We all know how disappointing it is to go on a first date and realize the person sitting across from you is a giant red flag. But honestly, that’s a blessing in disguise. Because some people don’t reveal who they really are until years down the line, and that is infinitely worse.
One Redditor asked divorced women to share how their ex-husbands did a “180” after they got married, and the answers were shocking. We’ve rounded up some of the most jaw-dropping stories below. Scroll down to read them and upvote the ones that left you speechless.
#21
My ex didn’t exactly do a 180 (at first). It was more that I started becoming more and more aware of the behavior that was hurting us. The subtle manipulation, the lack of accountability, every argument started with me finally *respectfully* opening up about my feelings, then ended with me crying and apologizing to him for ‘making him feel like a bad person’…I noticed subtle acts of selfishness and an unwillingness to actually change, that I knew was there before but I guess I just let it go. When I found out he cheated I was devastated and felt horribly betrayed. Then it’s like all the signs slapped me in the face. They were all there. All the same ones I noticed towards his exes at the time when we first got together at 20. He had been lying to me for a long time about basically everything and I supported him emotionally and financially and said sorry for bothering you the whole time.
He did do a complete 180 though when he tried to get me to sign our mortgage over without a guarantee of my half of the equity. I said no, of course, I want it in the divorce papers and I want to make sure it’s the correct amount for each of us. He literally flipped the switch from the quiet nice chill guy to someone yelling at me over texts and accusing me of things I literally never did. He was so mean. He spoke to me in ways he never had in 10 years. Idk who he even is. Now, thankfully divorced, he is dragging out the house refinance as a last ditch effort to control the situation.
I will never believe someone who is too nice, or avoids conflict again. “We never fight/argue/disagree” is not a good sign.
He did do a complete 180 though when he tried to get me to sign our mortgage over without a guarantee of my half of the equity. I said no, of course, I want it in the divorce papers and I want to make sure it’s the correct amount for each of us. He literally flipped the switch from the quiet nice chill guy to someone yelling at me over texts and accusing me of things I literally never did. He was so mean. He spoke to me in ways he never had in 10 years. Idk who he even is. Now, thankfully divorced, he is dragging out the house refinance as a last ditch effort to control the situation.
I will never believe someone who is too nice, or avoids conflict again. “We never fight/argue/disagree” is not a good sign.
7points
#22
He lied about small things to other people (he ran a marathon, etc). Then he started lying to me about big things. Liars and always liars.
7points
#23
My best friend is about to go through a divorce.
He stopped caring after they got married. All the big dreams and goals they had before the wedding suddenly didn't see important to him anymore. He became comfortable in just being where he was and he stonewalled his wife everytime she tried to talk to him about it. He just became so emotionally unavailable.
She lost her dad from alzheimers a few years after they got married and she said there was a point where she came back to the car her husband was sat in (due to covid, he wasn't allowed in) - her dad looked like skin and bone and she knew she only had days left with him. She was sat in the passenger seat absolutely sobbing and he just sat there and looked at her. No comfort, no attempts to soothe her. Just sat there and looked.
She realised then that he was never going to be the man she could spend her life with and raise children with. She checked out not long after and they had to spend a couple of years living in the same house together but not as a couple.
He started rifling through her dirty washing checking for stains, would walk into the bathroom while she was in the shower after she got home, went through her bag, just went from being not interested at all to being obsessive.
He stopped caring after they got married. All the big dreams and goals they had before the wedding suddenly didn't see important to him anymore. He became comfortable in just being where he was and he stonewalled his wife everytime she tried to talk to him about it. He just became so emotionally unavailable.
She lost her dad from alzheimers a few years after they got married and she said there was a point where she came back to the car her husband was sat in (due to covid, he wasn't allowed in) - her dad looked like skin and bone and she knew she only had days left with him. She was sat in the passenger seat absolutely sobbing and he just sat there and looked at her. No comfort, no attempts to soothe her. Just sat there and looked.
She realised then that he was never going to be the man she could spend her life with and raise children with. She checked out not long after and they had to spend a couple of years living in the same house together but not as a couple.
He started rifling through her dirty washing checking for stains, would walk into the bathroom while she was in the shower after she got home, went through her bag, just went from being not interested at all to being obsessive.
7points
#24
There were red flags in hindsight, but at the time, when someone acts bad once a year and seems to be accountable afterwards, then isn’t that just being human? That’s what I thought until I realized afterwards that those times were when he showed his true self. Overall, he was someone that was careless with his close relationship. He always felt like he could apologize his way out of a situation, so often he’d do whatever he felt like doing without consideration for how it would affect others.
Unfortunately, you can never predict how someone will change or how they might react to bad circumstances that have never happened before. All you can do is have a strong understanding of what you’re looking for in a partner and what you’re not willing to tolerate. When you know that, you’ll be willing to walk away when your partner changes in intolerable ways. .
Unfortunately, you can never predict how someone will change or how they might react to bad circumstances that have never happened before. All you can do is have a strong understanding of what you’re looking for in a partner and what you’re not willing to tolerate. When you know that, you’ll be willing to walk away when your partner changes in intolerable ways. .
6points
#25
Mine went from a governmental expert employee to what is essentially a self-employed shaman within a few years of our divorce. I honestly often think about how I missed any signs of this, but even in hindsight I can't find them.
6points
#26
Don’t marry in the 3 year window of infatuation. He showed me who he really was when the dopamine came crashing down. We weren’t compatible and by that point there was a kid involved. Don’t push a man to marry you. Most people will absolutely not stay married and for those who do, only 20% are happy at 20 years. Or you can just stay together after someone cheats and you’re totally over the marriage. (Hint: there’s a reason so many split when the kids are finally gone). And by the way, you won’t beat the odds.
5points
#27
When we were dating how I’d always be the one making the effort to see him.
5points
#28
In hindsight, it was subtle control stuff, dismissing my feelings, little 'jokes' at my expense, and effort slowly dropping once they felt secure. Nothing dramatic at first, just a quiet shift from partner to entitlement that I ignored way too long
5points
