There’s a new physician making the rounds, and his name is Dr. Google. He has a terrible bedside manner, an opinion on everything, and he’s convinced your mild headache is a rare, incurable brain fungus. He is, of course, the trusted medical advisor for the "I did my own research" patient.
An online community asked real doctors for their most cringeworthy encounters with these self-proclaimed experts. The responses are a hilarious and horrifying gallery of diagnoses gone wrong and medical advice confidently ignored.
More info: Reddit
#21
Not a doctor but am a medical technologist. There are plenty of iamverysmart moments but this one was recent.
Did a fingerstick for a patient, ensured the little cut stopped bleeding, and then put a band-aid on it. Told her to collect a urine sample for testing. Test came back strongly positive (4+ reading) for blood. She complained to the doctor that there is NO WAY she has blood in her urine, and that the blood from her fingerstick must have entered the urine, throwing off her reading. She said it was my fault that I did her blood test before her urine test, and I obviously made a mistake.
She repeated the test later in the afternoon, still at 4+. Came back a week later, still at 4+. The look on her face when I told her "sorry, ma'am, your result is still positive" was priceless.
Did a fingerstick for a patient, ensured the little cut stopped bleeding, and then put a band-aid on it. Told her to collect a urine sample for testing. Test came back strongly positive (4+ reading) for blood. She complained to the doctor that there is NO WAY she has blood in her urine, and that the blood from her fingerstick must have entered the urine, throwing off her reading. She said it was my fault that I did her blood test before her urine test, and I obviously made a mistake.
She repeated the test later in the afternoon, still at 4+. Came back a week later, still at 4+. The look on her face when I told her "sorry, ma'am, your result is still positive" was priceless.
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20points
#22
Was working at a clinic. I was speaking with a non-controlled diabetic patient about her sugar intake and she said she drinks a 32 oz soda everyday. I ask her if it's regular or diet and she replies with "It's half-regular. I let the ice melt first so there isn't as much sugar in it". Sorry but that isn't how it works.
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20points
#23
Where to start!
1. Picture a middle aged man; his index finger is 5 x the size of the rest of his fingers. It smells, it’s leaking pus, there’s necrotic tissue. Basically one huge infected cancerous finger. He was a firm believer in not taking any sort of medication; including antibiotics or chemo. Departed a few weeks later, but he did manage to tell us we were all idiots before he passed.
2. Patient was a young child who came in with an extremely high Blood Glucose level. Once she was stable we did some teaching and kept her for a few days for observation. For some reason every-time I checked her, her levels would be extremely high although we were appropriately treating her. Turns out her family would bring her fast food for every meal and hide it in the side table. More teaching and resources were put into place.
3. Had a mom in hysterics because she was convinced that her neighbor’s, friend’s, step son’s, teacher’s dog has MRSA so her baby was going to die. It took everything within me to not tell her that most of the hospital staff have MRSA. But it took 3 hours for me to finally calm her down after I called: infectious control, her pediatrician, gynecologist, and family doctor. Yes I had to call all these people; yes they laughed at me; yes she was beside me the whole time questioning their judgement.
I love my job, but at times it makes me crazy!
Edit: just had some amazing people inform me with several scholarly documents that MRSA isn’t as prevalent as once thought. It’s only about 5% in hospital staff. Thank you wonderful people :).
1. Picture a middle aged man; his index finger is 5 x the size of the rest of his fingers. It smells, it’s leaking pus, there’s necrotic tissue. Basically one huge infected cancerous finger. He was a firm believer in not taking any sort of medication; including antibiotics or chemo. Departed a few weeks later, but he did manage to tell us we were all idiots before he passed.
2. Patient was a young child who came in with an extremely high Blood Glucose level. Once she was stable we did some teaching and kept her for a few days for observation. For some reason every-time I checked her, her levels would be extremely high although we were appropriately treating her. Turns out her family would bring her fast food for every meal and hide it in the side table. More teaching and resources were put into place.
3. Had a mom in hysterics because she was convinced that her neighbor’s, friend’s, step son’s, teacher’s dog has MRSA so her baby was going to die. It took everything within me to not tell her that most of the hospital staff have MRSA. But it took 3 hours for me to finally calm her down after I called: infectious control, her pediatrician, gynecologist, and family doctor. Yes I had to call all these people; yes they laughed at me; yes she was beside me the whole time questioning their judgement.
I love my job, but at times it makes me crazy!
Edit: just had some amazing people inform me with several scholarly documents that MRSA isn’t as prevalent as once thought. It’s only about 5% in hospital staff. Thank you wonderful people :).
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16points
#24
So - the patient had low blood pressure - so their self treatment: eating more fatty foods in order to decrease the size of their blood vessels in order to increase the blood pressure within their system...
