Breaking up with a friend can feel just as intense as breaking up with a romantic partner but more often than not, we’re clueless on how to process it in a healthy way.
Do you sit them down and have a formal talk — “it’s not you, it’s me”? Or do you go to therapy to see if you can salvage the relationship?
Sometimes we stay in toxic friendships until it boils over, and the truth is not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime.
Recently, someone went online and asked “What ended your friendship with your oldest standing friend?” and a lot of people shared some interesting stories.
Some stories are dramatic — arguments, betrayal, lies. Others are simply heartbreaking — friends growing apart or ghosting each other.
But all of them reveal one thing — some friendships, even the longest ones, change in ways you can’t always control.
#1
Sorry to say Alzheimer’s - just turned 74 years old, a friend since high school.
A_Lovely_:
If you get the chance, sit down and listen to music from your youth together. Odds are it will be a wonderful experience for you both.
zazzz0014:
My grandma couldn't remember any of us, but put on her Elvis gospel records and she would light up and sing along with you. She still knew every word.
Myiiadru2:
The hardest part is when your own parent doesn’t recognize you anymore. Your heart breaks for them and yourself.
A_Lovely_:
If you get the chance, sit down and listen to music from your youth together. Odds are it will be a wonderful experience for you both.
zazzz0014:
My grandma couldn't remember any of us, but put on her Elvis gospel records and she would light up and sing along with you. She still knew every word.
Myiiadru2:
The hardest part is when your own parent doesn’t recognize you anymore. Your heart breaks for them and yourself.
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49points
#2
She told me I couldn’t talk about my dad's cancer because it affected her mood and she needed to be upbeat because she works with kids. There were so many other instances like that where she basically (and sometimes literally) just said “I don’t care about what you’re going through, I need to take care of myself”
You could say she wanted to be part of the “village” but never wanted to be a “villager”
After that, I stopped talking to her in general and she never talked to me either, so I thought it was a mutual ending of the friendship. Big mistake, she absolutely blew up at me (literally 3 days after my dad's passing) when I didn’t personally invite her to the funeral and said I was being selfish for not thinking of her feelings and “trauma”. She’s never lost someone to cancer. Her parents and all grandparents are still alive. I have no idea what trauma she was referring to.
Orson_Randall:
Should have told her you didn't invite her because you didn't want to affect her mood since she needed to be upbeat to work with kids.
Mrs_Evryshot:
That’s sort of what happened with my former bestie. We were the closest two friends in a friend group of about 6 people. One of the 6 got cancer at the same time my “bestie” got pregnant. She refused to visit the friend with cancer because it would interfere with her joy of being pregnant. He eventually died at 34. I never spoke to her again.
You could say she wanted to be part of the “village” but never wanted to be a “villager”
After that, I stopped talking to her in general and she never talked to me either, so I thought it was a mutual ending of the friendship. Big mistake, she absolutely blew up at me (literally 3 days after my dad's passing) when I didn’t personally invite her to the funeral and said I was being selfish for not thinking of her feelings and “trauma”. She’s never lost someone to cancer. Her parents and all grandparents are still alive. I have no idea what trauma she was referring to.
Orson_Randall:
Should have told her you didn't invite her because you didn't want to affect her mood since she needed to be upbeat to work with kids.
Mrs_Evryshot:
That’s sort of what happened with my former bestie. We were the closest two friends in a friend group of about 6 people. One of the 6 got cancer at the same time my “bestie” got pregnant. She refused to visit the friend with cancer because it would interfere with her joy of being pregnant. He eventually died at 34. I never spoke to her again.
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36points
#3
He's backing ICE's actions in Minnesota. He was my best friend and bandmate for 26 years. No longer. Done.
Report
35points
A lot of studies show that close friendships affect our physical and mental health in a huge way. Yet when friendships end, people are often left to process the loss.
Most early research into friendship breakups focuses on children and adolescents, a time when friendships naturally shift as we change schools, develop new identities, or move into different social circles.
But when we are adults, it not only gets harder to make new friends, it’s even harder to maintain the existing ones.
#4
Distance plus no effort on their side.
