51 Ridiculous Lies Patients Told Doctors Thinking They’d Get Away With It

Paediatrician here. Toddlers aren’t brilliant liars. About an hour ago:

“Did you put the bead in your nose?”

2yo: No!

“So where is the bead from this bracelet?”

2yo: I don’t know!

*2 minutes later, after extracting said bead from said nose*

“How did this get up there?”

2yo: [thinks for a bit]… Bluey put it there!


…. Repeat ad infinitum.

“I only had one drink.”

Sir was trying to fight the hospital curtain 10 seconds later.

“Do you smoke?”

“No, I quit”

“Congratulations that’s great, how long ago did you quit?”

“This morning”.

“I have no idea why my child’s bottom is bruised”, “I have no idea how my baby got a femur fracture from me putting them to bed”

Yeah ok 🙄.

Not a doctor but my BFF is a surgeon and his #1 peeve is people lying and saying they "didn't eat before surgery". They eventually confesses when he scares it out of them then has to cancel their surgeries.

I don't know the specifics but apparently eating before surgery can be fatal.

Not a patient, but his wife.


Her answer to basically every single question I asked was 'I don't know' or 'I never noticed anything before today'.


Her husband came in, because he'd fallen with his bicycle. No corners he missed, no other cyclists he had to go around, just basic flat Dutch cycling path and he just fell without any reason to do so. Landed on all fours, 0 signs of him hitting his head.


Turned out it wasn't the first time, but the 4th time in 2 months time. That was the only proper answer I got from her.


The husband was mostly talking absolute nonsense, couldn't walk in a straight line without help and couldn't even walk 3m without me having to grab his arm or he'd fall over and he was showing lots of other issues during the neurological exam. Only scrapes and bruises were on his knees and feet.


The lovely wife just kept on knitting and ignoring me or giving me the BS answers.


The guy had a braintumour the size of a lemon, but sure, not a single issue before he fell earlier that day.

During Covid we did a lot of telemedicine. People were used to just living their life on video anyway and it was pretty surreal. I'd have to ask people perhaps not to be getting dressed in their walk-in closet while we were trying to do a visit, things like that

My favorite was asking someone how much he's currently drinking and he told me that he stopped drinking a long time ago. He was in his bedroom, sitting on his bed, surrounded by bottles of beer and liquor. Some half empty, most empty, some glasses with leftover beer and what not. So I asked him how to explain the "late on a Saturday night bar tableau," and he said oh well that was just one time because it was just my birthday. I had to explain that I'm looking at his chart and his birthday was like 10 months ago.

Oh, it’s always the classic lie about not smoking when the smell of cigarettes is practically burning my nose and eyes from the moment I walk in the room. “My roommate smokes,” they say with nicotine-stained fingernails.

A woman in the emergency department with intermittent abdominal pain and a distended abdomen. Arrived with her girlfriend. Insists that she can’t be pregnant as they are a same-s*x couple and no recent male s****l partners. She gave birth to a preterm baby 2 hours later.

Not a doctor - I was in preop interviewing a patient before his surgery. I asked if he had anything to eat today and he said “no”. When I pointed out that he was covered in food trash and crumbs (rice, etc) he started picking at the food on his chest and eating it.

I used to work newborn nursery and the number of moms who would swear up and down they’d never touched a d**g in their entire life and then baby tests positive for c*****e or m**h or whatever…

Also loved in the ER the number of straight edge virgins with +urine for pregnancy and d***s

Parents who bring in their kid with seizures and swear the kid has never missed a dose of their medicine and the blood level in the kid is zero*

Had a dad get mad the ER doc was taking photos of his kids bruises and said “back in my day we would just say kids play rough but now everybody thinks you’re hurting your child!” ER doc: uhhh. He’s three months old. And the bruise is on his eyelid.

