O, Dwight, however much we love you! Thine quirks, thine wisdom, thine unmatched grit! Thou art probably the greatest TV series character ever that gives us, the socially ungraceful introverts, at least a smidgen of bravery in being as non-conforming as we like to be. Well, you might’ve gotten the gist by now - we cannot get enough of Dwight Kurt Schrute III, and he’s at the very top of our list of the most beloved fictional characters ever. And thus, we’ve created a whole list of Dwight Schrute quotes and now are sharing it with you!
Unlike the rest of The Office characters, Dwight is much more multi-layered. In fact, although he’s probably the weirdest person you’ve ever met on screen due to the complexity of his character, Dwight’s also probably the most real of them all. And just read some of his wise quotes! All of his phrases will make you laugh the hardest but will also carry a message about dignity, authenticity, bravery, and loyalty. You know, the things that make humans human. And did we mention that some of them are just hilariously funny quotes? We did? Well, no harm in repeating it, then.
Now, prepare yourself beetroot tartar to go with these wonderful quotes - a combo to die for! Once you’re done reading them, give the best ones your vote, and if you’d like a bit more, then read our The Office quotes article, too! Oh, and also, don’t forget to share these funny Dwight Schrute quotes with anyone who seems to be a bit down these days - it will surely improve their disposition!
#1
“I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.”
Unknown
Report27points
#2
"I love escorting people. In fact, a few years back, I put an ad in the paper starting an escort service. I got a lot of responses. Mostly creeps. Made a few friends."
Unknown
Report23points
#3
"Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing."
Unknown
Report22points
#4
"People underestimate the power of nostalgia. Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck."
Unknown
Report22points
#5
"R is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it murder and not muckduck."
Unknown
Report21points
#6
Michael Scott: “Why do you have a diary?” Dwight: “To keep secrets from my computer.”
Unknown
Report19points
#7
“If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.”
Unknown
Report19points
#8
"Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so actually, Jim is my enemy..."
Unknown
Report18points
#9
"There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying. The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hands, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately, I spoke to Oscar on the phone, so none of this is useful."
Unknown
Report18points
#10
“Do I have a date for Valentine’s Day? Yes. February 14th.”
Unknown
Report17points
#11
"When I first met Pam, she said something that slightly rubbed me the wrong way. Since then I've loved working with Pam and she's frankly wonderful, but I hate her."
Unknown
Report17points
#12
"Who is Justice Beaver?"
Unknown
Report16points
#13
"In the wild, there is no healthcare. In the wild healthcare is 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me, and I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead."
Unknown
Report14points
#14
“You only live once? False. You live every day. You only die once.”
Unknown
Report14points
#15
"There’s too many people on this earth. We need a new plague."
Unknown
Report13points
#16
"I am fast. To give you a reference point, I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… and a panther."
Unknown
Report13points
#17
"I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same. Except I could fly."
Unknown
Report13points
#18
"I am better than you have ever been or ever will be."
Unknown
Report13points
#19
"Not everything is a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail."
Unknown
Report13points
#20
"Always the Padawan, never the Jedi."
Unknown
Report12points