“I just ate the toothpaste, will I be okay?” When it comes to asking doctors questions, most of us don’t shy away from asking even the tiniest things. After all, when you’re worried about your health, there’s really no such thing as a question that’s too small. But every now and then, people manage to come up with questions or situations that leave even experienced doctors wondering how they got there in the first place.
That’s exactly what happened in a Reddit thread where doctors were asked to share some of the dumbest patients they had ever encountered. From hilariously obvious questions to decisions that probably should have involved a little more common sense, the stories had plenty of people laughing—and occasionally shaking their heads in disbelief. Keep reading, Pandas, to find out what doctors had to say about some of their most unforgettable patients.
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#21
Had a patient who was convinced that drinking grape juice with baking soda was helping him fight prostate cancer.
"But your cancer is actually getting worse."
Him: "I'm gonna stick with my plan, I really feel like it's helping."
Edit: Yes, it is kind of like Steve Jobs. You can all stop replying that now, because we all get it.
"But your cancer is actually getting worse."
Him: "I'm gonna stick with my plan, I really feel like it's helping."
Edit: Yes, it is kind of like Steve Jobs. You can all stop replying that now, because we all get it.
16points
#22
Had a marine once who came to me complaining of a rash to his right forearm c 2 weeks. This was his first visit for the issue, and hadn't had anything like this before and was worried, since he reported worsening symptoms since initial onset.
When asking about prior skin issues, he told me he had ring worm just prior to THIS rash.
Look at his arm, it looked like a mild second degree chemical burn in a rather circular shape, with blisters on the edges. What got me was the exact definition in the burn edge. Asking the young LCPL how he got that he replied:
" well that's the burn I got from the bleach I poured on my arm".
When I asking him WHY he poured bleach on his arm:
"Well how else was I going to get rid of the ringworm?".
When asking about prior skin issues, he told me he had ring worm just prior to THIS rash.
Look at his arm, it looked like a mild second degree chemical burn in a rather circular shape, with blisters on the edges. What got me was the exact definition in the burn edge. Asking the young LCPL how he got that he replied:
" well that's the burn I got from the bleach I poured on my arm".
When I asking him WHY he poured bleach on his arm:
"Well how else was I going to get rid of the ringworm?".
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15points
And then there's your heart, one of the hardest-working organs in your entire body. An average adult heart beats roughly 100,000 times a day, which works out to more than 36 million beats a year. Over a typical lifespan, that can add up to well over 2.5 billion heartbeats, depending on factors such as your resting heart rate and how long you live. Think about that the next time you feel your heartbeat—it has been quietly doing its job thousands of times every day, without you having to consciously tell it what to do. It's one of those everyday things we rarely think about until we stop to appreciate just how remarkable it really is.
#23
Had a 70 year old female come in with a broken rib and clavicle after falling. Tells me her only medications are insulin and Tums. While taking her history she seems off. She's acting confused, her voice is deep, her face is swollen and she's had been having balance problems, textbook hypothyroidism. Turns out she had her thyroid removed a year ago. When I asked her if she was taking any medications for that she tells me "Yes, the Tums, I need the calcium for my thyroid." Where she came up with the idea that tums were a great substitute for your thyroid I will never know. Needless to say she left with a new synthroid Rx.
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15points
#24
I'm one of those idiots who went to the ER because of something minor. One of my ears closed and I couldn't hear out of it. Apparently, it's one of the symptoms for an allergy I have and it'll go away after a day or two. The doctor told me that and let me out the back door so that way I didn't have to pay for that ER visit. LOL.
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15points
#25
We had a woman that went through 3 hospitalizations for diabetic ketoacidosis in 6 weeks. Her glucose was up to 1100.
Her explanation is that she didn't like her endocrinologist, so she refused to go back.
Her explanation is that she didn't like her endocrinologist, so she refused to go back.
14points
#26
We had a patient come in for theatre. When asked if she'd followed the fasting instructions she said yes but luckily the nurse didn't believe her. With some prodding the patient eventually confessed to having 6 chocolate bars and an orange juice for breakfast. Obviously the surgery was delayed.
13points
Ultimately, the human body is far more complicated (and fascinating) than most of us realize. We may know the basics about bones, blood, muscles, and organs, but there are countless strange little details hiding beneath the surface that many of us don't know. Coming back to today's post, the questions and things people shared highlight just how much we can misunderstand about our own bodies. Some are genuinely surprising, while others are bizarre, or downright confusing. Which one of these shocked you the most, Pandas?
