How to raise a child, what is right and wrong, what you can do, what you cannot do, and many other topics are extremely popular in everyday parenting life. So many blog articles, vlogs, different viewpoints, and debates, yet many parents still tend to become angry when told that they are acting inappropriately. Of course, everyone has a different parenting approach, and every parent is aware of what is best for their children. And if you want to avoid conflict - keep your mouth shut about somebody’s parenting style.
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More info: Reddit
It is annoying when guests start to act like they own the place and know what's best
Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual image)
Woman asks community is she wrong for being rude to her sister’s friend after she argued with her son and forbade him from entering the kitchen
Image credits: Nataliya Vaitkevich (not the actual image)
The author's sister complained that she liked that woman and that the OP was wrong for speaking to her that way
Image credits: u/YouDontKnowMyKid
The group of friends split into two camps: one thought the woman was right to be rude while the other thought she was being way over the top
Reddit user "YouDontKnowMyKid" recently posted her story asking the community if she was wrong for "chasing off" her sister's friend after she instructed the woman’s son that he needed permission to use his own kitchen. The post caught a lot of attention and went viral as in just 4 days, it got more than 16K upvotes and 3K comments.
The author starts the story with the introduction that the day before, after work, her sister, cousin and couple of friends came over to her place. Additionally, the sister invited one friend of hers, who the author has seen a few times before, however, never had an issue. Well, spoiler alert: that was about to change.
The main action of the story happened after the OP came back from the bathroom and saw her son and sister’s friend arguing in the kitchen. Turns out, she stopped the boy from going to the kitchen and instructed him to wait for his mum’s permission. “Who the [heck] are you?” asked the author. She couldn't figure out when random people started telling the residents of the house they were visiting where they could go and what they needed permission for. The heated conversation led to the friend explaining that she is a teacher and knows that kids tend to get around the rules. Okay, not sure how that is relevant, but who gave her the permission to go to the kitchen?
Long story (not so) short, the sister's friend left because she no longer felt welcome. Two groups of friends were then established; one group agreed with the author that the behavior of following the young kid into the kitchen just to stop him from entering was very weird, while the other group believed that it was perfectly normal, and it was unnecessary for OP to be rude.
Image credits: Houzlook.com (not the actual image)
She received a Not The A-Hole badge from the crowd, and the comments all agreed that the sister’s friend crossed the line. “There are few things that will make me flip out on someone but messing with my kids is tops on the list,” one user wrote. Most of the commenters praised the author for acting the right way and pointed out that it was not the friend’s duty to scold the child. Later, in the comment section, OP added that the woman's attempt to parent her child pissed her off the most: “ if you want to parent a kid, have one.”
For context, according to Dr. Patrick Capriola, parents have a special understanding of their child's needs, tendencies, and desires based on their instincts and experiences with them that cannot be duplicated by anyone else. Although no one is ever entirely correct, parents are in the best position to provide their children with the most encouragement and positive role models.
Now, the best method to advise others on how to raise their children is never to offer advice, but if you still want to come out as an expert, it would be wise to be familiar with these points made by Heather Reese: only offer advice when it is requested. There is a narrow line between appearing like you are offering anecdotal advice and accusing someone of being a bad parent, so carefully choose your tone. And, if you don’t have kids - shut up.
Image credits: Elina Fairytale (not the actual image)
Bored Panda reached out to Nicole Schwarz, who is a parent coach, licensed therapist and author, to get a more in-depth take on raising children and allowing friends and family to participate in it.
“You have an amazing opportunity to encourage, teach, and build a relationship with the child. Use your presence to help the child feel seen and known. Rather than focusing only on discipline, be a great listener. Show interest in the things the child is interested in. Support their growth and development by reading together, doing activities, or exploring the community. Be a role model for the child to follow as they grow and mature,” Schwarz emphasized.
Speaking about others’ involvement in raising your baby, the author stated that “there are pros and cons to involving friends and family members in the bringing up the baby process. Some parents appreciate the care and concern of others, they rely on the physical and emotional support of friends and family to give their baby the love and energy they deserve. On the other hand, some parents may feel confined and burdened by outside support. They may prefer to set boundaries around when help is needed, and what type of support would be welcome.”
Now, regarding how you should act if you want to parent your friend’s baby, the best way to do it is to follow parents’ lead: “you may ask, ‘How would you like me to step in when the child is doing (fill in the blank with a behavior or situation)?’ or ‘What would be the most help to you right now?’” So to decide and forbid the kid from doing something, as the woman in the story did, is not an option.
Be sure to check out Schwarz's website as well as her book It Starts With You, her "shame-free guide" to parenting children with confidence.
So, guys, what do you think about this story? Have you ever been in a situation with a know-it-all parent and how did you deal?
Folks in the comment sections discussed the situation and defended the author