Calamity58:
I had a verifiable crew in high school. Six friends that were just absolutely inseparable. We’d hang out at school, every weekend, went on camping trips, had more inside jokes than I could ever count.
Then came college. We all went in different directions, but we’d stay somewhat in touch. We’d play video games a couple of times a week. And when summer would come around, we’d all converge back in our hometown and get right back to our same hijinks.
The problem was, some people moved on, some didn’t. After college, it became harder and harder to stay friends, when I realized that, for most of the guys in that group, friendship was a convenience. It was the proximity, all of us in the same neighborhood, that made things tight. But whereas I left the neighborhood, most of these other guys never did. Call it low aspirations, burn-out, whatever. Slowly, it became less of a friendship, and more of me just letting them know if/when I was around. Eventually, I came back for a holiday one year and just realized if I didn’t say anything, they’d never even know. Because they just didn’t care.
I try not to hold it against them. There is this term from the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, “sonder”, basically, the realization that every passerby on the street, every light in a window, is a complete person, with a life just as complex and full as your own. It makes me sad, because I understand that I’ll only ever really know a few hundred, maybe a thousand people in my whole life. And I wish that I could hold on to every one of those connections. But I have to accept that time and distance mean that those other people, with full and complicated lives of their own, might not be able to keep our connection forever.
Calamity58:
I had a verifiable crew in high school. Six friends that were just absolutely inseparable. We’d hang out at school, every weekend, went on camping trips, had more inside jokes than I could ever count.
Then came college. We all went in different directions, but we’d stay somewhat in touch. We’d play video games a couple of times a week. And when summer would come around, we’d all converge back in our hometown and get right back to our same hijinks.
The problem was, some people moved on, some didn’t. After college, it became harder and harder to stay friends, when I realized that, for most of the guys in that group, friendship was a convenience. It was the proximity, all of us in the same neighborhood, that made things tight. But whereas I left the neighborhood, most of these other guys never did. Call it low aspirations, burn-out, whatever. Slowly, it became less of a friendship, and more of me just letting them know if/when I was around. Eventually, I came back for a holiday one year and just realized if I didn’t say anything, they’d never even know. Because they just didn’t care.
I try not to hold it against them. There is this term from the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, “sonder”, basically, the realization that every passerby on the street, every light in a window, is a complete person, with a life just as complex and full as your own. It makes me sad, because I understand that I’ll only ever really know a few hundred, maybe a thousand people in my whole life. And I wish that I could hold on to every one of those connections. But I have to accept that time and distance mean that those other people, with full and complicated lives of their own, might not be able to keep our connection forever.
30points
#5
We grew up together and have been friends for 15+ years. I wanted to organise a phone call to catch up and he missed 6 phone calls in a row. Each time was the same excuse that it slipped his mind or he forgot or he was napping. I told him it wasn't acceptable and if he wanted to talk, he was going to have to make the effort to organise a phone call or anything. Its been 6 months and I haven't heard a single thing from him. It breaks my heart and I miss him lots but hey, nothing I can do. I showed up and he didnt.
Training-Stuff7414:
I had a friend like that too. 400 miles away but we remained great friends. 40+ years Just stoped communicating. It was just cryptic communication at first and then it completely stopped. I even looked up obituaries in her city to see if she had died. Turns out she had Alzheimer’s.
grimphant0m23:
Well it is like that sometimes. I've missed more than 6 calls from my friend because sometimes life gets in the way.
In a way I think thats what differentiates friends from best friend. Sometimes other things take priority and you just forget and im glad that my friends have never given up on me.
It goes both ways as well, so.etimes I've reached out to my best friends and they've not responded for months but at the end of the day, when we do connect again, it feels like no time has passed.
Training-Stuff7414:
I had a friend like that too. 400 miles away but we remained great friends. 40+ years Just stoped communicating. It was just cryptic communication at first and then it completely stopped. I even looked up obituaries in her city to see if she had died. Turns out she had Alzheimer’s.
grimphant0m23:
Well it is like that sometimes. I've missed more than 6 calls from my friend because sometimes life gets in the way.
