When people first become parents, their newborns are always fragile, susceptible to all kinds of dangers, and in need of constant care and protection. But as time goes by, children grow and become their own people, capable of taking on the world.
Understanding that and letting them go can be difficult. However, as one Redditor shares, it is more difficult for some than others. A great example of this is the man’s ex-wife, who, even 7 years after their daughter was born, kept on breastfeeding her, seemingly refusing to stop despite the poster’s efforts to convince her. Scroll down to read the full story!
More info: Reddit
Every parent reaches a moment when they have to let go of their child, and doing so is never easy
Image credits: willsantt (not the actual photo)
The parents split up when their daughter was a baby, and the child had to stay with her mother
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
When the girl was still being breastfed at the age of 2, the father started addressing the issue, but over the next 5 years, nothing changed
Image credits: u/Caramelman
Having exhausted all his options, frustrated and worried, the dad started considering going to court but first came online to ask for advice
The story took place around a year ago. The OP started by explaining that he and his ex-wife had separated when their baby was just months old. But unlike their marriage, the nursing of their daughter didn’t end.
When their child reached 2 years old, the dad started jokingly bringing up the issue, saying how the mom should at least stop breastfeeding once the girl reaches high school or dropping an occasional Game of Thrones reference.
But as time passed, the situation didn’t change, and the frustration grew. The man considered going to court to solve this issue but first decided to look for answers online.
The OP explained that his ex-wife is an intelligent and reasonable woman, as well as a very caring mother, theorizing that breastfeeding their 7-year-old daughter is the woman’s emotional damage showing through her attachment issues. He also added that part of the problem is the girl never sleeping over at his place because she has gotten used to always sleeping with her mom.
Most of the commenters agreed with the poster’s concerns. They shared a lot of advice while also asking questions to clarify the situation, saying that if the girl did spend more nights at her father’s place, she would likely grow out of breastfeeding naturally. However, they all jointly advised the man against going to court, as, in their opinion, it was unlikely to help and could actually damage the man’s relationship with his ex and daughter.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
While situations similar to our story are not very common, this is not unheard of either, and thus, we became curious to learn why these things really happen. To get a better insight, Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Erika Stapert, a child, adolescent, and adult psychologist specializing in Parent-Child Interaction Therapy.
The expert began by explaining that breastfeeding is a mutual relationship between the mother and the child, and thus, it provides benefits for both of them. “For the child, it could be the feelings of closeness and soothing, while for the mother, she might find it to be a time of connection and bonding.”
“Other reasons for extended breastfeeding could be the convenience of it, given the mother’s ability to provide nourishment in any given moment or in any situation, as well as the mother feeling as though breast milk provides additional nutrients and health benefits for the child,” said Dr. Erika, adding that cultural differences might be another factor at play.
When talking about the issues that an overly long breastfeeding period can cause, the psychologist explained that, first and foremost, this is a personal and familial choice. “The American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP) indicates that 2-7 years old is the estimated “natural weaning age for a child.”
"For this reason, I would not be overly concerned about a child still nursing within these ages unless they were using breastfeeding as the only way to help manage distressing emotions."
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
However, the problem occurs when a child of this age becomes overly reliant on breastfeeding and is unable to cope without it. Here, the expert highlighted the part of our story where the daughter had difficulty being away from her mother for extended periods, unable to spend nights with her father.
"Also, if the child is nursing in public, they might experience ridicule from peers, as in most Western countries, extended breastfeeding is not seen as the 'norm.' The mother might also experience shaming and judgment, and the longer she breastfeeds, the more difficult it might become for her to stop, even when feeling the need to do so, as the experience has become a significant part of the mother-child dynamic," explained Dr. Erika.
If longer-than-usual nursing does pose a problem, the expert recommended that parents start by discussing the issue without judgment and approaching the situation with an open mind toward each other’s perspectives. “Co-parents need to try to put aside their own preferences and feelings and truly focus on what’s best for the child,” summarized the psychologist, adding that parents should take into consideration things like whether the child is relying on breastfeeding as emotional support, if it is interfering with them eating other foods, and if it leads to teasing by peers.
In the end, it’s difficult to properly judge the situation without knowing both sides of the story. But taking into account what Dr. Erika Stapert told us, there is nothing to be overly concerned with yet. And since, as the OP said, his ex-wife is an intelligent and reasonable woman, we can be quite sure that the parents managed to sort this situation out without any bigger issues arising. That is, as long as he managed to approach this intelligently and reasonably, too.
What did you think about this story? Do you think breastfeeding a child up to 7 years old is anything to be concerned about? Share your thoughts below!
Most of the commenters agreed with the father's concerns, asked questions, suggested options, and shared stories of their own but advised against going to court
