“Is There Any Real Benefit In Marriage For Women?”: 50 Honest Answers People Didn’t Hold Back On

So stop. Pick one small, tiny, to stop doing today. And just see what happens. Then in a week, scale something else back.


My BIGGEST mental victory was last year when I told my husband in the summer that I would not be doing anything for Christmas. And then I didnt. 


For context, my mom has been sick for years and I am exhausted. We do not have kids. My family does not celebrate Christmas. For 15 years, I have bought all the gifts for this parents, his sister, our nieces and nephews on his side, plus decorations and everything else. I told him I can't last year, and then I didnt. And I didnt check up once. He did what he needed to do, and he did it badly and I didnt care. It was so freeing.


But it didn't start there. It started with laundry years ago. I do my clothes and sheets and towels. He does his own clothes. Pathetic that he cant think to wash towels. So.... I stopped washing just his bath towel a couple years ago. Just his. I throw my towels in with my clothes. I don't know if his towel gets washed. Ever. It snowballs from there. Give it a try and see where you end up. .

There’s a reasons when the question “how does marriage benefit men” gets posted in the men subreddit they answer “it doesn’t because of divorce”.

That’s the point. For men, LOSING marriage is the worst thing that can happen. For women, being in one has few benefits.

Church can be an incubator of toxic marriages. Women are conditioned to endure loveless marriages and men are praised for giving the bare minimum.

I used to be heavily involved in church and ministry and it was appalling to see women doing most of the work and men doing nothing but at the same time being praised as leaders. 

The other issue was that I found men in the church to be lazy. They may work but they were fine with letting their wives do everything else and they did not feel obligated to much more than that. They were also lazy emotionally and did not put in work for their marriage.

I was married.

I’m now single and 16 weeks pregnant through IVF and happier than I’ve ever been.

I’ve personally found exponentially more value and benefit from being unmarried.

You have this one life and we’re halfway through it. Live it how best brings you joy.

The older I get, the more I wonder about this.

My marriage is fine. I do most of the childcare and mental load bc my husband is busy working himself to the bone. Yes I’d like to have more family and leisure time with him, but he keeps us financially secure and is building generational wealth for our kids.

However, I feel like some women would be much better off being alone. Especially once the kids are out of the house.

It depends on who you marry. I married my best friend in the whole wide world and being with him is a delight. We have fun doing errands together, of all things. We try new restaurants for date night or get our old favorites. We cuddle every night and he always tucks me in before I go to sleep. I am the kid schlepper and primary driver but he almost always makes our dinner and does laundry since he works from home, plus we share the household chore load since we consider each other partners. There is no head of household, we make decisions together. We also nag each other when one of us is being Bull-headed about not going to the doctor or avoiding exercise because we feel lazy. 😅

But this is my 2nd marriage. My first held no benefit to me because I married the wrong man who did not love me. The only benefit I got was my kids and my dog.

I also question this.

My kids aren't close to leaving the house yet but honestly, I think I should have chosen the "single forever" lifestyle back in my late 20's/early 30's. I think I would have been happier without getting married.

I don't regret having my kids and I love them so much but being in a marriage isn't all that's c*****d up to be and I would advise anybody who is considering marriage to really think long and hard, listen to both sides of the story.

If you're not willing to divorce/separate, then you need to start cultivating your own "life" especially as the kids leave the house. Find things that you're passionate about and rediscover your own person again.

I think what you're feeling is very common for women of our age.

It's why I preach to younger women all the time—well, not all the time but whenever it comes up— to not put yourself in the situation of doing everything. One day you'll look around, be resentful, and dream of unburdening yourself, even if your husband is an otherwise nice guy that you get along with really well.

What a lot of people don't realize early on is that in a relationship, if you're the first one to do a task, that job is now yours forever if you aren't careful. Women are often happy to do things initially, especially if they are staying home with children, but them it just becomes the norm.

So if any young women are reading this, if you've stayed at home with kids for a few years, and then you go back to work, please, for your future self, immediately renegotiate all of the household and childcare duties with your husband. Make a chart if you have to, but don't continue doing everything for everyone.

I am married to a great man and we don’t have kids, and because of this thing I live a very soft life. My husband adores me and buys me a bunch of stuff for the house lol. I also work and we live very comfortably.

Marriage was definitely beneficial for me.

Start doing some thing for yourself as if you are living alone.

The family dynamic will shift. And it will express the true leader in the home. (Who will address it, provide support and solutions)(kids will see it and might address it and help, understand, ignore, cast blame)

With this insight for yourself- you can determine is this really how life will be? Do you like it? Is there more of you to evolve into?

I personally watched in my childhood family dynamics. And steered away from traditional life. At times, very few- I was bummed. But I love that I don’t feel stuck. Just bored, when I am bored.

Good luck. Trial run. More self time, more communication.

I was widowed young and have since remarried. The mental load and responsibilities of marriage don't bother me anymore, because the emotions of losing a partner in life is far greater than any burden of having those responsibilities. It sounds like you are experiencing some burnout. Is it possible to take some time away for a vacation alone? Or are there ways to delegate some of the mental load onto others in your family to help ease the struggle?