In a way I think thats what differentiates friends from best friend. Sometimes other things take priority and you just forget and im glad that my friends have never given up on me.
It goes both ways as well, so.etimes I've reached out to my best friends and they've not responded for months but at the end of the day, when we do connect again, it feels like no time has passed.
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26points
#6
They went off the conservative deep end and started blaming everything on trans people. He won’t talk to any of his old friends anymore.
IncidentSome4403:
God this one cuts deep, especially in the past 5-10 years. I had to cut off a whole section of my old friend group because they fell really deep into that stuff during COVID, like fell for it hook, line and sinker. It’s difficult to be friends with someone who’s just a walking YouTube comments section.
whats_not_taken:
This. I tolerated a lot. I used to say we just had a differing of opinion. One day we were debating something and he said something that was untrue. I said "Thats inaccurate and there are witnesses who confirmed thats not true." His response was "Well I don't want to think that's true." I immediately lost all respect.
IncidentSome4403:
God this one cuts deep, especially in the past 5-10 years. I had to cut off a whole section of my old friend group because they fell really deep into that stuff during COVID, like fell for it hook, line and sinker. It’s difficult to be friends with someone who’s just a walking YouTube comments section.
whats_not_taken:
This. I tolerated a lot. I used to say we just had a differing of opinion. One day we were debating something and he said something that was untrue. I said "Thats inaccurate and there are witnesses who confirmed thats not true." His response was "Well I don't want to think that's true." I immediately lost all respect.
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25points
Research has shown that adult friendships often end for surprisingly ordinary reasons — less time together, fewer shared interests, new relationships taking priority, or simply not liking the person in the same way anymore.
Casual friendships may crumble over time because of distance but close ones more often end through neglect or emotional interference.
“In my research on adolescents, experiencing a conflict or betrayal was the most commonly reported reason that friendships ended. However, something negative does not necessarily need to happen. In many cases, something lacking (like support, fun, or similarity) may precipitate a friendship dissolution,” Kaitlin M Flannery, PhD, an associate professor at SUNY Cortland, tells Bored Panda.
“Other people in our lives may also interfere in a friendship, and sometimes, a friendship ends for situational reasons, like one friend moves away or gets a different job,” she adds.
#7
I didn't give her enough emotional support during the pandemic. While she was at home with her kid in the burbs and I was working full time in a hospital living in the epicenter of the uprising. She's the one who cut me off LOL.
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22points
#8
My now wife, reached out to my friend about an upcoming party that he was hosting. She had not met him and was excited to meet him. She messaged him on Facebook to say how excited she was and what does she need to bring. He followed up and said " I don't talk to people that I have not met in real life on here, and I am leaving this weekend , so I don't have time to give you any information".
She asked me what she did wrong, I said nothing, that was a weird response. I followed up with him about his response , but he wanted to have sit down to talk about it. I told him we could talk on the phone about the issue. Nothing happened.
He stopped talking to me. Only showed up to my father's funeral and seemed weirded out to actually have to talk to me. Haven't spoken to him since. That was two years ago since my dad's funeral.
MarionCobraCobretti:
I'd wager he's jealous of you. This sounds like my brother. He's never liked a woman I've been in a relationship with (including my wife who is genuinely a sweetheart), acts weird, angry, bitter, distant etc toward my SO and myself, and has always struggled to start/maintain romantic relationships. After a very long argument years and years ago he broke down and admitted that he was deeply jealous of me. It surprised me, and I honestly thought that our relationship would improve after it. It didn't. We have barely said a word to each other in 12 years.
She asked me what she did wrong, I said nothing, that was a weird response. I followed up with him about his response , but he wanted to have sit down to talk about it. I told him we could talk on the phone about the issue. Nothing happened.
He stopped talking to me. Only showed up to my father's funeral and seemed weirded out to actually have to talk to me. Haven't spoken to him since. That was two years ago since my dad's funeral.
MarionCobraCobretti:
I'd wager he's jealous of you. This sounds like my brother. He's never liked a woman I've been in a relationship with (including my wife who is genuinely a sweetheart), acts weird, angry, bitter, distant etc toward my SO and myself, and has always struggled to start/maintain romantic relationships. After a very long argument years and years ago he broke down and admitted that he was deeply jealous of me. It surprised me, and I honestly thought that our relationship would improve after it. It didn't. We have barely said a word to each other in 12 years.
