Clinical psychologist David John Hallford, who is also a senior lecturer at Deakin University, Australia, says that according to current thinking, there are two ways in which we recall experiences from our past.
"One way is purposeful and voluntary," he writes in The Conversation. "For example, if you try to remember what you did at work yesterday, or what you had for lunch last Saturday. This involves a deliberate and effortful process during which we search for the memory in our minds."
"The second way is unintended and spontaneous. These are memories that just seem to 'pop' into our minds and can even be unwanted or intrusive."
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However, if you too are sometimes struck with sudden flashbacks from your blunder years, don't worry. Hallford says that involuntary memories are usually more negative than their voluntary counterparts, and negative memories also tend to have a stronger emotional tone than positive ones.
"Humans are more motivated to avoid bad outcomes, bad situations, and bad definitions of ourselves than to seek out good ones. This is likely due to the pressing need for survival in the world: physically, mentally, and socially," the psychologist explains.
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For the most part, this is all fine, and we are usually able to remember our past and experience the emotions that come with it without too much distress. But it may happen for some people more than others, and with stronger feelings, too.
"One clue as to why comes from research on mood-congruent memory. This is the tendency to be more likely to recall memories which are consistent with our current mood," Hallford says. "So, if you’re feeling sad, well, you're more likely to recall memories related to disappointments, loss, or shame. Feeling anxious or bad about yourself? You're more likely to recall times when you felt scared or unsure."
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The good news is that memories are very adaptable! "When we recall a memory we can elaborate on it and change our thoughts, feelings, and appraisals of past experiences," Hallford points out.
During a process referred to as reconsolidation, changes can be made so the next time that memory is recalled it is different to what it once was and has a new emotional tone.
For example, we might remember a time when we were anxious about having to play Rudolf in an elementary school play that didn’t go so well for us, and feel sad or ashamed.
Reflecting, elaborating, and reframing that memory might involve remembering some aspects of it that did go well, integrating it with the idea that we stepped up to a challenge even though it was hard, and reminding ourselves that it's okay to feel tensed about difficult things and it does not make us a failure or a bad person.
That way, if our dad unearths an old picture of us standing on a stage with a red nose, we might find ourselves smiling at it and recognizing the growth and resilience that have come since then.
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