148 English Teacher Jokes To Bring A Bit Of Fun To The Classroom

"My high-school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart-shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription: 'BE MINE.' The following day, I received in return a valentine from the teacher. It read: 'Thank you, but it’s still BE MINE-US.'"

A teacher walks into a bar and says "Can I have a beer?" The barman says "I don't know, CAN YOU?"

My English teacher told this one to my whole class. So a guide in an university does a quick tour of the campus with new male students. She shows the science department, the arts and sports departments, and then she stops at the women’s dormitory: “You guys are not allowed to go there, the first time we catch you in the women’s dormitory, the fine is 25$. The second time is 50$, the third time is 100$ and so on.” This is when a guy in the back raises his hand to ask a question: “How much for the season pass?”

The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good grief!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."

“I just saw my high-school English teacher the other day and she didn’t remember me. I was homeschooled.”

This guy's an English teacher, and he still can't think of a synonym for 'market'! It's bazaar.

How do you tell the difference between a math teacher and an English teacher?

Ask them to define “hyperbolic”.

The English Teacher in India.

Teacher: "Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"."

Student: "I is the...."

Teacher: "Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I"."

Student: "OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

“Teacher: ‘What is the longest word in the English language?’

Student: ‘Smiles."

Teacher: ‘Why?’

Student: ‘Because there is a ‘mile’ before the first and the last letter.’”

Teacher: "I know you are bad at spelling. That’s why I told you to copy the sentence 10 times! But you only wrote it down 4 times. Why?"

Student: "Sir, looks like my counting is also bad."

Why did the teacher write on the window?

Because she wanted the lesson to be very clear!

The past, present, and the future walked into a bar where teachers were drinking. Everyone tensed!

"My English teacher asked to “define money”. I responded “something you don’t have”."

"I'm an English teacher and I'm obsessed with staying clean. I hope there isn't any literature house."

“Did you hear about the proctologist who became and English teacher? He specializes in teaching analogies.”

Teacher: "Whoever gets my next question right may go home."

Student throws book to the front of the class.

Teacher: "Who threw that??"

Student: "Me! I’m going home now." (And the student leaves class.)

A English teacher asked the class... "Use the word 'dandelion' in a sentence." The Jamaican kid then stood up and proudly exclaimed, "De Cheetah is fastah dandelion?"

What are the two types of people who love the words "Who, what, when, where and why?"

English teachers and Alzheimer's patients.

“What do English teacher and Coke dealers have in common? Focus on the last line.”

"In high school I knew we had an alcoholic Mexican English teacher. When she had us read Tequila Mockingbird."