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21points
#9
Grew up across the street from each other and was tight from middle school all the way up until our mid 20's. He tried getting with my girlfriend (at the time) when me and her were having issues. I went his place to vent about things and I dint realize it at the time, but he was texting her while I was there. I guess since he was so terrible with women, he thought it would be easy. He was sending her things like how she should leave me for him and saying he had a crush on her. Real cringy stuff.
I obviously found out because she showed me the messages. I confronted him the next day and he ran inside like a coward and threatened to call the cops.
All that could have possibly been forgiven with time, but a year later he was arrested for being involved with a girl that was only in 9th grade while he was 27. It also came out that he would try to befriend teenagers by offering to buy them beer and stuff.
He's 31 now and still lives across the street from my parents with his folks. There are times I wonder how he's doing but then remember he's a creep.
Its so weird though, I sometimes think of fun times but I will never speak to him again.
DonkeyLord113:
I broke up with my best bro after he betrayed me for my ex. She's a horrible person but in his eyes she could do no wrong. We both had a crush on her but I ended up with her before she dumped me. My friend told me he's too afraid of jeopardising his friendship with her to confess how he feels, so he betrayed me for a girl he'll never even try to get.
I obviously found out because she showed me the messages. I confronted him the next day and he ran inside like a coward and threatened to call the cops.
All that could have possibly been forgiven with time, but a year later he was arrested for being involved with a girl that was only in 9th grade while he was 27. It also came out that he would try to befriend teenagers by offering to buy them beer and stuff.
He's 31 now and still lives across the street from my parents with his folks. There are times I wonder how he's doing but then remember he's a creep.
Its so weird though, I sometimes think of fun times but I will never speak to him again.
DonkeyLord113:
I broke up with my best bro after he betrayed me for my ex. She's a horrible person but in his eyes she could do no wrong. We both had a crush on her but I ended up with her before she dumped me. My friend told me he's too afraid of jeopardising his friendship with her to confess how he feels, so he betrayed me for a girl he'll never even try to get.
Report
20points
But strong friendships can survive significant life changes — what is different in stable platonic relationships is not constant communication, but flexibility.
We evolve as people as we grow up and our lives change.
When we’re younger, we think closeness means constantly staying in touch and giving daily updates to each other.
Adult friendships don’t need daily check-ins to feel real, and healthy friendships grow alongside us as long as the people in them show up when it matters the most.
#10
She married a MAGA man. 40 years of being the sweetest, caring woman I knew... Now she is hateful, racist and so ugly. It still makes me cry.
elvie18:
I can never get over how contagious hatred and anger are.
Landbuilder:
Good grief, get help.
elvie18:
I can never get over how contagious hatred and anger are.
Landbuilder:
Good grief, get help.
19points
#11
I got married.
Then best-friend was my MOH. She got falling-down drunk and had a big emotional meltdown at the reception (she was going through some big life changes at the time, so I thought that the issue, and my only concern was that she was okay), holed up in a guest room so the other guests didn't know or even notice she'd sorta just dipped out. Almost called an ambulance because I was so scared for her, but she begged me to just let her sober up and kept apologizing over and over for 'ruining the wedding.'
When I laughed at one point and told her that she didn't ruin anything, that I was just so glad she was there and I was sorry she was having a bad time, she sorta got quiet and weird and just asked me to leave her alone for a while. My in-laws took turns making sure she was okay and had water and such.
Long story short - after she got home she ended up messaging to say she was done being in my life. Turned out she'd spent years harboring a fantasy that I (queer, attracted only to men and masc folks, very very clear about this for as long as she'd known me) would wake up one day having realized that *actually* I was really into girls, and in fact was very into *her* since we loved each other so much, and I'd leave my partner (of then not quite a decade) to run away with her to live our happy-ever-after.
In her words, watching me 'literally glowing' as I exchanged vows and happily kissed my husband shattered the dream. She didn't realize how big a thing it was for her until it happened, and then it was too much.