#27
Not a doctor, but as an Army medic, I have had some dumb patients.
One of the first guys I treated got really bad road rash from a motorcycle crash and decided to treat it himself by pouring whiskey on it. By the time he came to the medics, it was pretty bad and I had to do debridement with a scrub brush: basically scrubbing the bad parts off with plastic bristles. He was in a lot of pain and I was trying not to laugh at him.
A lot of people don't respect medics at all even when we are very good at our jobs. One guy came in with fluid filled bumps on a red base around his mouth-textbook herps. I asked him if it was his first herpes outbreak and he started yelling at me for saying he had herpes. He refused to listen to anything else I said and asked for the PA, who took one look at him and asked if it was his first herpes outbreak.
We once had a guy who had the tip of his finger amputated. His first question was, 'will this grow back?"
One guy had a sore back, and while I was doing the physical exam, he said, "Doc, my spine is curved (it wasn't). That's why my nose is crooked."
Medics all have lots of fun stories.
One of the first guys I treated got really bad road rash from a motorcycle crash and decided to treat it himself by pouring whiskey on it. By the time he came to the medics, it was pretty bad and I had to do debridement with a scrub brush: basically scrubbing the bad parts off with plastic bristles. He was in a lot of pain and I was trying not to laugh at him.
A lot of people don't respect medics at all even when we are very good at our jobs. One guy came in with fluid filled bumps on a red base around his mouth-textbook herps. I asked him if it was his first herpes outbreak and he started yelling at me for saying he had herpes. He refused to listen to anything else I said and asked for the PA, who took one look at him and asked if it was his first herpes outbreak.
We once had a guy who had the tip of his finger amputated. His first question was, 'will this grow back?"
One guy had a sore back, and while I was doing the physical exam, he said, "Doc, my spine is curved (it wasn't). That's why my nose is crooked."
Medics all have lots of fun stories.
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13points
#28
Dentist here. I had a patient a few years ago who could not understand how she had gum disease on her upper teeth. She though gravity would pull all the bacteria down onto her lower teeth, leaving her top teeth plaque free.
12points
#29
R leg necrotic with maggots. Has been this way for >30 days. Wrapped t-shirts around the leg, and when the outer layer was soaked with pus they threw another one on top. He finally called 911 for shortness of breath. He passed from septic shock.
"My breath smells like trichomonas"
Pt gets told she required urgent surgery after a bad home-birth, give her instructions including nothing to eat. Walk in to bring her to the OR and she's scarfing down burger king, tries to hide it after she sees me.
Pt is informed to begin taking Eliquis IMMEDIATELY (anticoagulant, they just got a cardiac stent placed) and told the risks of delaying taking that medication. The pharmacy was out of it for the weekend, she comes in 3 days later with "the same chest pain as before, I thought you fixed me, is my doctor stupid?" MI.
"My breath smells like trichomonas"
Pt gets told she required urgent surgery after a bad home-birth, give her instructions including nothing to eat. Walk in to bring her to the OR and she's scarfing down burger king, tries to hide it after she sees me.
Pt is informed to begin taking Eliquis IMMEDIATELY (anticoagulant, they just got a cardiac stent placed) and told the risks of delaying taking that medication. The pharmacy was out of it for the weekend, she comes in 3 days later with "the same chest pain as before, I thought you fixed me, is my doctor stupid?" MI.
11points
#30
I had a patient who came to the emergency department vomiting so much I had to admit him for intravenous fluids. I took the usual history, including what he'd eaten recently - nothing out of the ordinary. A few hours later, he calls me over. 'Doctor.... I did eat some chicken and rice earlier. My girlfriend made it yesterday and we left it in the pan on top of the stove overnight, and I ate it this afternoon. (This was in a July heatwave.) Do you think that could have been it?'
'Yes. Yes, I do.' *sighs* We had a little talk about food hygiene.
'Yes. Yes, I do.' *sighs* We had a little talk about food hygiene.
11points
#31
Girl came to the ER for nausea/vomiting. Tried to give her some Zofran. "No thanks, I'm not really a medicine-type person. My body rejects chemicals.".
11points
#32
When I was doing rounds in the ER for my medic I encountered this woman. She was in her early forties and was apparently a frequent flyer for pain meds. Since she had become known in the community (this was a small city in West Michigan) she was no longer able to trick doctors into giving her meds. So what does she do? She pulls out her own teeth. She had tried to do a couple but they wouldn't come all the way out. She did eventually get one out bit this was after a few attempts. This isn't the stupid part however. She felt that this may not do the trick. So she waited for a few days knowing she would get an infection and we would have no choice but to give her what she wanted. Well it didn't work they gave her NSAID's and antibiotics.
