35 Times Toddlers Took Embarrassing Parents Or Nearby Adults To The Next Level, As Shared By Folks Online

Disclaimer: this was not my toddler, but a toddler said this to me while I was waiting in the grocery line: “I have a vagina and new party shoes!”

Really, what else do you need?

During a private Remembrance Day (Armistice Day) ceremony with veterans, my 3-year-old soiled her diaper. I changed her in a back room and when we came out, it was the moment of silence. She slammed the door and yelled to all the vets, “I just had a BIG poo! And it had PEANUTS in it!”

At the grocery store, my daughter, who was 2 at the time, and I were about to pass an African American lady in an aisle. At this point, she had never seen anyone with a darker skin color such as hers. She’s about 2 feet from us. So, she sees her, turns to me and *yells* (while pointing), “look Mom!!! It’s a chocolate lady!!!”. I froze for a sec, said “yes honey, isn’t she beautiful?”. She yells yes, and I practically ran away down the aisle. That poor lady was such a good sport.

BONUS. We met a man with a hook for a hand and she sprinted up to him to ask him if he was Captain Hook. *facepalm*

Luckily, he said yes and pretended to run after her.

Took my 3 year old to Disneyworld. Of course after about an hour in the park, both I and the offspring have to go to the bathroom. We head off to one of the main bathrooms right next to the castle. I let the boy go first (he performed a nice quick dump complete with the customary "Good Job" from me as we were still reinforcing the potty training mantras...) then I of course sit down and perform my own glorious #2 complete with a nice "squeaky door" fart which had the offspring in hysterics. At this point the child starts saying in a voice that can only be described as booming "GOOD JOB DADDY! YOU'RE THE BEST POOPER I KNOW!"

This of course led to chuckles from the long line of stalls populated by other fathers...The chuckles ended up turning into outright laughter...I was so proud of my pooping abilities.

Well, I'm somewhat shameless, so I clean up and go wash my hands to find that I'm now getting the nods of approval from everyone in the can who heard the interchange. I was the best pooper at disneyworld that day...and internally embarrassed and entertained at the same time.

I was in Costco and my son (who was about 5 at the time) ran up to me, grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the next aisle. “Dad! Dad! Look! Real ninjas!” Whilst pointing at two women in full Burkas

My son was 2 and thought every black man was his dad. He was away for the military a while so when we were at Boston Market he called another random stranger “daddy!!” And ran to him and hugged him. Hahaha the guy actually picked him up and said “I’m not you’re dad but hey buddy!”

I was mortified but couldn’t stop laughing.

My youngest sibling is 10+ years my junior, so I grew up with him embarrassing me in public.

The worst was around Christmas one year when we went to Walmart after going to a church service. The service was about the virgin birth and how no other virgin had ever had a baby before. My brother was probably about 4-5 at the time, so while he didn't know exactly what made someone a virgin, that service taught him virgins couldn't have babies.

Anyway, we're in the check out line and behind us is a woman who is obviously pregnant. My brother points to her and says very loudly, "Look, that lady isn't a virgin"!

Not me but my midwife.

Pregnant with second child, three year old daughter asks why mummy’s belly is so big. She’s told there’s a baby in there.

She turns to daddy and asks “do you have a baby in there too?” Dad replies gently “No, I’m just fat!”

A few days later in the checkout line and there’s a very large lady behind them in the line.

The little girl asks the lady “Do you have a baby in your tummy like my mummy?”

The lady is kind and just says no she doesn’t, to which the girl responds “oh just fat then?”

So my younger brother was 5/6 years old. My dad was coaching my basketball team (was in 7th grade) and my brother came along to hang out at the practice. Now my brother has Asperger's so of course at that age social awareness is non-existent. There are a few black kids on the team and my brother was learning about Martin Luther King Jr. as it was around the time of the holiday. So his brain is processing.

During the practice my brother is standing under the basket as we're doing lay up lines. All of a sudden as one of the black kids goes past him my brother goes, "Are you an African-American?" and my friend chuckles and goes "Uh, yeah" and my brother with a completely dead serious face and tone just goes

"I knew it."