Not a doctor myself but I wonder if a pharmacist might comment on me. I had a good friend who was terrified to purchase the morning after pill, we have one pharmacy in town and let's just say she knows people who work there. I was happy to buy it for her but I didnt think it through. I was 9 months pregnant. The tech looked at me and said she needed to ask the pharmacist, who came over and also looked at me and said are you pregnant? I said uhhh no, then I turned around and left.

Had a young patient prepared for hernia surgery. He has tobacco stained teeth and breath so I asked how many packs? He denied smoking. Asked if he was theoretically smoking would he tell his parents?( he was around 16). He admitted to be smoking a pack a day but insisted that I didn't mention it to his parents.

I tried to explain to his parents that their kid is experiencing some youth stereotypical behaviour (gently delivering smoking idea) and before I can say anything about smoking, the father interrupted and told me "Doc is this related to his smoking?" I was like "so, you knew?!". His response is where I lost it, he said "we knew for a few months but we couldn't face him with it. Please explain to him how dangerous smoking is" I was like 💀.

The most obvious lie? Had a patient tell me, in preop, before a surgery for which he was supposed to be fasting, “I haven’t had anything to eat or drink today.”

His mouth was absolutely rimmed in powdered sugar. There was a donut bag sticking out of his bag. Pretty freaking obvious.

Neither my mom nor my siblings would ever tell how much my dad drank when he was admitted to the hospital for stuff like pneumonia or strokes.

The doctors would think he was reacting to some of the d***s he got when it was actually the DTs.

I kind of made it my mission to make sure the medical staff knew about his drinking when he got admitted once I realized no one else was talking.

He’s been gone 11 years now.

I had a patient who came asking after some bloodwork. He wanted to have his testosteron levels checked. Mind you, this guy was swole as hell. As in he can't reach his back with his arms because he's got so much muscles. Of Is had checked his balls they probably would have been the size of marbles. So I already knew exactly what was going on.

He "just wanted to known how his levels were because he felt a bit tired lately". So I asked him if he ever used anabolic steroids. Of course he denied this, many of the guys at his gym did but he would never etc.

Before I took his blood I literally told him that if he took any steroids, I would see it. Still he held on he never used any.

So I took his blood and, who would have guessed it, almost no endogenic testosteron and suppression of other related hormones.

So I called him, told him what I found and again asked if he used steroids. He kept saying no. I explained him that he really should come clean if he did and that it wasn't a big deal, I just have to know. If not, I had no other option then to refer him to an endocrinologist.

He kept denying up until they endocrinologist who really called him out on his b******t.

A quite common one, when being asked if they have any medical conditions (and I often give examples like diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.), and they say none, only to be followed by a long long list of medications for these same conditions and several others when asked if they take any medications..

That they take their medication as prescribed consistently and have never missed a dose, or never missed more than one or two days. I even ask this question in a way that normalizes missing doses because that’s reality. A shocking number just insist they’re perfectly compliant.

The problem is that I can see when a script was filled, know the count dispensed both because it’s in the record and because I wrote the rx, and I know how to count.

Ultimately, I just started referring to this as, “patient math”, which works differently than regular math. In patient math, a 30-day script confidently claimed to be taken as prescribed perfectly somehow can last well beyond 30 days. Who knew.

Obligatory not a doctor. Worked in a NICU as a tech a long time ago. 


Lady insists she rushed in her baby (with obvious congenital issues) to hospital RIGHT after home birth. Definitely didn't wait with it! What kind of a mother would wait around while her baby needed urgent medical attention?


Baby was at least one month old, dressed in a little outfit with a ribbon on her head. Lady had her hair and makeup perfectly done, too. There were no previous medical records on the child. No birth certificate. Nothing.


The baby survived, but the social worker said there's not much she could do to intervene with the situation.

My clinician friend had a patient who was being seen for a medication abortion tell them that she had NEVER had s*x or anything close to it.

Yes, they talked about what an abortion was for, signed all consents, etc but was adamant they had NEVER had s*x.

I think it was a cultural thing.