It was messy and awful.
mangling_dodifier:
Man, I'm really sorry. It sounds like there was no way you could have possibly seen that coming, what a whiplash. (My former best friend had an emotional meltdown at me that I think was more about her own complicated issues about relationships, but the end result was that she slammed out of my life, though thankfully I guess before the wedding, so I sympathize.)
It's bad enough that she had that meltdown at the wedding, too...it's like I almost feel sorry for her, no one can help a crush, but that's a hell of a long time to be that deep in denial, like there has to be something else that was going on with her too.
OP:
What really drove me nuts for a long time after was that I had outright asked her on many occasions where I'd had an inkling - "do you have feelings for me?" or the like. Always immediately dismissed and assured that no, of course not. She had relationships and hookups. In retrospect I feel like she lied because she knew if she told the truth that I would have made space between us; her being honest would have meant being unambiguously shot-down and rejected.
Something that has haunted me is that she was so certain that I loved her back the way she loved me, and I asked her to describe WHY. I wanted to make absolutely sure that I did not lead her on, and that I did not repeat mistakes with other people. She eventually had to admit that really there was nothing - just normal friend stuff that she had quietly chosen to believe were silent signals and signs. "Except for this look - there's this look you give me sometimes, when I just know. You're doing it right now!"
Pity. The expression on my face, what I feeling, was pity.
Then best-friend was my MOH. She got falling-down drunk and had a big emotional meltdown at the reception (she was going through some big life changes at the time, so I thought that the issue, and my only concern was that she was okay), holed up in a guest room so the other guests didn't know or even notice she'd sorta just dipped out. Almost called an ambulance because I was so scared for her, but she begged me to just let her sober up and kept apologizing over and over for 'ruining the wedding.'
When I laughed at one point and told her that she didn't ruin anything, that I was just so glad she was there and I was sorry she was having a bad time, she sorta got quiet and weird and just asked me to leave her alone for a while. My in-laws took turns making sure she was okay and had water and such.
Long story short - after she got home she ended up messaging to say she was done being in my life. Turned out she'd spent years harboring a fantasy that I (queer, attracted only to men and masc folks, very very clear about this for as long as she'd known me) would wake up one day having realized that *actually* I was really into girls, and in fact was very into *her* since we loved each other so much, and I'd leave my partner (of then not quite a decade) to run away with her to live our happy-ever-after.
In her words, watching me 'literally glowing' as I exchanged vows and happily kissed my husband shattered the dream. She didn't realize how big a thing it was for her until it happened, and then it was too much.
It was messy and awful.
mangling_dodifier:
Man, I'm really sorry. It sounds like there was no way you could have possibly seen that coming, what a whiplash. (My former best friend had an emotional meltdown at me that I think was more about her own complicated issues about relationships, but the end result was that she slammed out of my life, though thankfully I guess before the wedding, so I sympathize.)
It's bad enough that she had that meltdown at the wedding, too...it's like I almost feel sorry for her, no one can help a crush, but that's a hell of a long time to be that deep in denial, like there has to be something else that was going on with her too.
OP:
What really drove me nuts for a long time after was that I had outright asked her on many occasions where I'd had an inkling - "do you have feelings for me?" or the like. Always immediately dismissed and assured that no, of course not. She had relationships and hookups. In retrospect I feel like she lied because she knew if she told the truth that I would have made space between us; her being honest would have meant being unambiguously shot-down and rejected.
Something that has haunted me is that she was so certain that I loved her back the way she loved me, and I asked her to describe WHY. I wanted to make absolutely sure that I did not lead her on, and that I did not repeat mistakes with other people. She eventually had to admit that really there was nothing - just normal friend stuff that she had quietly chosen to believe were silent signals and signs. "Except for this look - there's this look you give me sometimes, when I just know. You're doing it right now!"
Pity. The expression on my face, what I feeling, was pity.
18points
Flannery says there are a couple of reasons that ending a friendship can hurt so much.
