Going through a divorce is usually an extremely painful experience. We typically enter a marriage expecting it to last forever, “until death do you part”, but the unfortunate reality is that often, something else beats death to the punch. In the United States, for example, between 40-50% of all first marriages end in divorce. Although painful, sometimes ending a marriage is the right choice to make, if both parties have grown apart or there has been inexcusable behavior taking place, such as abuse or infidelity.
But while high divorce rates are a common topic of conversation, we don’t often discuss how many people regret dissolving their marriages. According to a study from Avvo, 27% of women and 32% of men who have gone through a divorce regret ending their marriages. And recently, many people who fall into that category have been opening up on Reddit and sharing honestly why they regret going through divorces.
We’ve gathered some of their most eye-opening and heartbreaking responses down below, so we know this article may be tough to read, especially if you have experienced divorce or once watched your parents go through one. But it can also serve as a reminder to hold on tightly to your loved ones. The grass is not always greener on the other side, and ending a marriage is not to be taken lightly. Be sure to upvote the responses that you find most impactful, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article where people open up about what caused their divorces, you can find that right here.
#21
I initiated the separation because none of the problems we had talked about were being addressed. I wasn't going to put in more work... But I wasn't able to at the time (c***py work schedule, always sleeping during the day).
At least I told myself I wasn't able to. If I had put in 15min to 30min of extra effort every day, I could have saved what we had... And made her feel a lot better about herself... And us in general... But I guess I was just a lazy POS.
Report
28points
#22
Uhm yes. But I never wanted it. I wanted to work through it. Only signed because of the whole, “if you love them, let them go”. :-(
Report
28points
#23
It seems my ex-husband is starting to feel regret. I never wanted to divorce in the first place, so I obviously regret it — but there is too much between us to reconcile. I wish we could, though.
Report
28points
#24
I've thought of it this way: Both of us wish the circumstances were different. We regret that they are the way they are. But I don't think I'll look back and say this is a mistake. We had an unhealthy relationship and couldn't agree on what a healthy one was. What a miserable way to live, hence the divorce.
Report
23points
#25
Not divorced yet. I was unhappy and left her after over a decade being married. There were good years, there were bad years. I moved out, and she started seeing other dudes immediately. I waited and eventually found someone I care about. Meanwhile, she delayed the divorce proceedings over and over again. Nowadays, she wants me back and mentions everything from wanting to change to accepting a few ground rules that really needed to change. I'm torn the f*** up. I really, really like my girlfriend, but sometimes I sit and wonder if it could be fixed and whether not giving my ex a second chance is actually bad on my part. It's awful.
On one hand, I love my girlfriend. On the other hand, I miss my family. And I imagine that if we just tried hard enough, I could maybe have just as good a time with the ex as I do with my girlfriend. Problem is, every time I see her, I feel uneasy. I don't know if it's related to us being apart, personal shame, knowing that I keep my girlfriend from her, or what.
On one hand, I love my girlfriend. On the other hand, I miss my family. And I imagine that if we just tried hard enough, I could maybe have just as good a time with the ex as I do with my girlfriend. Problem is, every time I see her, I feel uneasy. I don't know if it's related to us being apart, personal shame, knowing that I keep my girlfriend from her, or what.
Report
23points
#26
In Texas (and most states?) the court does not allow the custodial parent to move away from the NCP without the NCP's permission. This is the default order in any divorce court order. So by initiating the divorce, I locked myself into living in Texas when I could have simply left the state and taken the kids, and by the time he filed for divorce, I'd have established residency for me and my kids in a better place for us all, and Texas could not have done anything to make me return.
Report
22points
#27
Every minute of every day. But I didn't want it to end, certainly not like it did anyway. 14 years, many were tumultuous, with amazing highs and rough lows - but nothing compared to the agony of the heartbreak and grief/loss. She was abusive in every way, but I still love(d) her fiercely and just wanted her to get help.
Report
22points
#28
Sometimes. Married 25 and together almost 30 and 3/4 of it was good to great. Wonderful kids and shared asset building. The painful, painful hit to economics is hard to recover from at my age and with my income. He had no income for the last 8 years of our marriage, which was part of the problem, but he was also very frugal, and the guy I am seeing now makes tons of money but spends flagrantly, which was fun at first - being showered with nice dates and presents, but now I better understand why he has so little to show for his money. Add to the fact that both my ex and I want to provide inheritance to our kids and divorce basically wipes that out, it gives one pause.
Report
16points
#29
I regret how quickly we did it (I filed like straight after I found out he was cheating). We didn’t even try to work it out but then we tried reconciliation the divorce. It was a mess and ultimately the right decision but I think we should have taken more time to figure every thing out.
Report
16points
#30
It’s hard knowing you can’t protect them, but you couldn’t protect them when you were together either. Having one stable household is better than none. Teach them empathy, self respect and morals. Demonstrate healthy behaviour. One day they’ll be able to make the decision themselves if they want the other parent in their lives and you can be there for them.
Report
16points