerous cases of cheating on her
Image credits: Caryzzys
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Now, the lady lives with their 2 kids, and the man has to deal with his numerous affair kids somehow
Image credits: Caryzzys
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The ex-spouses still have tension between them, so when the ex-in-laws asked the woman to host the Christmas party "for the whole family," she was clearly unhappy with the idea
Image credits: Caryzzys
Image credits: Michael Pointner / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman said that it's all over between her and her ex, and asked his parents to stop coaxing her
Image credits: Caryzzys
However, the ex-in-laws were incredibly insistent, so the woman took it online, seeking support
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that she and her husband have been divorced for over five years, and their children (now 11 and 9) live with their mother, while the dad appears in their lives about once a month. This, apparently, suits him just fine. Especially since he currently has many other problems. The thing is, both during their marriage and later, he never restrained his love for other ladies.
As a result, the couple divorced when numerous instances of his adultery came to light. They divorced on bad terms, and the woman sincerely admits that she still hates her ex. Meanwhile, he was discovered to have five more kids from different women, who now live with him (so he has 14 children overall). But our heroine reasonably believes that this is his life and his problem.
At the same time, the woman maintains a good relationship with her ex-in-laws. Firstly, they are truly decent people, and secondly, the kids really love their grandparents. But now, as Christmas approaches, the ex's parents have suggested to the author that they celebrate the holiday together, with her ex and his numerous offspring too. They even offered to buy a turkey as a token of reconciliation.
But the problem is, the original poster doesn't want that at all! She believes that tension between her and her ex-husband shouldn't spoil the holiday atmosphere and that his kids have no business being in her house. She's mentioned this to her ex-in-laws several times, but they've only gotten upset and continued to insist. So she decided to take it online, seeking support and advice.
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
"Apparently, this man's parents, fully aware of their son's personality, are still trying to reconcile him with his ex-wife somehow, counting on her beneficial influence on him," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. "And he's either aware of these plans or just doesn't mind."
Yes, there's no place for negative emotions at Christmas, especially around a table full of children. And if, as the author says, she still harbors some bad feelings toward her ex-husband, then, according to the expert, it's best to refrain from gathering at one table at all. At least then the holiday won't be marred by any fights.
"It seems to me that this man's parents should focus their energy, instead of inappropriately trying to bring his ex-wife 'back into the family,' on influencing their son. Trying to change his character and mindset. In any case, his ex-spouse is already in the past for him, and if he doesn't change himself, his future, and that of his children, won't be bright," Irina Matveeva sums up.
Most commenters, of course, sided with the OP, arguing that she's under no obligation to host Xmas for a man she still dislikes. And if the guy's parents want a family atmosphere for the holiday, then let them host the event themselves and not demand another person do it. "You are not obligated to do anything but protect your peace and your children," one of the responders wisely wrote. So, isn't that right, our dear readers?
The majority of commenters sided with the woman, claiming that she actually owes nothing to anyone and doesn't need to host this party at all