“For one, while people tend to feel comfortable talking about and seeking support following a break-up or divorce, they may be less likely to do so following a friendship dissolution. This can be because they are ashamed by having lost a friend or they may feel worried that others would not see it as a legitimate loss.”
She adds: “There also can be confusion surrounding the experience, as we do not necessarily follow the same rules or scripts to end a friendship as we do to break up with a romantic partner, and that can make the experience harder to process.”
#12
I realized that she is in the top 3 of my favorite people, and I am not even in her top 15.
Beragond1:
It really hurts when you realize the people who are your priority only see you as a backup.
elvie18:
I hate that realization. I just...aggressively like my friends SO MUCH. And I know they like me, but they'd also be fine without me.
Beragond1:
It really hurts when you realize the people who are your priority only see you as a backup.
elvie18:
I hate that realization. I just...aggressively like my friends SO MUCH. And I know they like me, but they'd also be fine without me.
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17points
A recent survey showed that 61% of US adults said having close friends is extremely or very important for people to live a fulfilling life. This is far higher than the people who said the same about being married (23%), having children (26%) or having a lot of money (24%).
The survey also found that having more friends is linked to being more satisfied with those friendships.
#13
She was a huge conspiracy theorist that started saying some wildly egregious and ignorant things that I could not ignore.
RacerGal:
Same here. Friends for 25+ years and when Covid hit she started going down rabbit holes that were insane and it just became too much.
Either_Or_6447:
Yup. Went to my former bff's father's funeral last year and I think that may be the last time I see her. Distance and our children kept us from talking as much and then her husband got them listening to Rush Limbaugh. I hadn't realized how far gone they were until covid and MAGA. The only reason I kept trying to make her see the light is we'd been friends since age 6; we'll be 60 this year. The irony is she's an anchor baby herself and I'm the white girl. Apparently other South Americans are better than Mexicans . Whatever. I can't anymore.
RacerGal:
Same here. Friends for 25+ years and when Covid hit she started going down rabbit holes that were insane and it just became too much.
Either_Or_6447:
Yup. Went to my former bff's father's funeral last year and I think that may be the last time I see her. Distance and our children kept us from talking as much and then her husband got them listening to Rush Limbaugh. I hadn't realized how far gone they were until covid and MAGA. The only reason I kept trying to make her see the light is we'd been friends since age 6; we'll be 60 this year. The irony is she's an anchor baby herself and I'm the white girl. Apparently other South Americans are better than Mexicans . Whatever. I can't anymore.
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16points
#14
They found Jesus and I can't deal with that level of stupidity.
Mountain_Fly_1463:
Being religious is wrong? They dodged a bullet.
ImBackAgainYO:
Not wrong, they can do what ever they want. But it sure is stupid. It's like they still believe in Santa.
Mountain_Fly_1463:
Being religious is wrong? They dodged a bullet.
ImBackAgainYO:
Not wrong, they can do what ever they want. But it sure is stupid. It's like they still believe in Santa.
Report
16points
#15
I stopped texting and calling first... It's been 5 years, I've never heard from them again 🤷♀️.
The_Velvet_Bulldozer:
This was the same with my best friends from high school. I was always making the effort to stay connected in our early 20s. One day, I just decided I won’t reach out and if they really want to see me they’ll make the effort. It’s been over 10 years and not a peep.
F1ankNSpank:
I was the one on the other side of almost this exact situation (deservedly). My best friend from high school kept in touch and invited me out to get a beer a few times, but I have such horrible social anxiety and I was so ashamed that I had basically done nothing with my life yet that I cancelled last minute. The last straw (understandably) was when he got married and I told him I would be there and I again chickened out at the last moment because I was so worried about seeing him and my other classmates again because I had still not done anything with my life. I didn't call or text because I didn't want to bother him on his big day, but we haven't spoken since and its still probably my biggest regret. I've since been diagnosed with AvPD, but that's no excuse. I've thought about reaching out to apologize many many times.
The_Velvet_Bulldozer:
This was the same with my best friends from high school. I was always making the effort to stay connected in our early 20s. One day, I just decided I won’t reach out and if they really want to see me they’ll make the effort. It’s been over 10 years and not a peep.
