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In an interview with psychologist and family therapist Shannon Benson, Bored Panda asked her to explain the role of gender roles and cultural backgrounds in how exes communicate after a breakup. "Gender roles can influence the way that men and women express their emotions and communicate with their exes," said Benson.
"For example, traditional gender roles may suggest that men are supposed to be less expressive of their emotions and more likely to suppress them, while women are expected to be more open and expressive. This may result in men being less likely to initiate communication with their exes, or less likely to express vulnerability and sadness, while women may be more likely to reach out and express their feelings."
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Benson also highlighted that cultural backgrounds can play a role in how exes communicate after a breakup. "Different cultures may have different expectations or norms around communication, emotional expression, and relationships," she noted.
"For example, some cultures may place more emphasis on preserving relationships and maintaining harmony, while others may be more individualistic and focus on personal growth and self-expression. This may result in exes from different cultural backgrounds communicating differently after a breakup. For example, in some cultures, direct confrontation might be seen as impolite and be avoided, while other cultures may view direct confrontation as an important aspect of communication."
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The family therapist also told us about the distinction between healthy and unhealthy communication from an ex post-breakup. "Healthy communication is characterized by mutual respect, kindness, and a willingness to listen and understand each other's perspective," shared Shannon. "It is focused on resolving conflicts and finding a way to move forward in a positive way. It is respectful and non-threatening. On the other hand, unhealthy communication can be disrespectful and often includes personal attacks, verbal abuse or manipulation, and attempts to control the other person. It can make it hard to find closure and move on, and can escalate conflicts."
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(25 years ago. I don’t know if he’s even still alive and I’m ok with that.)
Benson emphasized that "everyone heals differently and has different boundaries," and it's important to "listen to oneself and find what works best for you and your individual needs." She also reminded that "no one should tolerate any form of verbal abuse or harassment," and that it's important to "take steps to protect oneself from unhealthy communication."
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