Creating a family is an important and responsible step in one’s life. And a person shouldn’t be pressured into doing it when they aren’t ready, right?
Well, in today’s story, we have a man who doesn’t feel ready to be a married father but feels a heavy pressure to become one from his girlfriend’s parents.
More info: Reddit
What do you do when you do not feel ready to create a family, but you feel pressured into it?
Image credits: Marina Abrosimova (not the actual photo)
A man got his new girlfriend pregnant and now her parents are pressuring him to marry her, even though they aren't even in love
Image credits: Ömürden Cengiz (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/ScaleProfessional574
The girlfriend's father even offered to pay for the wedding, but the OP still doesn't feel that it's right to get married when there's no love
A man got his girlfriend pregnant only 3 months into their relationship. They trusted her birth control, so they didn’t use a condom. They said that they were both pro-choice and that in case of accidental pregnancy, she would have an abortion.
But after the accidental pregnancy actually happened, the girlfriend changed her mind and decided to keep the baby. The OP confessed that he wasn’t happy with it, but since it’s her body, he didn’t have a say.
The girlfriend’s parents are very traditional. Additionally, her dad is quite well-known in his community and even has a Wikipedia page. And so, the parents are pressuring the couple into marriage. The father even offered to buy a ring, pay for the wedding, and give them $100K for the married life.
The problem is that the OP is not particularly interested in being married at all. That is because he didn’t have stable marriage examples throughout his life. And if he did want to get married, he’s pretty sure that it wouldn’t be to his current girlfriend. They simply have not been together long enough and he doesn’t feel in love, even though she’s a great person.
At first, the girlfriend felt the same, but now her mind has changed on the marriage matter as well. The OP thinks it’s because her parents convinced her to not have a child out of wedlock.
And so, the man turned to Reddit to ask if he was wrong for feeling icky about this whole situation.
For an expert's insight, Bored Panda reached out to relationship expert Dr. Betsy Chung. You should check out her website.
Talking about the couple's situation from the Reddit story, she commented that there are a lot of important things that they must consider. They could go to couple’s therapy to openly discuss their feelings about pregnancy. Also, the woman should consider that there’s a possibility of her becoming a single mother since the man isn’t thrilled about the possibility of becoming a married father.
She said that people rushing into a marriage due to pregnancy can have negative consequences. Marriage is quite a big step and rushing into it because of any reason can become quite a big stressor. “The beginning phases of a relationship allow couples to learn about each other, find ways to get along, and work through difficulties, which will prepare them to handle bigger stressors later in the relationship. Without those tools, couples may struggle to work through issues which may cause both to be unhappy or lose faith in their relationship.”
Image credits: Beatriz Perez Moya (not the actual photo)
According to Dr. Betsy, when a couple with kids is making decisions about their relationship, they must make sure that the children feel safe. They have to feel confident that their parents are going to be there for them, even if their relationship breaks. “Parental conflict has a tendency to disturb a child's sense of security because they're not sure whether an angry parent may result in losing the relationship with that parent. So if co-parents want to keep their child's best interest in mind, they should always strive to have a healthy working relationship and not allow their personal conflicts to impact their child's sense of safety.”
She added that it’s completely OK to have disagreements, but they should avoid talking poorly about each other in front of a child.
When it is decided that a marriage path is not the right for the couple, parents still must ensure their children's stability and safety. And they must work together to find a parenting approach that works for their situation, so the child isn’t confused. “It doesn't mean that parents must always agree on everything; however, they must be willing to work together to provide consistent values and expectations for their child. When children are not provided uniform expectations and values, they struggle to develop a stable sense of self and values from which to lead their life.”
Circling back to the story, we can almost surely say that the OP isn’t the only person in the world who has found themselves in this kind of situation. For example, almost half of the pregnancies that happened in 2022 were unplanned. It was around a total of 121 million pregnancies.
There are a variety of factors that contribute to unplanned pregnancies. The first one is kind of on the nose - lack of sexual and reproductive health care and education. The second is too - lack of usage of contraceptives or ineffective contraceptives.
Then come poor laws controlling women's fertility, sexual violence, poverty, and even gender inequality.
So, such high rates of unplanned pregnancies just prove our point that it is more than likely that the OP isn’t the only one who has been pressured into marrying someone due to pregnancy.
Furthermore, the comment section under the post just adds proof to our claims. There’s a person there who shared that they have been in this kind of situation and how their situation concluded. Others shared that they think he should get a prenup if he ends up marrying her. And get a DNA test, to make sure the baby is his. Overall, most of the commentators were sure that the OP is not wrong for not wanting to marry someone he doesn’t love.
"Pregnancy is not a reason to get married" was the decision of the folks online