F1ankNSpank:
I was the one on the other side of almost this exact situation (deservedly). My best friend from high school kept in touch and invited me out to get a beer a few times, but I have such horrible social anxiety and I was so ashamed that I had basically done nothing with my life yet that I cancelled last minute. The last straw (understandably) was when he got married and I told him I would be there and I again chickened out at the last moment because I was so worried about seeing him and my other classmates again because I had still not done anything with my life. I didn't call or text because I didn't want to bother him on his big day, but we haven't spoken since and its still probably my biggest regret. I've since been diagnosed with AvPD, but that's no excuse. I've thought about reaching out to apologize many many times.
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15points
Appreciating what a friendship once was doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be BFFs.
If you stay in a friendship that is toxic or if it drains you, it can lead to a lot of mental and physical health issues.
“It can be really hard to set boundaries in friendships — this is someone you care about and want to support! But you also cannot pour from an empty glass, and we all need breaks or reach our limits. If you find yourself resenting your friend or dreading your interactions, that might mean that you need a break,” says clinical psychologist and author Dr Amy Marschall, Psy.D.
#16
My maid of honor ....she seemed very unlucky that everyone in her life was either cruel to her or screwed her over.And I thought, wow, she has really bad people in her life, until she turned it on me.And then I realized she was the bad person.
spice_queen22:
yeah something i have learned is that 99% of the time when someone seems to think everyone else is the problem…they are really the problem.
spice_queen22:
yeah something i have learned is that 99% of the time when someone seems to think everyone else is the problem…they are really the problem.
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15points
#17
I realized he wasn’t an enjoyable person to be around. He was argumentative about everything, loud, judgmental, and when you pushed back even a little he would claim he was dealing with bad mental health and make you feel bad. During Covid we stopped talking and…I never went back.
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15points
#18
Lots of small things that added up to me realizing she did not care about me.
One of them - I broke my leg when I was home alone and called her to ask her to take me to the hospital. She was busy- shopping- so I took an uber. Over the next three months I had surgery, was confined to a wheelchair, and ended up having to stay at my jerk exboyfriend’s house because he was the only person willing to help me. She never visited me once, even though my ex’s house was about 3 minutes away from her work. She never offered to help me with my dog, which was a huge issue while I was recovering.
Several months later after I was back on two feet we went to a comedy show (I paid for the tickets, drove us, paid for parking and a hotel) and before we went to our seats she had to go to the bathroom and asked me to go get two drinks for her (I was six months sober at the time and was really uncomfortable being around a bar let alone buying drinks) but I agreed. I had to walk down then back up super sketchy steep stairs with two full glasses of wine. I hadn’t graduated to stairs in physical therapy yet, it was honestly terrifying. She got wasted and complained the whole time then fell asleep two seconds after we got back to the hotel.
The next day after we were back home she sent me a Venmo request for $17 for the chicken satay appetizer she bought me. I sent her back a Venmo request for half of the parking cost, which I never had any intention of, it’s insane for us to be nickel and diming each other. We didn’t talk for a few days until she called me and screamed at me for being a bad friend and I hung up on her. I don’t let people scream at me, and she knows this. We haven’t talked since. I miss her a lot but then I remember all this and realize I’m not missing out on much.
One of them - I broke my leg when I was home alone and called her to ask her to take me to the hospital. She was busy- shopping- so I took an uber. Over the next three months I had surgery, was confined to a wheelchair, and ended up having to stay at my jerk exboyfriend’s house because he was the only person willing to help me. She never visited me once, even though my ex’s house was about 3 minutes away from her work. She never offered to help me with my dog, which was a huge issue while I was recovering.
Several months later after I was back on two feet we went to a comedy show (I paid for the tickets, drove us, paid for parking and a hotel) and before we went to our seats she had to go to the bathroom and asked me to go get two drinks for her (I was six months sober at the time and was really uncomfortable being around a bar let alone buying drinks) but I agreed. I had to walk down then back up super sketchy steep stairs with two full glasses of wine. I hadn’t graduated to stairs in physical therapy yet, it was honestly terrifying. She got wasted and complained the whole time then fell asleep two seconds after we got back to the hotel.