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10points
#33
Once had a patient keep refusing he ever had hip surgery despite multiple CT scans showing hardware in his hip. Sat down and showed him each one spanning multiple years but he kept refusing he ever had surgery.
How do you forget hip surgery!?
How do you forget hip surgery!?
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10points
#34
I am a nurse practitioner. I did a pelvic exam on a young woman and removed a home made ceramic, satanic doll. It had the head, horns, and hooves of a goat, the body of what seemed to be the cookie monster, and she had tied a felt cloak around its neck. I used forceps to extract this amazing art project and asked her, "Do you want to keep this?".
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9points
#35
I had a pt. with c/c of back pain. I casually asked if he ever passed the stone. The replay was: no doc, but wait, I did once. I've farted and had a stone in my undies. I had a trouble to keep my face straight.
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9points
#36
Not a doctor. But EMT. I was working in the ER and a homeless guy comes in. Not unusual. He looked completely fine, but he's was complaining of unbearable leg pain. My job in the ER basically is to do initial assessment/vitals and to get patients settled in. So I go to check out his legs. I cut thru his pants and he's wearing knee high socks. As soon as I cut thru the elastic on the socks....maggots. Like a waterfall of them. Turns out he was wearing the same socks for 6 months and they cut into his skin. Good knees north surgeon said he could save his legs thanks to the maggots.
Lesson is change your socks regularly.
Lesson is change your socks regularly.
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8points
#37
Happened when I was an intern. Guy came in for some random complaint, got admitted for sepsis. Saw him in his room, which had an oddly pleasant odor. Kinda odd but didn't think much of it. Started to examine him and saw lots of bandage on his lower leg. Asked him why, and the dude said he had a wound and he wrapped it himself. So I started to take off the bandage, and started to see blue. I was like, what? More and more blue bandage, and even his skin ulcer was blue. So, turns out, he thought since you would use windex and Lysol etc to clean tubs and drains, that would also be a great idea on his wound. Took a great while to convince him to stop. Not entirely sure I succeeded.
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8points
#38
"Peter, We're going to have to cut you toe off. I sorry, its the diabetes."
" I can't believe, Doc., I just can't believe it!"
"Peter, have you noticed that we've already cut two other toes off ... and all of the other leg."
Same patient, 45 minutes after getting back to the ward, took himself downstairs- bleeding through the bandages- for a smoke and a coke. Wasn't actually dumb, just a selective believe system.
" I can't believe, Doc., I just can't believe it!"
"Peter, have you noticed that we've already cut two other toes off ... and all of the other leg."
Same patient, 45 minutes after getting back to the ward, took himself downstairs- bleeding through the bandages- for a smoke and a coke. Wasn't actually dumb, just a selective believe system.
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8points
#39
While in nursing school I had a patient who had wounds on his leg and refused wound care because "Hospitals are clean and you can't get an infection in a hospital." He refused even after having me and then my instructor explain to him about hospital acquired infections and the need for wound care.
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7points
#40
Gastroenterologist here. 2 similar patients, years apart. First one came in with signs and symptoms of cirrhosis. Said he only drank one drink per day, and insisted on it, and how could he get cirrhosis on one drink per day (by the way, women have been reported to get cirrhosis on as little as TWO drinks per day, but it's pretty unlikely). Anyway, his wife comes in later and tells me he bought a large glass that holds 32 oz of fluid, and that is his "one drink."
Years later I diagnosed another man with alcoholic cirrhosis, and he, too, was incredulous. How could he get cirrhosis--he didn't drink at all? "Just beer." How much? A case per day. Well, that's not really the "stupid" part. He drank during the day, on his job. As an electric company lineman, working on "hot" power lines 30-50 feet up. He would drive his truck from one site to the next, drinking beer between each site, and by the end of the day, the case of beer would be finished! Amazing he made it long enough to get cirrhosis... Actually, he was one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet, so it was really too bad.
Years later I diagnosed another man with alcoholic cirrhosis, and he, too, was incredulous. How could he get cirrhosis--he didn't drink at all? "Just beer." How much? A case per day. Well, that's not really the "stupid" part. He drank during the day, on his job. As an electric company lineman, working on "hot" power lines 30-50 feet up. He would drive his truck from one site to the next, drinking beer between each site, and by the end of the day, the case of beer would be finished! Amazing he made it long enough to get cirrhosis... Actually, he was one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet, so it was really too bad.
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7points