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16points
#25
Any variation of this...Which I get all the freaking time.
Me: So how are things going with your diabetes?
Them: I don't have diabetes
Me: them why are you talking metformin/victoza/whatever
Them: I USED to have diabetes.
Then replace diabetes with hypertension/antihypertensives etc.
Or when I ask them what medical diagnosis they have and they say none while taking a ton of meds.
OR when they mis name a body part.... Prostrate, tendant, neuterus. To name a few.
Me: So how are things going with your diabetes?
Them: I don't have diabetes
Me: them why are you talking metformin/victoza/whatever
Them: I USED to have diabetes.
Then replace diabetes with hypertension/antihypertensives etc.
Or when I ask them what medical diagnosis they have and they say none while taking a ton of meds.
OR when they mis name a body part.... Prostrate, tendant, neuterus. To name a few.
16points
#26
Optician here
We had a patient who refused to let us use the tonometer, a machine for checking ocular internal pressure to diagnose glaucoma. He said that puff machine gives you glaucoma and we weren't going to pull that on him.
He told us his father got an exam, and had glaucoma after using that machine. His uncle and brother also had no signs of glaucoma, and after getting the puff test, both people had been diagnosed with the disease.
Glaucoma doesn't have any outward symptoms before you start going blind. This guy just told me he has a very strong familial disposition to glaucoma, and refused to be tested for it.
Edit:spelling
Edit2: woo that took off.
Also, puff isn't that bad guys. Try contacts, your eyes stop fighting back pretty quick. The puff is a lot better than the old machine, it just hit you on the eyeball with a little ball on a lever.
Another edit: I also have plenty of patients that don't understand family history. I interview patients directly so we don't have any real paperwork, and too many people can't answer simple questions.
"Do you or any of your direct family members have diabetes?"
"Yes."
... your self or your family?
Alternately, if yes to family members, they start listing their spouses family or step children. Not how genetic disposition works.
Or after getting "no" answers to diabetes, hypertension, glaucoma, thyroid problem, heart problems,etc, I ask if they take any medications.
"Yeah, atorvastatin, thyridizine, metformin, and low dose aspirin."
Oh so you have everything I asked about. Check.
Want some more?: way too many people don't understand presbyopia. As you age, your lens hardens and can't focus up close anymore. Of course when this is explained, I get a lot of people who believe they're way to young for bifocals. No. Sixty is not too young for bifocals.
"Why doesn't the doctor have to wear bifocals?"
He does. He's wearing progressives, you don't see the line.
Or after trying to get used to multifocal lenses for a few days, giving up and demanding we remake them as single vision, and then getting mad at me again when they can't read with the.
"I never needed bifocals before, why can't you just make me regular glasses? Regular glasses always worked just fine!"
Yeah you used to be twenty. Also you came to see us *because you can't read with your 'regular' glasses.*
In the same vein, these same people complaining about they're own insurance to me, because progressives are expensive.
A lined bifocal is covered entirely. Progressives cost a lot.
"I can't have lines in my glasses like an old person"
Then you want progressives. This easily triples the bill.
"Why are you so expensive? I need to be able to see!"
Yeah. You need a bifocal. You don't need a progressive, you want a progressive. Insurance pays for what you need, not want. I actually had a guy make me talk to his insurance agent about him needing "medically necessary" progressives. A progressive lens is never medically necessary. Stop being cheap, and listen to what I say. I am not a salesman, I am a medical professional, stop acting like you know better than me.
We had a patient who refused to let us use the tonometer, a machine for checking ocular internal pressure to diagnose glaucoma. He said that puff machine gives you glaucoma and we weren't going to pull that on him.
He told us his father got an exam, and had glaucoma after using that machine. His uncle and brother also had no signs of glaucoma, and after getting the puff test, both people had been diagnosed with the disease.
Glaucoma doesn't have any outward symptoms before you start going blind. This guy just told me he has a very strong familial disposition to glaucoma, and refused to be tested for it.
Edit:spelling
Edit2: woo that took off.
Also, puff isn't that bad guys. Try contacts, your eyes stop fighting back pretty quick. The puff is a lot better than the old machine, it just hit you on the eyeball with a little ball on a lever.
Another edit: I also have plenty of patients that don't understand family history. I interview patients directly so we don't have any real paperwork, and too many people can't answer simple questions.
"Do you or any of your direct family members have diabetes?"
"Yes."
... your self or your family?
Alternately, if yes to family members, they start listing their spouses family or step children. Not how genetic disposition works.
Or after getting "no" answers to diabetes, hypertension, glaucoma, thyroid problem, heart problems,etc, I ask if they take any medications.
"Yeah, atorvastatin, thyridizine, metformin, and low dose aspirin."
Oh so you have everything I asked about. Check.
