"It’s Not A Phase, Mom!": 30 People Are Sharing The Embarrassing Phases They Went Through As Teenagers

Having a good sense of humor and being able to laugh during difficult moments are powerful tools in your arsenal. "If it's something that isn't particularly serious, laughter can be a great response that instantly makes you feel better," psychologist Lee told Bored Panda. However, if you're feeling particularly overwhelmed with embarrassment, a chuckle or two might not be enough.

"If the feelings are intense, try taking a few slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, calming your nervous system and physiological response. In a similar way to laughter, smiling can be effective in shifting your state to the positive. There are times when playing down or even ignoring the feelings can be helpful in the moment, taking the edge off, but it is important that you accept them and express them if it's something significant," Lee suggested that we try to embrace and live with our feelings instead of running away or hiding from them.

Our memories tie us to our pasts, so being mindful of the present can help move us out of a mindset that's centered around embarrassing scenes from our teenage years. "Because the feelings of embarrassment are generated from a past event, anything that brings you into the present moment can bring relief. Try to avoid saying sorry, as it will keep taking you back to the moment. You can even keep your biggest embarrassing moments top of mind, having reflected and realized that in hindsight, they weren't as big an issue as you felt at the time," psychologist Lee shared with Bored Panda.

If we come to terms with some of our past mistakes, we can then even turn them into lessons that might help us in the future. What's more, by conquering (i.e. accepting) even a single embarrassing moment from our pasts, we can then become more resilient in tackling future embarrassment. All that stands in our way are our feelings that pop up when we think about particularly awkward moments from our youth.

"We can even reflect back on our blunders from the past, and with the emotion dampened, take some of the lessons and observations forward for next time we feel like we've messed up. By doing this, you will feel more courage even when the fear of embarrassment strikes, and sharing these stories will elicit others to share, quickly realizing we are not alone, and that nobody is perfect," Lee said.

Redditor Tenamonth’s thread over on r/AskReddit got nearly 18k upvotes. The beauty of the question they asked is that it has a timeless feel to it: it’s likely to be as relevant in a few years as it is now. After all, our capacity to feel embarrassed about our actions won’t be going away any time soon—it’s what makes us human.

And, despite how weird it makes us feel, embarrassment has some great advantages in our social lives. So long as we don’t let it turn to shame. In short, embarrassment, as long as we’re honest about it, is perfectly positive and even healthy. Shame, on the other hand, is what we want to avoid.

Vanessa Bohns from Cornell University explained to me during an earlier interview that being embarrassed and not hiding this fact helps us connect with other people much better. 

“Displaying signs of mild embarrassment can actually be socially constructive and make people feel more sympathetic towards you in the face of your faux pas,” Vanessa told Bored Panda how us feeling embarrassed can have the potential to forge stronger relationships.

“I don’t necessarily think you need to take pains to hide it,” Vanessa said that we shouldn’t run or hide from our embarrassment. In fact, it’s avoiding our genuine feelings or pretending that we’re not embarrassed when we are that can make our reputations crash in the eyes of others.

“What you want to be careful not to do is to let embarrassment morph into the more destructive self-conscious emotion of shame, where you feel so badly about a minor mistake that you start to think there is something wrong with you and feel the need to completely disappear and hide away yourself,” the expert told Bored Panda that we have to do what we can to avoid deep-seated shame that is destructive.

This is opposed to embarrassment which has more constructive potential. In short, it’s perfectly fine to feel embarrassed about something that you did when you were a teenager. We were all searching for our identities and it’s only natural to make a few awkward blunders that we’d never repeat.

However, we really ought to reexamine how we feel about our pasts if we’re constantly ashamed of our past actions. It can’t be healthy to blame ourselves for our teenage years over and over and over again. It’s time to let go… or at least have a good laugh about it.