Many happy couples walk down the aisle only to end up hotfooting it to divorce court at some point in the future. Almost half of all first marriages fail, while 60% of second marriages suffer the same fate. It turns out that "third time lucky" often doesn't apply when it comes to happily ever after. Experts estimate three quarters of third marriages don't last. And by the time you finish reading this intro, another one would have bitten the dust...
That's because there's a divorce happening every 36 seconds or so in America alone. We often hear about people calling it quits due to "irreconcilable differences." But upon closer inspection, there's a lot more at play. A lack of commitment, cheating, conflict, and money problems are just a few of the top reasons marriages end. But wait, there's more.
Someone asked divorced netizens, "What was it that finally made you or your spouse end the marriage?" and thousands of people didn't hold back. From the poor soul who went four years without intimacy, to another who knew it was over when their spouse got a face tattoo, the responses read like a not-so-romantic novel. Bored Panda has put together the best ones for anyone who needs even more proof that marriage is not for the faint of heart.
#41
My ex always suffered from bipolar disorder. We got married young; when I finished school, she stopped working. She wanted to be a writer; my income was enough for her to stay home and write short stories and poetry, so that's what she did.
Her depression is the first crack in the marriage. And it's not her fault, but the reality is that there were plenty of days when it was hard to come home to the black cloud of despair that was my ex. But I had made a commitment and I loved her, so I just reminded myself that her depression weighed on her far more than it weighed on me and muscled on.
Fast forward about 12 years (about four and a half years ago). I get a new job -- it still pays well enough for her to stay home. But by now, she hasn't written much in a while. And she's started smoking pot -- it helps counteract some side effects of her medication.
As a result of the new job, we move from our home in the city out into some cookie-cutter suburb. Neither of us is happy with the location, but the job is too far for me to commute. I try to make the best of it. She starts smoking more pot and spending her days watching the same TV shows over and over. I swear, she's probably seen every episode of Buffy and every episode of Stargate: SG-1 at least 20 times.
So living in suburban hell was crack number two. And the increasing amount of time she spent s****d was, quite frankly, crack number three.
Two and a half years ago, I got a new boss who was (and probably still is, though I haven't seen her in a year and a half) the queen b***h a*****e of the world. Working for her made my life miserable. I got depressed, though I didn't know it at the time. My ex wanted me to get therapy; I thought "What's the point? I've got a s****y boss; that's just life. What's a therapist going to tell me that I don't already know?" Huge mistake in hindsight -- I eventually did get therapy and learned a lot about perspective and being able to let b******t work stuff go that would have helped me back then. Oh well. In any event, my depression was crack number three.
At the same time I got my new boss, The Incident happened, and if any one thing caused the divorce, it was The Incident.
The Incident: my ex's best friend of 25 years (best friend to the point that they call each other sisters) lives in another city. One night, at around 1:00 a.m. about a year before the end of the marriage, I'm across the country on a business trip and my ex and her best friend are chatting on Facebook. The best friend is something of a narcissistic sociopath, and so when my ex did something to p**s off her friend, the friend decided to call our local police and claim my ex was s******l. The police showed up, and while my ex was not s******l, they decided to drag her off to the hospital. And I do mean drag -- my ex didn't want to go and the physically dragged her out of the house, leaving bruises and scrapes. Now, my ex's biggest fear was always involuntary commitment, so this was like her nightmare come to life. Long story short, they release my ex first thing in the morning when the psychiatrist on call shows up and concludes she's not s******l, but the damage is done. My ex has PTSD, I'm even deeper into my own depression because of secondary PTSD, and we're on a collision course for divorce.
The rest plays out about like you'd expect. I shut down emotionally; she starts spending all her time on Facebook, reconnecting with old boyfriends. We try to make it work for a year (by which I mean we ignore he problem and pretend it's not falling apart for a year) and then she decides to leave me to go live in the little town across the country where her high school boyfriend lives.
That was last March (18 months ago, give or take). Until July, I was hoping for reconciliation. I put in a lot of work on beating my depression, and by September, I was in a good and healthy place -- and actually, quite thankful to be out of that marriage. I never would have left on my own, but she did me a huge favor.
