A Study on Awkward Situations and How to Deal With Them
According to Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., ABPP, a Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, whether you’re a repeat offender or only occasionally find yourself in awkward situations, it’s helpful to know how to navigate and recover from embarrassment.
Fortunately, there’s a study by John Jay College professor Joshua Clegg that provides some guidance on how to battle these unforgettable embarrassing moments.
“Defining socially awkward situations as ‘problematic instances of social affiliation,’ Clegg bases his work on the theory that most people have a need to belong,” Whitbourne explained. “This desire for affiliation leads us to engage in self-regulation, in which we are constantly on the lookout to see what other people think about us. When we think that people are evaluating us negatively, our sense of self takes a huge hit.”
Study Approach: Deciphering Embarrassing Stories
To gain insight into the experience of feeling socially awkward, Clegg undertook what scientists call a narrative study, in which he and his research team asked participants to report in-depth about a particular instance.
They used a semi-structured interview that allowed participants the freedom to describe their embarrassing stories and experiences but also provided some guidance so that the responses would be easily interpretable.
Clegg and his team discussed each of the responses, searching for common themes. The participants included undergraduates as well as people of different ages and walks of life, including a man in his 90s.
The goal was to go in-depth into the respondents’ narratives rather than to count proportions, as is done in other similar surveys. This made the findings particularly helpful in gaining an inside look into the experience of embarrassing things in social environments.
What Are the Examples of Embarrassing Situations?
“Tense or uncertain social situations were the first type of awkwardness that Clegg and his team identified,” Whitbourne said.
“These could be sudden (as when you drop or spill something) but often are ones that you expect ahead of time to be awkward. For example, Clegg described the experience of meeting the parents of one’s significant other. In general, the less you know what to expect about a situation, the more you anticipate it to be awkward. If you’re lucky, though, the situation doesn’t turn out as badly as you expected, so the awkwardness is never realized.”
Awkwardness might take the form of a perceived transgression. For instance, imagine you say or do something that goes over the boundaries of taste or propriety. (You could make a joke about someone you don't know very well but only realize after you’ve blurted out the comment that it went too far.)
It’s awkward not only to commit a social transgression like this but to also be part of a group in which these embarrassing things are done by someone else.
What Happens When You Get into an Embarrassing Situation?
“During an awkward moment, you’re likely to feel intense focusing of social attention. Time may seem too slow or stop, as in your mind (and possibly in reality), you’ve become the target of everyone’s gaze,” Whitbourne said.
"You feel anxious and embarrassed and perhaps even experience sweaty palms and heart palpitations. Although some individuals enjoy being the center of attention, particularly those high in narcissism, after committing a social transgression, the feeling that others are staring is typically uncomfortable during or following an awkward moment.”
Once you start to feel awkward, chances are that you’ll behave in ways that become even more awkward, creating even more embarrassing situations.
“Your anxiety may lead you to laugh anxiously, speak in a wavering tone of voice, look uncomfortable, and blush or stammer. At the same time, other people in the room may themselves feel an empathic kind of awkwardness. They think about what it might be like if the awkward thing happened to them but also might feel that your behavior makes them look bad. What if you bring a friend to a party, and the friend spills soda all over herself? You might be glad that at least none of it got on you, but you might also feel that everyone else will judge you as clumsy, too, because it was your friend,” the professor continued.
Clegg and his team noted that the respondents were anxious to make all of these awkward situations go away as fast as possible. As one participant stated, “I felt like the longer I let it sit, the more it would fester and just be uncomfortable and leave a bad taste in everybody’s mouth.”
How to Deal With an Embarrassing Situation?
"When you’ve committed an awkward act, there are two broad alternatives: pretend it didn’t happen (avoidance) or confront it directly,” Whitbourne highlighted.
"Comedian Chevy Chase, in his early days, was the master of launching a grand pratfall from which he jumped up and moved on as if nothing had occurred. It may be funny for a comedian to commit such a faux pas, but when it happens to you, there’s nothing humorous about it.”
In an avoidant response, you try to distance yourself from the situation by averting your gaze, or you might just simply get up and leave when the first opportunity presents itself.
Unfortunately, however, pretending something bad didn’t happen doesn't make it go away.
“You might decide that since there’s nothing you can do, it is best to forget it and move on, but at least in some people’s minds, it’s not been resolved,” Whitbourne said.
One example Clegg provides is of a young woman in a pool whose swimsuit had come off. It was one of those embarrassing moments in public, but rather than owning up to her feelings, she just swam away as quickly as possible, hoping that no one noticed (though, of course, they probably did).