Want some more?: way too many people don't understand presbyopia. As you age, your lens hardens and can't focus up close anymore. Of course when this is explained, I get a lot of people who believe they're way to young for bifocals. No. Sixty is not too young for bifocals.
"Why doesn't the doctor have to wear bifocals?"
He does. He's wearing progressives, you don't see the line.
Or after trying to get used to multifocal lenses for a few days, giving up and demanding we remake them as single vision, and then getting mad at me again when they can't read with the.
"I never needed bifocals before, why can't you just make me regular glasses? Regular glasses always worked just fine!"
Yeah you used to be twenty. Also you came to see us *because you can't read with your 'regular' glasses.*
In the same vein, these same people complaining about they're own insurance to me, because progressives are expensive.
A lined bifocal is covered entirely. Progressives cost a lot.
"I can't have lines in my glasses like an old person"
Then you want progressives. This easily triples the bill.
"Why are you so expensive? I need to be able to see!"
Yeah. You need a bifocal. You don't need a progressive, you want a progressive. Insurance pays for what you need, not want. I actually had a guy make me talk to his insurance agent about him needing "medically necessary" progressives. A progressive lens is never medically necessary. Stop being cheap, and listen to what I say. I am not a salesman, I am a medical professional, stop acting like you know better than me.
15points
#27
Most of my own stories go along similar lines to "patient has chest pain driving a coach load of school children, thinks its indigestion, swigs bottle of gaviscon, later diagnosed with a huge heart attack"
My favourite ever story from a colleague: a patient comes into A&E with abdominal pain.
As part of the work up he gets an abdominal X-ray which shows the problem as clear as day.
The colleague has then proceeded to remove, from the patients back, an 8 inch replica of Nelson's Column (the statue in the centre of Trafalgar Square, London)
On showing it to the patient, the response was "Oh that's Nelson, he lives up there.".
My favourite ever story from a colleague: a patient comes into A&E with abdominal pain.
As part of the work up he gets an abdominal X-ray which shows the problem as clear as day.
The colleague has then proceeded to remove, from the patients back, an 8 inch replica of Nelson's Column (the statue in the centre of Trafalgar Square, London)
On showing it to the patient, the response was "Oh that's Nelson, he lives up there.".
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13points
#28
-My aunt (who has varicose veins, pretty obvious to anyone who sees it) once asked me why her legs hurt and what those bluish lines under her skin were. I almost went on to explain to her about dilated veins when she interrupts and decides for herself that those are her nerves. Dying nerves. And the blue stuff was blood clots inside the nerves.
I’m a med student.
-I was doing a respiratory system examination on this guy who frequently(about once a month) gets admitted in the general ward with complaints of breathlessness. He’s had COPD for a couple of years. Quite bad. And he tells me that he isn’t going to quit smoking because ‘God’ told him not to. When asked why, he tells me that the people who are relying on him for their daily livelihood won’t survive if he stopped. I went on to ask him if he meant the people at the cigarette factory or the health industry. He didn’t get the sarcasm though.
-Patient comes to the surgery clinic with complaints of mass on DRE. (Now I wasn’t there the first time he came). But the surgeon wanted to do a couple of investigations and advised him to get admitted. The guy decided he doesn’t want to. Couple of months later, he comes back to the clinic. Apparently he went to one of these alternative medicine places or whatever and they had tied this metal wire(not exactly sure why) around the mass. By then, this mass has eroded through it and was bleeding and had gotten much bigger. Turned out to be a cancerous growth.
I’m a med student.
-I was doing a respiratory system examination on this guy who frequently(about once a month) gets admitted in the general ward with complaints of breathlessness. He’s had COPD for a couple of years. Quite bad. And he tells me that he isn’t going to quit smoking because ‘God’ told him not to. When asked why, he tells me that the people who are relying on him for their daily livelihood won’t survive if he stopped. I went on to ask him if he meant the people at the cigarette factory or the health industry. He didn’t get the sarcasm though.
-Patient comes to the surgery clinic with complaints of mass on DRE. (Now I wasn’t there the first time he came). But the surgeon wanted to do a couple of investigations and advised him to get admitted. The guy decided he doesn’t want to. Couple of months later, he comes back to the clinic. Apparently he went to one of these alternative medicine places or whatever and they had tied this metal wire(not exactly sure why) around the mass. By then, this mass has eroded through it and was bleeding and had gotten much bigger. Turned out to be a cancerous growth.
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12points
#29
Not a doctor but... was discharging a patient and going through his instructions. I advised him to take his antibiotic with food. He asked, "Should I roll it up in a piece of bread?" I told him he could try eating a sandwich instead.
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11points
#30
Was working at a pediatric urgent care. Family brings in their three year old unvaccinated son with autism for a weird rash.. they couldn't give me any reason why when I asked them about his vaccination status..
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9points
