How would you react if a loved one kept breaking into your home? Respect is mandatory if you want a relationship to work. Someone who ignores your locked doors probably doesn’t give a damn about your boundaries or privacy. For them, their personal wants trump your needs every single time.
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A woman went viral online after asking for help dealing with an emotionally messy situation in her family. After getting the feeling that someone had been in her home, she finally discovered that her mother-in-law kept sneaking in to clean. Her excuse? Calling it a “gift” to the couple. Keep reading to find out what happened and to see what advice the internet gave the exasperated author.
It is an extremely nasty feeling when someone has been in your home without permission
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A woman opened up about confronting her toxic mother-in-law after finally catching her breaking into her house
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Healthy boundaries are non-negotiable. Communicate them clearly and be prepared to protect them
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Establishing boundaries is essential, but it’s easier said than done. It’s hard to say “no” to someone close because of all the emotional fallout. That being said, if you don’t set any boundaries, then you open yourself up to constantly being walked over.
In this particular case, the common sense thing to do is to prohibit your mother-in-law from coming over to your home without asking first. Her good intentions (cleaning, etc.) don’t make up for the fact that she is completely disrespecting the couple’s privacy and eroding the trust between them. If you want to help, ask! It’s not that hard.
According to Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, PhD, the author of ‘Gaslighting,’ a book about breaking free from manipulative and emotionally violent people, narcissistic in-laws tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance. What’s more, narcissists tend to have a constant need for admiration and lack empathy.
“Many narcissists will tell you that you are being ‘too sensitive’ or that you ‘can’t take a joke’ when you call them out on their behavior. Their response may leave you wondering whether you had a reason to be upset,” she writes in a piece on Psychology Today.
“Recognize that deep-seated insecurities and fragile self-esteem often drive a narcissist’s actions. Their behavior is not a personal attack on you, even if it feels deeply personal. Narcissists have usually had issues with their manipulative behavior long before you met them.”
The key to healthy boundaries is to communicate clearly and assertively, be very consistent, and also provide a united front with your significant other. You and your partner have to be on the same page before you enforce any boundaries.
This way, you demonstrate that your boundaries are non-negotiable, not merely optional. It’s also vital that your spouse doesn’t enable their parents’ toxic behavior. Inappropriate behavior should never be excused just because someone is ‘family.’
Dealing with a narcissist can be incredibly exhausting and infuriating
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One thing to note is that boundaries aren’t there to “make” someone behave a certain way.
They are meant to remind you to protect your well-being. In the meantime, focus on your personal self-care, take some time away from your family to recharge, and be willing to walk away from unhealthy interactions.
Meanwhile, keep in mind that narcissists may not change their behavior even if you tell them that they’ve hurt you.
They might decide to punish you, and so they’ll double down on their negative behavior.
On the other hand, you have to recognize that everyone makes mistakes. Be open to the fact that people can and do change for the better.
Sylvia L. Mikucki-Enyart, PhD, notes that when you view your in-laws as toxic, you create negative expectations. This then distorts their behavior and heightens reactivity and stereotypes.
“Look for positive intentions, even when previous generations' expectations lead to misunderstandings,” she writes. Giving each other some grace is important.
What’s your take? How would you and your partner handle things if you noticed that one of your relatives kept breaking into your home? How do you communicate, set, and defend your healthy boundaries with your spouse, especially in the context of your family?
The internet had a lot to say about the bizarre situation in the author's family