Whole team was rolling on the floor laughing.

Not really embarrassing but my son once announced to daycare that I had died. It was a severe shock to them when I picked him up.

Now my niece once announced at a family dinner that she wanted a f**k, loudly. We all turned and looked at this little 3 year old and her mother said she'd work on speech therapy with her as she handed her daughter a FORK.

There is a man who lives in our village with no arms, Mr M. His children attended my sons nursery so he has met him many times.

We were in a packed doctors waiting room one day and Mr M came in.

Son, at full volume: Look mummy! There's Mr M that I told you about. He has no arms! Look! LOOOOK! [Pointing]

At this point the whole waiting room, in true British style, have turned their heads in the opposite direction to Mr M, and are actively trying NOT to look while similarly avoiding eye-contact with me, and the 'disrespectful small child' who draws attention to peoples disabilities.

Me: Ah yes, that is Mr M. We see him at school don't we.

Son: Yeah, he came in to talk to us one day, [oh gosh what is coming next....] he drives his car with his feet! [Please don't say more...] He is TOTALLY AWESOME!

[massive sigh of relief!] Yeah dude, he really is!

I was in target with my 4 year old boy twins. One has a nervous habit of grabbing his parts. I quietly said to him “let go, hands off dude” and he yells at the top of his lungs “BUT MAMA MY PENIS WONT GO DOWN!” I don’t think I’ve ever left target so fast.

My daughter was with me in a crowded dressing room and complimented me on my nice nipples. I could hear laughter from the other stalls.

Me and my 3 y.o were at my moms house & to get her to leave I told her, cmon we have to go home and take a shower, to make her laugh I said we need a shower because our bums are stinky

Later when we got home in a full elevator, my daughter turns to me and says, " Mom you need to shower because your bum is stinky"

I was mortified.

My mom loves to tell this story.

We were at Catholic mass. I was 2-3 years old. They ring the altar bell in mass at some point. They ring it, the church is dead quiet, and I screamed "Telephone!!!"

Four year old son was misbehaving in a store, and I told him if he didn't control himself we were going to leave. He escalated, and I picked him up and carried him through the entire store. He was surprisingly putting up little fight. As we pass the checkout lanes he loudly says "Hey mister, put me down!" I didn't hesitate, didn't make eye contact with anyone, just turned beet red and kept marching out the door.

Carrying my daughter back from the bathroom through a crowded hipster brunch spot while she shouted 'HE FARTED!!' at every single table. In case there was any confusion she was also pointing at my face.

My wife had my 3 year old at the park one day. She decided to pick up some litter to make the park look nicer so she was throwing away pop bottles, chip bags etc and he wanted to help.

He stoops to pick up some cigarette butts and my wife says leave those to mommy (she wasn't going to pick them up but didn't want him to touch them either).

A few minutes later he has gone to play. He tells another mom, "I'm finding cigarettes for mommy".

My wife was so embarrassed and said she got the dirtiest looks from near by parents who heard this.

At a fairly nice restaurant my brother was teasing my daughter, and my daughter screamed at him to stop and threatened to call him the N word.

(The N word was nipple)

My two year old and I were waiting in line at Nordstrom. She was being so quiet and so patient so I decided to reward her by purchasing a Melissa and Doug stamp set. As soon as we got to the checkout, she randomly announced to the girl that was checking us out, “Mommy has a penis.” I just stood there for a moment, expressionless, wondering where in the f**k that came from before I finally said, “yeah...I don’t.” The lady just stared at me, forced a smile and replied “have a nice day.”

We’ve also been talking a lot about my pregnancy and wondering whether the baby is a boy or girl. Somehow that must have raised some questions in my daughter’s head because she announced to daycare that “daddy decided he wants to be a girl so he is going to become a girl.” Daycare never mentioned it until our daughter told us this at dinner one night and we about died. Asked the teacher if she had, in fact, stated that...her teacher said, “yes, she did. It seemed sensitive so obviously we didn’t want to mention it.” (My husband is NOT transitioning).

Ahh, kids. Love them.