Divorced People Get Honest About What Would Have Saved Their Marriages (30 Posts)

To find out what an expert has to say about saving marriages and how we know if it really can be saved, Bored Panda reached out to Jane Parker, a Strategic Intervention Advanced Relationship Coach who coaches clients to have successful, fulfilling and healthy relationships.

“From a coaching perspective, both partners have to be committed to improving the relationship and be willing to change,” Jane said and added that “That doesn't mean that they change who they are, it means changing how they show up in the relationship. If two people are truly willing to take a close look at their part in the relationship, and they love their partner, then I believe the marriage can be saved.”

“If, however, one partner is not willing to make the marriage a priority, it is very difficult for the other to change it on their own.”

The relationship coach added that it is vital that they both value their marriage and both want it to work. Jane believes that for many people, it is a priority, but for others, not until it is too late. “Couples can take their marriage for granted, other parts of life take over and then they pay attention only when it is about to end and unfortunately for some that is too late. If more couples put their marriage as their absolute priority from the beginning, we would have a drastically lower divorce rate.”

According to the relationship coach, “it would be valuable if people studied how to succeed in relationships whilst their relationship was going well and decided together that their marriage was going to be successful, whatever that looks like for them.”

When asked in what cases divorce is a much better option for a family, Jane said that there are “sadly, marriages that suffer from physical, mental, or emotional abuse where it may be the better choice for the family if they were to part.”

She continued: “Marriages where there have been repeated affairs or broken trust also could signal time to leave. If you are consistently being stonewalled or treating each other with contempt or disdain this is also a huge red flag as it can be very harmful long term. Of course, if the children are being affected by an unhappy marriage this would also be a big factor in whether to stay or leave.”

Jane added that no marriage is not clear cut, and each one is very different. “I believe that even very unhappy marriages can be saved if there is no abuse and both partners are on board to make it thrive again. Again, this can depend on how far down the road they are and if they can heal from the hurt they have already suffered,” she said and added that the sooner support or help is sought, the better.