Meanwhile, her high school boyfriend wanted nothing to do with her, and from what I can tell she's not done a d****d thing to improve her life. To the contrary, last month she moved across the country to live with the psycho friend/sister who falsely called to have her committed. Go figure. I only ever hear from her when she's got some problem in her life that, in her fevered imagination, is my fault (example: she took one of the cars when she left; back in June, the registration expired and somehow it was my responsibility to register her car for her, even though she was now living in a completely different state from where we had lived together. I got several angry emails and threats to file motions with the court).
Now, I'm just waiting for the divorce to be final. It's been dragging out for reasons I really can't comprehend; I've moved on with my life in every way but legally, and I'm long since ready to be officially divorced.
BTW, to the extent you're asking this because you're contemplating divorce, I highly, highly, highly recommend counseling -- both individual and marital. And the people over at /r/divorce are super friendly and supportive.
Her depression is the first crack in the marriage. And it's not her fault, but the reality is that there were plenty of days when it was hard to come home to the black cloud of despair that was my ex. But I had made a commitment and I loved her, so I just reminded myself that her depression weighed on her far more than it weighed on me and muscled on.
Fast forward about 12 years (about four and a half years ago). I get a new job -- it still pays well enough for her to stay home. But by now, she hasn't written much in a while. And she's started smoking pot -- it helps counteract some side effects of her medication.
As a result of the new job, we move from our home in the city out into some cookie-cutter suburb. Neither of us is happy with the location, but the job is too far for me to commute. I try to make the best of it. She starts smoking more pot and spending her days watching the same TV shows over and over. I swear, she's probably seen every episode of Buffy and every episode of Stargate: SG-1 at least 20 times.
So living in suburban hell was crack number two. And the increasing amount of time she spent s****d was, quite frankly, crack number three.
Two and a half years ago, I got a new boss who was (and probably still is, though I haven't seen her in a year and a half) the queen b***h a*****e of the world. Working for her made my life miserable. I got depressed, though I didn't know it at the time. My ex wanted me to get therapy; I thought "What's the point? I've got a s****y boss; that's just life. What's a therapist going to tell me that I don't already know?" Huge mistake in hindsight -- I eventually did get therapy and learned a lot about perspective and being able to let b******t work stuff go that would have helped me back then. Oh well. In any event, my depression was crack number three.
At the same time I got my new boss, The Incident happened, and if any one thing caused the divorce, it was The Incident.
The Incident: my ex's best friend of 25 years (best friend to the point that they call each other sisters) lives in another city. One night, at around 1:00 a.m. about a year before the end of the marriage, I'm across the country on a business trip and my ex and her best friend are chatting on Facebook. The best friend is something of a narcissistic sociopath, and so when my ex did something to p**s off her friend, the friend decided to call our local police and claim my ex was s******l. The police showed up, and while my ex was not s******l, they decided to drag her off to the hospital. And I do mean drag -- my ex didn't want to go and the physically dragged her out of the house, leaving bruises and scrapes. Now, my ex's biggest fear was always involuntary commitment, so this was like her nightmare come to life. Long story short, they release my ex first thing in the morning when the psychiatrist on call shows up and concludes she's not s******l, but the damage is done. My ex has PTSD, I'm even deeper into my own depression because of secondary PTSD, and we're on a collision course for divorce.
The rest plays out about like you'd expect. I shut down emotionally; she starts spending all her time on Facebook, reconnecting with old boyfriends. We try to make it work for a year (by which I mean we ignore he problem and pretend it's not falling apart for a year) and then she decides to leave me to go live in the little town across the country where her high school boyfriend lives.
That was last March (18 months ago, give or take). Until July, I was hoping for reconciliation. I put in a lot of work on beating my depression, and by September, I was in a good and healthy place -- and actually, quite thankful to be out of that marriage. I never would have left on my own, but she did me a huge favor.
Meanwhile, her high school boyfriend wanted nothing to do with her, and from what I can tell she's not done a d****d thing to improve her life. To the contrary, last month she moved across the country to live with the psycho friend/sister who falsely called to have her committed. Go figure. I only ever hear from her when she's got some problem in her life that, in her fevered imagination, is my fault (example: she took one of the cars when she left; back in June, the registration expired and somehow it was my responsibility to register her car for her, even though she was now living in a completely different state from where we had lived together. I got several angry emails and threats to file motions with the court).
