Who could ever find a trip to the doctor’s a pleasurable one? Starting with that eerie silence in the hallways, some moans and groans behind closed doors and that trailing smell of formaldehyde, everything about a visit to the doctor is at least a tiny bit unsettling. And there aren’t any games in the waiting room anymore, and they don’t even give you a lolly for holding in your tears during an exam! And surely, even if you are waiting for something almost pleasant - like having your ears cleaned - you still feel a bit nervous and grab your phone for a distraction. And, if regular scrolling just doesn’t cut it anymore, we have prepared something much better - a list of only the best doctor jokes! Now, you can stop wiggling your leg nervously while waiting in a line for a checkup and spend that energy giggling instead!
So, what should you expect from these silly jokes? Well, besides some noteworthy comedic relief, these doctor jokes might make even a toothache sound funny and even the worst news sound like a blessing. Of course, you should also expect to read a couple of cool puns because medical stuff is just asking for wordplay! And, as almost always, you will definitely find some adorable jokes, too, because even a doctor deserves an occasional ‘aww’ in his own right.
Okay, are you ready to read our selection of the best doctor jokes? If so, then scroll down below and do so! Of course, do not forget to give the medical jokes that tickled your fancy a vote and share this article with your friends!
#1
A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup. Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks, “Well? Are you still coughing?” The patient replies, “No, I’m afraid to.”
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#2
A little boy had a crush on his teacher, but she was dating a doctor. So, the boy brought his teacher an apple every day.
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#3
I’ve never vaccinated any of my kids.
I just pay the pediatrician to do it.
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#4
“Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Great! I never could before!”
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#5
Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!”
Doctor: “When did that happen?”
Patient: “When did what happen?”
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#6
Man: “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
Doctor: “Is this her first child?”
Man: “No, you idiot! This is her husband!”
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#7
Why is a doctor always calm?
They have a lot of patients.
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#8
What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine?
A pair o’ docs.
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#9
Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?
The hip consultant.
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#10
I’ve got a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. The doctor says its terminal.
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#11
My mother used to say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman. Useless surgeon.
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#12
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
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#13
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
She told me to stop going to those places.
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#14
Did you hear the one about the germ?
Never mind; I don’t want to spread it around.
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#15
Doctor: “I have some bad news and some very bad news.”
Patient: “Well, might as well give me the bad news first.”
Doctor: “The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.”
Patient: “24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”
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#16
Patient: “Doctor, are the test results ready yet? I’m dying of curiosity!”
Doctor: “Heh… not only from curiosity.”
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#17
I thought chiropractors were a big hoax. But I stand corrected.
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#18
Doctor: “Quick, he’s losing a lot of blood. He needs an infusion — what’s his blood type?!”
Nurse: “B positive.”
Doctor: “I’m trying, but he’s lost a lot of blood.”
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#19
How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone?
“Urology office— can you hold?”
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#20
Patient: “Someone decided to graffiti my house last night!”
Doctor: “So why are you telling me?”
Patient: “I can’t understand the writing. Was it you?”
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