American Logic: 81 Times People Were Completely Confident And Wrong

I’m Canadian. I used to work for a call centre that took calls from all over North America.
I would have Americans call in all the time and ask if I was Canadian (I guess I have an accent).

“How cold is it up there right now? It’s like always snowy, right?”

“It’s pretty warm today, it’s around 21°.”

“Oh wow, that’s freezing, how do y’all survive?”

“Oh, no. 21° Celsius”

“Huh?”

“21° Celsius, that’s about 70° Fahrenheit”

“Uh huh. So why not just say 70? Speak American.”



I was also, separately, asked if we all lived in Igloos.

Me joking with my friend, who has a graduate degree in geological engineering. Me, “boats aren’t natural, things aren’t suppose to float on water. Name me one natural thing that floats on water, permanently.” Him…complete seriousness- “islands.”

I've met more than 1 American on vacation who genuinely thought Canada was an American state.

I’m English and now live in the US. I’ve been asked loads of stupid questions but the worst ones have been.
1) Was is hard to learn English when you moved to the US?
2) How long does it take to drive there?

That Jamaica (my home country) was owned by America.

We were a colony of Spain, then England, America never owned us.....

My brother (were also americans ) believed spaghetti was invented here in america. i tried telling him no it was literally made by italians that brought it here to the states to share with us. he told me no and let me guess you believe chicken alfredo is also italian.

I took Intro to American Politics in college. On the first day of class, the instructor was going over the syllabus, and pointed to a map of the United States. Instructor explained that she'd expect us to know where all the states were. Girl raises her hand and says "umm... I didn't even know we were looking at a map of the United States..?" Girl never showed up to class again. I guess being American and knowing where each state is located, is way too hard...

"Do you speak Asian?".

I live in Alaska. I get asked about “returning to the states” frequently.

When I was living in Italy I visited Venice with some friends. We overheard an American tourist getting really upset that one of the Mime (which is what my friend called them even though the actual translation should be *mimi*) was following him around. Which is what they do. They follow you around, waving their jars at you making strange noises and begging for money.

He wanted to see their manager. He was under the impression that Venice was one large theme park and that the Mime were hired like Goofy at Disneyland.

I'm American and my American ex once asked me how much fat is in fat free pudding. Then got mad when I repeated his question back to him slowly lol.

I was telling an in law about “the eye” that was being built in Orlando Florida several years ago and they asked if you could see England from the top of the ride. Oy.

I was at a Minnesota Twins game, and this Minnesotan couple was stunned that we played baseball in Canada.

1: Minnesota is literally next to Canada. It's not that different.


2: The husband was wearing a Justin Morneau jersey. Justin Morneau is Canadian.

In college I worked at Papa John’s. They had some younger kids on the phones. We were all chatting for a minute during some downtime and one of the phone girls saw me pull out my wallet to grab some cash for a drink.

She looks at me…”why do you have a wallet?”

“…to…keep my money in it?…”.

I once said Canadian was a language.

On a very exclusive expedition to watch a total solar eclipse in the Libyan desert. In Libya. In 2006, with Gaddafi in power.
We crossed the desert on a 4WD caravan for a whole day. We entered the border incognito and kept driving into one of the most remote deserts in the world. Participants were coming from all over Europe; one retired lady came from the US. It was a super unique event. All total solar eclipses are, but this was like the eclipse of the century.

We arrived at a spot that we decided would be far enough from everything and good enough for us. No human being was probably alive on the nearest 400 km in any direction. We had done it that far to have an experience of a lifetime. The moon had already covered over 90% of the sun disc but the desert light was still very bright.

We stopped the caravan and boom here's the first blunder coming from Lady Dumbness's mouth:

"Where are we supposed to look at now?"

Well, we all thought that couldn' be topped. Bad guess. After the eclipse had finished, we were all pretty speechless. It was more impressive than any of us was expecting. A Spanish guy decided to record the moment. He took a piece of cardboard and wrote Libya 2006. He fastened the sign to a piece of wood, stuck it on the ground and asked everyone to join in for a group picture.

Lady Dumbness hadn't noticed what the Spaniard had done, so when she saw the sign, she utterd in awe:

"Wow! What are the odds of finding that sign here and now?"

TL;DR - Lady Dumbness went to watch a total solar eclipse prepared with the entire knowledge of a 7th Century 5-year old child. BC.

I recall my then sister in law coming back from a visit to the states. They had been talking about a stat holiday in Canada. May long weekend ( the queens birthday). In Canada it is often called May Long, everyone knows what your talking about. One of the Americans wondered why we celebrated a Vietnamese holiday.

I was talking with a guy from Atlanta. He asked me where do I live, so I told him that I live in Poland, Zakopane. He didn’t hear about the city. I explained that is popular tourist place and we call it a winter capital city of Poland. Then he was schocked and asked: “do you change your capital every season?”.

Went to the pet store to buy frozen rats for my snake. Woman at the register asked “what kind of snake do you have?”. “A ball python”, I said. She looked at me confused and said “They eat rats?”… I looked at her for a second and said “Yes…”. She then tried to tell me that she had a ball python too.

I was on a tour in Naples, italy. Some of my family flew from Mexico to meet us there. The hide asked them where they were from. When my aunt answered, “Mexico,” the guide said, “I love South America.”