Now, I'm just waiting for the divorce to be final. It's been dragging out for reasons I really can't comprehend; I've moved on with my life in every way but legally, and I'm long since ready to be officially divorced.
BTW, to the extent you're asking this because you're contemplating divorce, I highly, highly, highly recommend counseling -- both individual and marital. And the people over at /r/divorce are super friendly and supportive.
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11points
#42
Marries twice both cheated on me while I was deployed to Iraq. Divorced twice.
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11points
#43
She left me for her manager, first of May. She slept with him sometime in late April. My state has a mandatory separation period, so November will be when the divorce can be finalized. Just found out recently she's 10 weeks pregnant with his kid.
She's always had bipolar disorder, but I thought we had finally found a therapist who had a good mix of d***s and counseling. We married sort of young, when I was 21 and she was 22. I think what finally drove her to another man was that we had an argument in February about having kids. She basically said that if we hadn't had any by the time she was 30 (will turn 28 in December) that she wasn't going to try to have any. The argument stemmed from the fact that one of our friends, who is in med school, got pregnant, and I was still making us wait until she had paid off her prodigious debt, that I wasn't aware of before the marriage. We sat down and laid out a financial plan to put us in a place to start having kids next year, but I guess that wasn't soon enough for her.
She's always had bipolar disorder, but I thought we had finally found a therapist who had a good mix of d***s and counseling. We married sort of young, when I was 21 and she was 22. I think what finally drove her to another man was that we had an argument in February about having kids. She basically said that if we hadn't had any by the time she was 30 (will turn 28 in December) that she wasn't going to try to have any. The argument stemmed from the fact that one of our friends, who is in med school, got pregnant, and I was still making us wait until she had paid off her prodigious debt, that I wasn't aware of before the marriage. We sat down and laid out a financial plan to put us in a place to start having kids next year, but I guess that wasn't soon enough for her.
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10points
#44
The final straw for me was having to beg for a disinterested hand-job before bed on our 5th wedding anniversary.
We became roommates instead of lovers. It worked for a while, but then she and I became really s****y roommates for each other as well. She is a great Mom, and she thinks I'm a great Dad but we're both really horrible as a couple.
No cheating. No financial issues. Just really really different people that probably pulled the trigger for marriage too quickly. We both just thought it was the next step after we each graduated from college.
Good news is we're both civil and care for each other, just not in a romantic capacity. My only regret is that my kids won't have a traditional 2-parent upbringing like I did. It made me respect my parents' loving 35+ year marriage a whole lot more.
We became roommates instead of lovers. It worked for a while, but then she and I became really s****y roommates for each other as well. She is a great Mom, and she thinks I'm a great Dad but we're both really horrible as a couple.
No cheating. No financial issues. Just really really different people that probably pulled the trigger for marriage too quickly. We both just thought it was the next step after we each graduated from college.
Good news is we're both civil and care for each other, just not in a romantic capacity. My only regret is that my kids won't have a traditional 2-parent upbringing like I did. It made me respect my parents' loving 35+ year marriage a whole lot more.
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9points
#45
When I got into a big fight with our 19 year old son and punched him in the face. She understandably left me for that. Me and my son were fine like a month later. It was all because of him playing xbox all day and not looking for a job. Everybody else in the family was working or going to school.
2points
#46
D**d bedroom and none of us had any idea how to end it. S*x became so awkward that we both avoided it. She had gained 15kg and I really had no s***al interest in her any more.
-1point
#47
She had psychiatric problems that were getting worse. She was in and out of the psych ward. She wasn't outright "crazy" most of the time. It was mostly just depression dotted with mildly psychotic episodes. Being around her was just really starting to weigh on me since there was nothing I could do. She was gaining weight and I found her less and less attractive. Eventually i said some really s****y things, venting because I couldn't talk to her lest I just make her more depressed, on a forum like this and she found it. Well, that was pretty much it. There was no taking back what I said.
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-2points