I'm 42 and married for 18 years, together for 21 years. I cannot imagine living apart because he is my absolute best friend and the love of my life and I still feel the way I did about him when we met, and I feel very confident he feels the same in return.

For me, being married is about sharing an entire life with my very best friend and feeling safe, secure and loved at all times. I suppose that's possible without being married but I definitely wouldn't want anything to change.

I think you have to do some deep soul searching as to whether you really want to be with him anymore, and if you don't, you don't have to be. You have freedom and you have agency and your life is yours to do what you want with it - don't spend it with someone who isn't your best friend and the love of your life, in my opinion. At the end of the day you have to feel like being married is significantly improving your life.

Can I ask if you ever felt like he was your best friend / love of your life? Did he ever make your life better in all regards? Did something change? If so, what, and have you talked to him about it? Like really deep talking where he understands the fact that he could lose you if things don't change.

I love being married (I've been with my husband 14 years). Just looking at practical side, not being in love and intangible benefits like that - I like travelling so it's nice to have my husband along to share all the trips as we both enjoy it. The housework is split 50/50 into areas (we don't share chores and instead have our own) so 50% of things I just never need to think about at all and it just gets done. We have double the income but some bills are fixed regardless of how many people in the house so things are cheaper. I can have s*x basically when I want and I know it will be good and safe. When s**t goes wrong I have someone to look after me (I just spent two months unable to walk due to surgery so the house got looked after and my meals cooked for me). I've always got someone around to talk to (I've got lots of friends as well but it's nice to have someone physically present to chat to every day as well).

I have noticed that parenting is where women often shoulder most of the responsibility but I'm a step parent so whilst I helped out and was a support, my husband had all the difficult jobs in that area (kids are adults now).

Overall it will depend on who you end up married to if it's a benefit or not.

I d like to offer a different perspective.

I am 50 single and never been married. I am desperately unhappy. I am so tired of being single and alone. I would give my left arm to be married. To have someone to talk to, to do things with, to cuddle with. Someone to love and love you.

People who have been married always say it isn’t worth it that you don’t need to be married to be happy. But they haven’t lived the long term pain of being single. Being single long term is horrific.

People say oh just make some friends, it can take the place of it. But it doesn’t, I know.

There are a ton of benefits to marriage, that almost everyone discounts.

I married someone who makes me feel like I won in life. We both work, we both share household chores, we both cook, and we both take care of each other. When I hear married women talk about this ‘mental load’ I’m honestly not sure what that even encompasses. I’ve never felt like I’m going more of anything in our marriage, we also don’t have kids so maybe it’s more of a thing for mothers?

I very much have benefited from my marriage, and so has he. He’s my partner in life.

My marriage ended a few weeks after our 22 anniversary.

My life is better than ever.

No interest in another man in my life.

I have marveled at the ability of some of these women who have told their stories to tolerate what they tolerate in order to remain in a marriage. There are risks and rewards to single life just as there are to married, The burden is so much lighter, but the risk is also much more severe. If you can mitigate the risk, the reward is amazing. You might want to let your husband know your plans for retirement so he can make his. ✌🏽.

I mean this is a very personal question that it sounds like you need to decide for yourself. My spouse isn't perfect, and 17 years in I can't say we are "in love" like before the kids were born, but I still value him as a companion and partner and yes, in terms of s*x drive we're still a pretty good match. I definitely juggle a lot of b***s too and I'm sad about our kids growing up but I also like envisioning the day when the kids are in college and he and I can have dates and travel again on our own. I want us to be at our 40th anniversary and the young people think we're cute because we're still nice to each other and not crabby about our partner the way so many boomers are. 


Your marriage long term is another thing like your kids, your career, your finances, your health and friendships, that you need to invest in and take care of. Leaving it on autopilot too long and it can get off track. And you have to choose whether you value that.

I value my marriage because I’m married to my best friend and have a partner who shares similar values. We both want to make things better for each other and that has been key in sharing the load. I have a chronic illness and my husband cares for me and carries the load when I can’t and vice versa when he’s overwhelmed.
Without a true partnership? No, then marriage becomes a constraint instead of a benefit.
Honestly I wouldn’t have been able to marry anyone with a patriarchal mindset. They aren’t interested in partnership.
Start weaning off juggling the load for him and see if you can schedule time away alone. Even just in a hotel or campground for a week doing something for yourself - journaling, art, whatever makes you happy. Even with my happy marriage, I crave time to myself to replenish and listen to what only I want and need for a bit. Now is the time for you to start to figure out what you want the second half of your life to be like.

I’m in a similar position to you. He’s more of a companion, but we are only 10 years in with young kids. Even in terms of companion, when I think about it is he that great? He’s cheated on me twice. I ask him to do more housework and he gets very defensive because he *checks notes* mows the lawn and does periodic maintenance on our cars. I make more money than him and have potential to earn more and yet our lives have to mold around -his- job.

You asked if it’s a stage - if you are fantasizing about him cheating on you so you can leave guilt free that feels more like you finally have enough breathing room to see your reality. Take care of you. Much love.