The next day after we were back home she sent me a Venmo request for $17 for the chicken satay appetizer she bought me. I sent her back a Venmo request for half of the parking cost, which I never had any intention of, it’s insane for us to be nickel and diming each other. We didn’t talk for a few days until she called me and screamed at me for being a bad friend and I hung up on her. I don’t let people scream at me, and she knows this. We haven’t talked since. I miss her a lot but then I remember all this and realize I’m not missing out on much.
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15points
But when exactly do you completely cut ties with a friend?
Flannery says the best thing to do is to focus on how you feel after spending time with that friend.
“Do you feel energized? Good about yourself? Or does that friend leave you feeling tired, depleted, or anxious? Research has shown that people report feeling relieved and even happy after ending a toxic friendship — sometimes friendships just run their course.”
#19
Dude got married to a woman that controls every aspect of his life. Literally have seen him once since the wedding... 4 years ago.
IJourden:
Ended up with a lot of distance with a very close friend that way. It's sad, but honestly, he and his wife are both happy (as far as I know, we've talked less and less over the years but I don't see any indicators that either of them aren't happy). They just like the dynamic of focusing on each other to the exclusion to everyone else.
Personally it doesn't sound healthy to me and it's definitely not what I would want, but to each their own I guess.
whyte2097:
Same. Super close since childhood. Was best man at my wedding. Grew up together. Had a blast. Have spoke to him/seen him 4 times briefly in the last 13 years, all by chance.
He lives a mile away.
All of the same circle of friends don't see him either so I'm sure it's not me but then also often think I must have done something wrong????
What happened? Met his future wife and that appeared to be it. Seemed to happen overnight.
IJourden:
Ended up with a lot of distance with a very close friend that way. It's sad, but honestly, he and his wife are both happy (as far as I know, we've talked less and less over the years but I don't see any indicators that either of them aren't happy). They just like the dynamic of focusing on each other to the exclusion to everyone else.
Personally it doesn't sound healthy to me and it's definitely not what I would want, but to each their own I guess.
whyte2097:
Same. Super close since childhood. Was best man at my wedding. Grew up together. Had a blast. Have spoke to him/seen him 4 times briefly in the last 13 years, all by chance.
He lives a mile away.
All of the same circle of friends don't see him either so I'm sure it's not me but then also often think I must have done something wrong????
What happened? Met his future wife and that appeared to be it. Seemed to happen overnight.
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14points
#20
Best friend from high school and a girl I was friends with got married. I spent weeks convincing her to give him a chance and a year after graduation they got married.
I found out about the wedding because I happened to be in a gas station and saw two of our mutual friends in tuxedos and they confused asked me why I wasn’t in one because the wedding was in 2 hours.
I wasn’t invited. I got a text from my supposed friend saying sorry and I should come to their wedding anyway. Instead of showing up to their wedding in camo shorts and a tank top I just took the hint.
He wasn’t my friend because he liked me. He was my friend because we lived close enough to ride the bus/ drive each other to school. Once we weren’t obligated to be in the same circle 5 days a week we weren’t friends.
They had 3 kids and got divorced. Love that for them.
PantheraAuroris:
Unfortunately, friendships of convenience are often how you meet the true friends. It's hard to start a friendship when you don't get shoved together with someone due to circumstance, like how it happens in school.
I found out about the wedding because I happened to be in a gas station and saw two of our mutual friends in tuxedos and they confused asked me why I wasn’t in one because the wedding was in 2 hours.
I wasn’t invited. I got a text from my supposed friend saying sorry and I should come to their wedding anyway. Instead of showing up to their wedding in camo shorts and a tank top I just took the hint.
He wasn’t my friend because he liked me. He was my friend because we lived close enough to ride the bus/ drive each other to school. Once we weren’t obligated to be in the same circle 5 days a week we weren’t friends.
They had 3 kids and got divorced. Love that for them.
PantheraAuroris:
Unfortunately, friendships of convenience are often how you meet the true friends. It's hard to start a friendship when you don't get shoved together with someone due to circumstance, like how it happens in school.
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14points